Voiced palatal nasal Puns

I’m not one to argue with doctors orders, but my Facebook friends were disgusted and concerned

“No thanks, I’m stuffed!"

'snot so bad.

They are lying.

She said it was just a bunch of stuffy people.

It’s going to be Legend Dairy

Wow, that was really a mouthful...

Yar.

Me obese parrot died. 'Twas very sad...

Then again, 'twas a huge weight off me shoulders.

Edit: changed "my" to "me" and "it was" to "twas" to make it more pirate-y.

I don't like to talk about it.

It's called "Dummies for Ventriloquism "

You will strain your voice.

Because. They’ll call you right baaaaaack. 🐐

But it just keeps telling me to go my own way.

And I said I don’t have a therapist.

Even when I'm sick I've got that post nasal drip

Mainz the gap.

The voice said, in a creepy tone, "It is I, David..."

Peter was scared and looked around, but saw nobody. He started walking, but tried to convince himself he had made up the mysterious voice.

But after a short while, he heard again "It is I, David...", and the voice sounded almost angry now. Peter was now really scared and started running.

After another while, he heard the voice again "It is I, David..." and now Peter was in full panic. He ran as fast as he could, up the hills.

When he was at the top, and looked all around him, seeing nobody, he heard the voice again, now much louder:

"IT IS I, DAVID!"

Peter was tired, scared and panicking, and had a heart attack and died on the spot.

The voice was then heard a final time: "Just kidding. My name is actually Fred"

An Ewok walks into a bar and starts screaming for a beer. "Hey," the bartender admonishes him. "Use your Endor voice."

Sofishticated (I’m sorry to say that I read this in Sean Connery’s voice 🤷‍♀️)

He preferred it simply red

Aflexa

You need to be sirious

…but a terrible palate cleanser.

I took off the helmet and said in my best evil-villain voice, "we meet again Tony Starch"

"They call me the hoarse whisperer"

We sorted sorta sordid sodas.

Supposedly it was a sold out tour, fairly apparent considering not a single seat was available on the bus!

At one point we happened to come across a field FULL TO THE BRIM with cows, and so I pleaded the bus driver to stop so we could take it all in.

We disembarked and took our places at the field fence, taking in the view of cow after cow.

I wondered to myself how it was so easy for folk to distinguish between cow and bull so readily, and so voiced my frustrations to the farmer close by.

“Excuse me sir, I’ve looked at your cattle and can’t for the life of me pick out a feature to help tell me the sex!!!!”

The farmer looked at me for a brief moment, painted with concern before asking,

“What about the udders…?”

I shook my head and frowned, and with mounting uncertainty replied,

“Not sure, you’d have to ask them!”

...when he came upon a group of four women building a fire. When they saw him one said, "This is a private ceremony. No men allowed!" The man apologized and turned around and went back the way he came, but curiousity got the best of him.

As soon as he was out of sight he went into the nearby woods and quietly crept towards the women to find out what their ceremony was all about. By the time he was close enough to hear them they were sitting around the small fire that they had built.

He watched as one woman pulled out some meat from her bag and said in a serious voice, "Partake in this pig flesh to represent your connection to death," and handed it to the fourth woman.

Then the second woman pulled out some cheese from her bag and said with the same seriousness, "Partake in this creature's gift to represent your connection to life," and handed it to the fourth woman.

The third woman then whispered to the fourth, "The meat used to be raw and the cheese used to be moldy, but too many new Sisters were getting sick." Then in a serious voice she said, "Partake in the gift of the soil to represent your connection to the Earth," and she handed the fourth woman some bread.

The three women then said together, "Partake in these gifts and join our Coven."

The man suddenly understood what the women were doing on the beach. They were making a sand witch!

I never could stand up to pier pressure.

Strained my voice

It was a locomotive.

He was too far out man. (Say this with a Tommy Chong voice when you do it)

Fly: "Ouch! Did someone just bite me!?"

A small voice chuckles

Fly: "You must be pretty small to fit on my back. What are you, a mite?"

Mite: "Yeah as in I MIGHT bite you again hehehe."

Fly: "...... That pun was terrible."

Mite: "What can I say? I came up with it on the fly."

Aye Matey - has to be said in a slow pirate voice for full effect.

I said don't strain your voice kiddo.

We went to a Christmas light display at a woolen mill. The entertainment was just a few minutes late starting up. The organizer made an announcement stating that the music should be beginning in the next few minutes in one of the old mill buildings.

Without missing a beat, I said, with a slightly louder voice than I'd intended, "Alright, we'll just mill around for a few more minutes."

The look my wife gave me made Hoth seem like the Bahamas.

It will strain his voice.

“No thanks, I’m stuffed!"

“No thanks, I’m stuffed!"