How do you call a hipster’s weighting scale?
Pro tip: If you are looking for a cheap way to work out at home, consider using milk jugs as weights.
But be sure to use almond or soy milk, I’ve heard they’re the healthier alternatives.
Losing weight is a piece of cake
See, it's a simple process... just don't pick it up!
Happy cake day to anyone who shares the same as mine!
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
What do you call a big weight loss?
In a recent interview with David Draiman a reporter commented on his remarkable quarantine weight gain.
Disturbed's lead singer just laughed like a monkey and said he was "down with the thiccness."
Why does Mike tyson turn into a superhero after lifting weights?
The biggest celeb i met while grocery shopping! Dude lost a lotta weight since Fight Club.
Where do you find the weight of a whale?
My wife and I recently had a child on accident. We didn't want a child at all as we are rather young and wanted to wait a few years. He was born yesterday at the whopping weight of 8 kilos.
We've made a massive mistake
I’ve been writing a book on weight loss.
I hope it will appeal to a wide audience.
Scientists recently uncovered evidence of a dinosaur that loved to lift weights.
They've decided to call it hella sore.
Later in Forrest Gump’s life, he puts on a little weight and opens a business collecting old plumbing materials.
It was called the Plump Gump Sump Pump Dump.
What weight division would Heisenberg be in if he were a boxer?
I occasionally read tarot cards, with decent accuracy. Because of my weight and ability many call me a fat psychic.
I prefer the term “four-chin teller“.
My wife saw an ant picking up a leaf 5 times its body weight, and told me, “Can you imagine being that strong?”
So I picked up the leaf and said, “Yes.”
A bag couldn’t handle the heavy weight
There will probably be a surge in weight lifting related injuries since all the gyms have closed.
Everyone will try to pick up where they left off.
What happens when you drop a 14 pound weight on 2 canaries?
You kill 2 birds with one stone.
I tried out a weight watchers group therapy session but no one would talk about their experiences.
There were just too many elephants in the room
What do you call a picture of a weight-lifting woman in a locket?
A strong independent woman.
What happens when a weightlifter loses weight?
What do you call an elephant that makes fun of a hippo’s weight?
I'm thinking of writing a weight loss book
Mostly because it would apply to a wide audience.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold
What do you say to the person getting breast reduction procedure?
I hope it takes the weight off your chest.
What do you call a cow that lifts weights?
I have a joke about fat people with big asses.
Butt weight....That's not fanny.
Normally my electronic scale shows a number, like "205". But today when I checked my weight, it just said "Low".
So I'm feeling pretty good about myself.
A side effect of gaining weight is often...
My obese parrot died! 😭
That’s a weight off my shoulders
Paul's an assistant at a butcher shop . He's 6 foot tall and wears a size 9 shoe . What does he weight ?
I've got a friend who is really punching above his weight.
His girlfriend's fucking massive.
What weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?
A ton of feathers. You have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.
Someone should make a weight-loss book for incels
After years of worrying about my health, I made it to the gym today.
It feels like a weight’s been lifted from my chest.
A TV pitchman was getting too fat ...
... butt weight there's more !
I made a bet with a friend of mine that I could lose more weight than him in a month.
A person went on a low carb diet to lose weight...
They said “It’s the keto my success!”
Dear Doctor,
How do you expect me to lose weight, when all the pills you prescribe me, must be taken with food?
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
Why did the fat Indian girl decide to run a marathon?
She was a very moti-weighted person.
I thought up a great way to lose weight!
You must get struck by lightening.
Losing weight is a piece of cake.
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