Except for the seldom seen penfish which is said to be even mightier.
I yelled “Bison!”
He looked back at me, waved, and said “bye dad!”
Poor kid never even saw the Buffalo before he got speared...
He practices yakupuncture.
Sorry
The sheriff decided that he needed to stop them so he rounded up his deputies and they rode out in search of the gang.
After a couple of days everyone was tired and hungry so one of the deputies rode up to sheriff and said “Look sheriff we are all too tired, why don’t you guys rest up here and I’ll ride 4 miles north and two miles east and see if I can’t find us some grub?, I’ll be back by morning”
The sheriff agrees and off the deputy rides 4 miles north and two miles east.
The next morning the deputy returns with all his packs full of bacon! The sheriff says “where the hell did you get all that bacon out here in the middle of nowhere!”
Deputy says “well you see sheriff I rode 4 miles north and 2 miles east and I swear to god there’s this bacon tree just sitting there! A tree that is full of bacon!”
“Bullshit!” Says the sheriff “you stay here I’m going to check this out!”
So off the sheriff rides the same as the deputy did.
The next morning the deputy see’s the sheriff crawling towards the camp with arrows sticking out of his back.
Deputy says to the sheriff “ Boss what the hell happened!”
The sheriff looks up from the ground and says “BACON TREE, BACON TREE, that wasn’t a damn bacon tree you idiot it was a Hambush!”
I didn't really like it at first, but I have to say it's really grown on me.
A Howdy
I hope it won’t be a John Dough forever.
It yakked on his shoes!
My reply without missing a beat — you’ll be able to buy it, you just won’t be able to buy it rare.
That idea was immediately shot down
But that'd just be a huge boar-fest.
A panda walks into a bar one day. He casually walks to the bar and sits on a bar stool.
The bartender thinks this is a bit odd, a panda walking into a bar isn’t something that normally happens to him.
He approaches the panda regardless and asks, “What can I get you?”
The panda grabs a menu off the bar, opens it and points to a cheeseburger.
The bartender is very impressed by this and so he decides to go ahead and make the cheeseburger for the panda.
The panda gets his cheeseburger, devours it, savoring every last bit. He then wipes its mouth with a napkin, impressing the bartender even more.
But then suddenly the panda pulls out a gun and shoots everyone in the bar, except for the bartender.
The bartender stands there in total shock, soaked in blood, and can only ask the panda, “Why?”
The panda pulls a dictionary from his fur coat and turns to the bartender. He flips the book to the P section, places it on the bar, and points to his picture. Then he turns and walks out the door without looking back.
The bartender leans down and reads the entry next to Panda. It says…
“Panda: A wild animal that eats, shoots and leaves.”
A few weeks into their journey, they ran out of food. Unable to find plants to eat, and after an entire day of discussion, they decided that if they found meat before plants, the would eat it.
A day later, in the distance, they saw a small tree. As they got closer, they saw that there were strips of perfectly cooked bacon hanging from the bare limbs.
The first vegan grew excited. "Look! It's a bacon tree! Food!" And with that, he took off running toward it.
The other vegan hung back, looking at it suspiciously. "No, wait!" he called. "That's not a bacon tree!"
"Sure it is! It's a bacon tree!" the first vegan yelled over his shoulder. When he reached the tree, he jumped, trying to reach the bacon from the lower branches, but before he could, a pair of wild boar darted out from behind the tree and skewered him on their tusks.
The other vegan shook his head. "I tried to tell you it wasn't a bacon tree. It was just a hambush..."
He approached a wild ox. The ox looked at him.
The guy said, "Hello, there, wild ox. Would you like to buy this bottle of brandy from me? £50, that is all."
The wild ox mulled it over, before pulling out the money and handing it over to the man.
In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have jumped up and yelled, "It's a con, yak!"
I have no kids of my own, but my friends keep telling me I'm an incorrigible Dad Jokester. I'll probably still be making wildly inappropriate jokes on my own deathbed.
So when I pass, I just ask that a foundation be created on my behalf. Because then I will be Dad To The World!
Just happened on my walk break.
I was taking a stroll downtown and walked by the county courthouse building. I noticed there was an employee (had a county badge) standing outside on the sidewalk and holding a wall clock. I knew what I had to do. I walked up and asked, "Do you happen to have the time?"
One of my proudest moments, although I'm a faux-pa myself. He enjoyed it too.
Me? I have no rugrats.
Guinea boars
A False-lot.
You put her out of her misery and commit matresscide.
Sometimes I think it is a big moose steak.
They just wouldn’t stop Björking
"I have no idea," the captain says, "but he goes nuts every year when we pass him."
It's tragic cause they're the only big cats who know what they are
I just wish it wasn't sa far, eh.
It dingo.
They were going to make one named Vember, but it was decided “No Vember,” it was then wildly misinterpreted
There must be some wild hogs in the area
I was at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival waiting for “Macbeth” to begin and next to me this Dad says conversationally to his family, “You know, It makes sense that this play is set in Scotland... after all they mostly get kilt”
His family groaned and I gave him props for the Dad joke in the wild.
...if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone.
It Dingo as planned.
Take the bowl, buy the horns .
Authorities claim he was found to be disturbing the peas.
He was a silly yak.
Wild Bill Hickock
Boara boara
I fought a boar and the boar won.
Just witnessed the greatest dad joke of all time. This woman was about to leave the grocery store with a full cart. All of a sudden this older man runs over and says “let me open the door for you”. He walks in front of the automatic door, waves his hand to open it and proudly walks away as it opens automatically. He is my role model in life.
open it's door, get in and drive away
Got 29,000 matches...
...could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone.
Except for the rare penfish, which is said to be mightier.
...if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone.
As they say.. "Bit for Bat"
