Total pun-upper
So storytime... My wife and I were talking about my overuse of puns, and food/cheese puns in particularly (that's goud-a but this one's feta, etc.) I ended up drawing a Venn diagram.
The largest circle was my total puns, inside it was a second circle representing food puns, with a third showing cheese puns. I was trying to show that a majority of all of my puns are food related, and many of those are cheese related.
Something like this: http://i.imgur.com/nPdi07H.jpg
My wife immediately told me I did it wrong, that some of the cheese circle was outside of the food puns.
I told her that those are rare, but are often the cheesiest.
It's like I never knew herbivore.
“Because she has no taste.”
When I asked how he managed to keep count,
He replied, "I keep a log"
She's a countess.
All You Need Is Lunch
Do You Believe In Life After Lunch
Lunch In An Elevator
Then I realised, it was on paws.
It was a gorgeous shade of red before; now it’s just a burnt Sienna.
The other 99 read balloons.
I asked her if she was at self check out. Looks like I'm sleeping on the couch.
But try donating five kidneys and suddenly everyone is yelling and the police get involved.
It’s spends all day doing tik toks.
That’s a wurst kase scenario
You know what they say, hair today gone tomorrow
It’s a total rip-off.
Kid: Hey dad, look at that! (Points with his finger to something off in the distance.)
Me: (Looking in direction he's pointing) What? Where? I don't see anything.
Kid: (Still pointing) Right there, look, you see it?
Me: (Still looking, getting annoyed that I don't see it) WHAT? What is it??
Kid: (Holding up the same finger) It's my finger!
I have been doing this to him recently and it always gets him. I love that he's able to totally get me with it now.
Edit: MY oldest, not Mt oldest. Not sure what the oldest mountain is, but it probably isn't as funny as my oldest kid is becoming.
-Why do you want a Ford?
-Because its af-Ford-able!
Some people think it's gross but it's really good on toast. Diahrrea...
..it's really hard to find the happy Medium.
Park in it, man.
I think she's going to take me up on it.
...would be preposterous
I really wish he would stop laughing at me expense.
This comes as little surprise however, as Iceland’s Björk has always been worse than their byte.
It was totally lit!
An Incommunicado
Eh?!
“Good” he said, “because I’m counting on you”.
Whine-ese.
Twice dragons.
Update: honestly thank you everyone, you guys are totally making this kids day! Distance learning in kindergarten has been rough and he misses seeing his friends pretty hard, so when I told him about this (I was able to use “Wreck-It Ralph : Ralph breaks the Internet” and buzz tube with likes/hearts as a reference) he’s been smiling from ear to ear nonstop since! A million thankyou‘s for the kind words and awards.
along with nearly 900 by Carl Philipp Emanuel Bach, nearly 400 by Johann Christian Bach, more than 300 by Johann Christoph Friedrich Bach, and nearly 200 by Wilhelm Friedemann Bach.
Together with as many as 200 more surviving compositions by other members of the Bach dynasty, scholars estimate that about 3 000 works are preserved in total, a collection that we today know as the Baroque Bach mountain.
Get your eyes checked.
