What did daddy spider say to baby spider?

You spend too much time on the web.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to take the spider out

I took him out, and he was a nice guy. Turns out he’s a web designer!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/takuache_beaner
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Peter Parker lost his photographer job at the Daily Bugle

Now he works in web development.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/riversquid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?

It's called Shallot's Web

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SquiddlyD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
For his birthday, a boy wants a pet spider.

His dad takes him to an exotic pet store, where they see a big, hairy spider. The father asks how much it costs. β€œThat’s fifty dollars,” the clerk replies.

β€œFifty bucks!” the dad exclaims. β€œForget that, I’ll just find a cheap one off the web.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/daviscojokes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do computers wear glasses?

To improve their web-sight

πŸ‘︎ 109
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Connor0388
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I was so sure my new hire was Spider-Man

Because his resume said he was a web designer.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
The Irony Of It

https://preview.redd.it/xaydp6kv31s51.png?width=600&format=png&auto=webp&s=28ef512ec7a376b9708bc3e7ca9cc3f702dae84c

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ford456fgfd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do people attend support groups for arachnophobes?

On the web

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kippergills
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Spiders

Are the only web developers in the world who like finding bugs.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Boreddudemo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What does Venom use to commit crimes online?

The Dark Web.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/morsodo99
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a unicorn being eaten by a spider?

Unicorn on the cob web

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wiseoldmeme
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife: β€œDid you just make up that joke?” Me: β€œNo, I....”

β€œ...learned it from an American social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website that I can’t remember the name of.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
How many spiders does it take to create an app?

None. Spiders don’t make apps; they only design web sites!

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What do spiders do after getting engaged?

Have a webbing.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wspoons5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve heard that spiders are great with computers.

Most of the ones I’ve seen have been great with web development.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hrint
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do so many spiders work in IT?

They're great web-developers.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BuurmanSnoek
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are spiders so smart?

They can find anything on the web

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DeletedForSpamm
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife demanded that I take the spider that was in the kitchen, out…

Nice guy! We got a couple of beers. He wants to be a web developer someday.

πŸ‘︎ 459
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My buddy spider really has his future planned.

He wants to become a web designer.

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShivanshuShekhar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Tonight is a sad night... our robotic vacuum cleaner, Wall-E, killed our bathroom spider, Al Gore.

Why was our bathroom spider named Al Gore? Simple. He created the web.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DamnRedhead
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
So spider..

Person: So Spider what's your new year's resolution?

Spider: To spend more time with my family instead of on the web.

(If you don't get it, it is that spiders have a spider web).

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GeneralA01
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
After turning on my computer in the morning, the first thing I tell myself is β€œI got this!”

I should stop using WebMD as my homepage.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.

Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dudebrostien
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it.

We went out and had beers. Cool guy, very driven, wants to be a web designer.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mer-edith
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to take the spider out instead of killing it

Went to the bar, had a few drinks, nice guy, turns out he's a Web designer

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it

We had some drinks, cool guy, he wants to be a web developer

πŸ‘︎ 185
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RussiaIsMyCity
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
🚨︎ report
So instead of killing a spider, I took him out

He was a really nice guy we had a few drinks. He's a web designer

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Edgy_Sama
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I thought it was a good dad joke.

My wife asked me to remove a spider this morning. I look up and reply "He's made his web, now he can sleep in it" - I got 'the look'

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stonewallgamer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Today I interrogated a spider

And found him in a web of lies

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Harami_nobita
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it...

Had a few drinks, he is a cool guy, wants to be a Web developer.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tgm810
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him

Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He’s a web designer

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jackdec2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me take the spider out instead of killing him.

We had a few drinks, what a great guy. Turns out he’s a web designer.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SindySlaughter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing.

We went out, had a few drinks. Nice guy, wants to be a web designer.

πŸ‘︎ 262
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scrambledeggsalad
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.

Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy, he's a web designer

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Adventure84
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Due to social distancing, I had a conversation with a spider today,

Seems nice, he’s a web designer

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/klatkasalowa5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a conversation with a spider

Turns out he's a Web Designer.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thedeathgames223
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him

Went out, had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer.

πŸ‘︎ 206
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ArchaicAlien
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife said I should take out the spider instead of killing it.

I'm glad I did. We went out. Had a few drinks. Overall good guy. He's a web designer.

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/invertedparadoxxx
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Social Distancing.

Day 5 of social distancing:

I struck up a conversation with a spider today! He was nice, his name is Dave, and he’s a web designer!

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ging_e_R
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me take a spider out instead of killing it.

We went and had drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer.

πŸ‘︎ 251
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.

Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy, he’s a web designer.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DaughterBoner
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.

Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He’s a web designer.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aglatte
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it

We went and had drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lichqueen22
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it

We had some drinks, cool guy, says he wants to be a web-developer

πŸ‘︎ 72
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mku4e
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report

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