WikiHow Puns

The antichimera mechanism.

(I don't know how obscure this is, but if it doesn't make sense click this link)

We're in Ireland, and on our way to Dublin (capital city) for a weekend away. On the way there, we pass Birr Castle.

Me: "We're coming up to an Offaly cold castle up ahead." Her: "Thats a bad joke. But how is it a cold castle?" Me: "Because it's the Birr Castle!"

This was followed by a small groan and much eye rolling.

A couple is walking in St Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve.

They feel a slight precipitation.

"I think it's raining," says the man.

"No, it's snowing," replies the woman.

"How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"

"Definitely raining, "Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.

The Man turns to his wife with a smile. "See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

I went and saw author Bill Bryson speak last night and he told us how his dad used to make the most wonderful puns. I'll paraphrase best I can:

They had traveled from Iowa to California on vacation, and they were driving along the coast. They stopped at an informational plaque at the San Andreas Fault, and his dad walked straight up to the huge crack in the ground and threw a quarter in. When the kids asked why he did that, he simply responded "I've always wanted to be generous to a fault."

So tonight at the dinner table my mother wanted to explain how she made the salad.

So she begins with: "first i chopped some salat just to begin the salat, and I added some apple and lime to give it some bitterness. I also chopped some hazelnuts to give the salat umami" (to those who don't know what umami is: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Umami)

Then my dad interrupted and said: "If I had made that salat, i would have used walnuts instead. I prefer the taste og upapi.

The he laughed in a way, only a dad can do.

I was talking to my aunt and uncle about their (20-something) daughter's older male friends when my 90 year old grandfather come out of nowhere and says: > I'm Mormon in that I don't care how you bring 'em, as long as you Bring'Em Young

My sister laughed for a week.

We were in the kitchen talking about musicians who served in World War 2 and Glenn Miller was brought up and how he served in the airforce. She finished her point by saying:

Mom:"A lot of musicians in that era volunteered to serve over seas."

Me:"Yea you'd think Glenn Miller would have wanted to stay at home but I guess he was in the mood."

She threw a piece of bread at me and banished me from the kitchen.

So my wife's birthday was coming up, and she really loves absinthe. Lately she had been talking about visiting some bars or restaurants that served it, so I decided to splurge a bit and buy her a set of glasses and spoons, along with a nice bottle of "the green fairy."

Doing a little research, I discovered that a local distillery produced a well-regarded version of it, so I decided to hit a few liquor stores around town to see if they carried it. As luck would have it, the first place I went to did have some in stock.

I took it up to the counter and got into a conversation with the cashier. I explained how this was going to be a birthday present for my wife, and hopefully it would score me a few points in the romance department. His response: "Well, you know what they say--absinthe makes the heart grow fonder!"

I was dumbstruck. He started to apologize for his "corny joke" (as he put it), but I waved him off and was finally able to commend him on his brilliance. The best part of all--I have a great dadjoke I can repeat to co-workers and family members (or anyone else who will listen) for repeated eye rolls and exasperated groans.