What do you call a reptile who makes financially wise decisions?

An INVESTigator!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bronzeaardvark
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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Did you hear about the wise butcher?

He's very cleaver.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jollyflyingcactus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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Wise men followed a Star-Bucks...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/youtellmebob
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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Why are some old toilets so wise?

.

Because they've seen MANY moons!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rebeljah
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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A wise man once gave me the 3 unwritten rules of life

1 .

2 .

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bhop48
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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a wise man once said "thick thighs saves lives"

https://preview.redd.it/m5ilmigjv4v51.png?width=640&format=png&auto=webp&s=ce48ec5cbcddbacbbaf121aed97c0585e6467cda

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drakenozzypage
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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Keep telling jokes from this forum. My daughter's getting wise to it. She just said...

"I bet you just Reddit!" She's very pleased with herself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flayan514
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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How did the grape get to be so wise?

By raisin awareness

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πŸ‘€︎ u/infinitywee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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A wise monster once said, "C is for Cookie."

That's good enough for me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPossible
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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A wise man once told me...

Sage is the best spice

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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They better stay peaceful cause other wise they might get chased.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ATMiceli
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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A wise man once said

With great power comes great electricity bills

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πŸ‘€︎ u/black-widow-
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
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I don’t think it’s wise to β€œeat the rich.”

They’re all spoiled rotten.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dcrose89
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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My wise uncle willed his frontal and occipital lobes to his son...

He had good presents of mind.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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I hired a wise owl to watch my kids while I was away...

Turns out they had a bit of a hootinanny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ph0enixR3born
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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What do you name a show about a wise guy named Noah?

Noah knows

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
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Wise words
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dankleftchun
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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Wouldn't 'Counter Clock Wise' just be

Clock Stupid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
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A wise medical doctor once wrote....

From the Offices of Dr.Wiseman

⬳⬳⬳,⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳.⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳,⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳...⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳.

⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳!

⬳⬳⬳⬳

Dr Wiseman

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CapnFancyPants
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
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Some people are wise.

Some are otherwise.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
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There was a nun who was very wise, but her sister didn’t know.

Her sister was Nun the Wiser.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tru-Queer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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A wise man once said β€œit’s better to say nothing at all”

An even wiser man didn’t say that

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ironbattery
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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What road did the Three Wise Men take to visit baby Jesus?

The highway to the manger zone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotSamsquanch
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
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What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?

The deep friar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theblumkin
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
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The three Wise Men originally showed up at the wrong manger and found a different baby.

"What child is THIS?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beck1670
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
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Why did God make only so many wise people?

Because he couldn't have done otherwise

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
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I got all four of my wisdom teeth removed. I'm no longer wise but I'm very hole-y.

Because I'm full of holes and everything hurts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ktmp93
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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If you want to be wise with your money, don't buy any belts

Because it will just go to waist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheExplicit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
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The wise men come to the Virgin Mary and baby Jesus in the night, rapping on the door of their Bethlehem cottage suddenly. Mary yelps, answers the door, and says, relieved:

"You scared the bajeezus out of me!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gaiusnutcassius
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
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She's penny wise

Lou Costello: There’s only one problem with our romance; She’s penny wise.

Bud Abbott: Marilyn’s penny wise?

Lou Costello: Yeah, I ain’t got a penny and she’s wise to it!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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A wise man once told me "Kid there are two rules of business and life. One is never tell anyone everything you know..."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearinthegarden14
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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If you are wise with dollars you'd be rich, what would you be if you were wise with pennies?

You'd be a clown.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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Those who have knowledge are wise.

Those without knowledge are otherwise.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stjimmy101
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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A word to the wise is useless

A word to the stupid might actually change something.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
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Wise man say "Man who wants pretty nurse...

... must be patient"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ECAaxel
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2013
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Flight attendant was a wise guy

"Sorry about the rough landing, it wasn't the captain's fault, it certainly wasn't my fault, it was the asphalt"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shukhman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2015
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What did the sarcastic comedian say to the wise cracking toilet paper?

You're on a roll, aren't ya?!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucas_powerglove
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2017
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Oh, Magic Mirror, how are you so wise?

"I've had time to reflect."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/analytik
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2017
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Let me tell you a story about making wise choices...

In high school my very best friend and I snuck out and went looking for fun. We were really fired up and he hurried ahead and ran straight into the nearest bar. Luckily, I had the good sense to duck.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeopoldLoeb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2016
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The three wise men brought baby Jesus gold and frankincense.

But wait... there's myrrh!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CheeseheadDave
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2016
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How did the wise king of the cats bring peace to his warring kingdom?

He said: "Me-oww. You-oww. We-oww... NoMoOwe"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/marlinspike
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2017
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Heard this from a wise old man at the barbershop...

Was getting my haircut, and the older gentleman in the chair next to me was complaining about service nowadays, saying it wasn't like it used to be.

He said, "My wife and I went out to eat last week, and at one point I needed to use the restroom. So I went in there, used the facilities, and as I was wrapping up, I saw a sign that said 'Employees must wash hands!'"

"I waited for damn near 15 minutes, and no one even showed up, so I grabbed my wife and got the hell out of there!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/landon34
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2015
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My little sister is wise in the way of the dad.

On a long car ride to the shore, I had to tell my younger brother to use his indoor voice to which he responded that we aren't indoors. My sister proceeded to count "1...2...3...4!" and said, "What are you talking about, we're inside the car and it has four doors." I made sure to let her know how proud I was of her and that I was happy someone other than myself made a dad joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joshua_P
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2014
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A wise Chinese man once said...

δ½ θ°·ζ­ŒηΏ»θ­―δΊ†ι€™ε€‹

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WattoNUFC
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
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