A blonde goes into a church and asks the minister, "How much does it cost to rent a church singing group?"He said,"Do you mean a choir?"
She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"
My landlord texted saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied back: “Sure, my door is always open.”
Here's a step-by-step guide on how to fall down stairs!
Step 28
Step 27
Step 24
Step 21
Step 16
Step 12
Step 7
Step 3
Step 1
How do you get a farm girl to marry you?
I bought a book called "How to walk up stairs."
Step 1
Step 2
Step 3
Step 4
....
Everybody asks me how I got from Iraq to Afghanistan back in 2007...
But no one believes me when I say Iran.
^(For everyone confused, Iran is in between Iraq and Afghanistan on a map.)
I tried to figure out how far 20,000 leagues under the sea actually is.
Ancient Egyptian architect: "Do you know how to build a pyramid?"
Ancient Egyptian builder: "Well, err yeah, upto a point."
Figuring out how to starve a zombie isn’t difficult.
How many tickles does it take to make an Octopus laugh?
I used to know how to throw a boomerang
It's not coming back to me now.
"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?"
"Ten tickles."
I'm so proud to bring you this super high quality dad joke.
How am I supposed to find the Big Apple?
I don’t even know where the Minneapolis!
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
How hard is it to track down a bread thief?
How much did it cost HYDRA to kill Tony Stark’s parents?
How do you say hello to a gluten-free German?
One positive thing about Covid-19 lockdown and 2020 is how much it allowed us to grow as a person.
I myself grew by 12kgs atleast.
I wrote a book about how convicted felons can use fiction writing to work through their experiences and achieve better rehabilitation outcomes.
It's called, "Prose and Cons".
Dolphin son: Dad, how did you and mom know that you guys are meant to be together?
Dolphin Dad: When we first met,.....we just clicked.
I'm making a new documentary series on how to fly an aeroplane
We're currently filming the pilot
How did I get from Iraq to Pakistan?
I've bought a book called 'How to become an expert in Origami.'
So far, I've made over 1000 paper snow balls.
How do you know you’re talking to an extraterrestrial?
Lots of probing questions
My wife asked me, “Are you sometimes surprised as to how little people change?”
I said, “Actually, the process is the same. Apart from their tiny clothes.”
How many witches does it take to change a light bulb...
I couldn't figure out how to fasten my seat belt...
I went to the store to buy a french loaf and the clerk asked me "how do you want this to be put away?"
How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?
One... Or two.
One......... Or two.
"How do you get a squirrel to like you?"
One Night a Viking named Rudolph the Red told his wife, It’s going to Rain...she asked how he knew...
Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear
(Yes, I stole this from another sub:))
How do we know that women are attracted to corny jokes?
Because otherwise we wouldn't call them 'dad' jokes.
How are you supposed to keep Canadian bacon from curling?
You just need to take away their little brooms!
How many bottles of each perfume will it take to completely fill one shelf?
How did Hitler know it was time to commit sucide.
I said to the baker, "How come all your cakes are 50p & that one's £1?"
He said, "That's Madeira cake"
How long does it take to cook naan bread?
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a hamster?
How do you know you're about to be ambushed by a crowe?
You'll hear a Russell in the bushes.
How can you tell that a zombie used to be a father?
How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
Figuring out how to starve a zombie is a no brainer.
I went into a church and asked the minister how much it would cost to rent a church singing group.
He asked, "do you mean a choir?"
I said, "OK, fine, then how much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
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