Absolutely nothing.
...because he dropped out of college.
Zero-degree Kelvin.
It's not like he can talk back to me.
He's 0K now.
He is Polly-Amorous.
The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.
Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.
The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:
"What's sarong with that?"
I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).
His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.
--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)
--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.
No ifs, ands, or Butts.
They discussed me.
I just can't get over them
A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.
But he was 0K.
By that I mean, you'll need a map and a shovel to find her.
It's so exciting I wet my plants.
A broken drum — you can’t beat it!
I'll have the doctor do it instead; he's trained for it.
Dotting i's is okay since it's just a dot, but t's are where I draw the line.
He was 0K.
It's an integral part of education.
Don't worry, I'm 0K.
Sofa Kingdom
So I packed up my stuff and right.
san diego
It's a faux pa.
"For excessive drinking" the officer replies So the prisoner replies "Great, when do we start?"
It was absolutely ribbiting.
"But it’s worth a shot!"
I charged for the labor but not the paint. The homeowner said, “why didn’t you charge for the paint?” I said, “don’t worry about the paint. It’s on the house.”
And suddenly I’m the idiot....
It was an Absolut mess.
(Credit Twitter user TheDillonOne)
They absolutely killed it.
They’re practically begging to be silenced.
[removed]
Because only a sith deals in absolutes
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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An absolute cracker
He’ll stop at NOTHING to avoid them!
That makes two of us.
......Absolutely Nothing!!
He’s 0k now
I think he was 0K
And suddenly I’m the idiot.....
