The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an american WWII veteran who has a family?

a garand-dad

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Major_Cupcake
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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What does a toeless veteran dad say to his son?

He has lack-toes intolerance.

I-I'll see myself out. Just like the dad on his eternal quest for milk-

Sorry, I need to stop milking this joke. Feel free to kick my dairy-ere out the door.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/animeten10
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the WWII veteran’s name?

Norman D.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PandubsGamingYT
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
How many Vietnam veterans does it take to change a lightbulb?

You don't know 'cause YOU WEREN'T THERE!

πŸ‘︎ 115
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Orlen86
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2018
🚨︎ report
I just met a sewage veteran.

He really knows his shit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Heisy123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Looking for a veteran to stand-in as my father for Christmas, compensation included.

For lease navy dad

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
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Why do WWI veterans dislike golf?

They always end up in the bunker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My uncle has been working in a salt mine for years, you could say that he is a seasoned veteran now.
πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2018
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My veteran cousin opened a dentist office.

They named it Drill Sergeants'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/twinsaber123
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
🚨︎ report
With Veteran's Day coming up, I asked my son if he knew why the army was so strict about their uniforms...

He didn't know, so I told him, "It's to minimize casual tees."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2017
🚨︎ report
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?

A man o' war.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Liaeriel
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2016
🚨︎ report
Talking about veterans in the family...

Dad: My Uncle Miles lost his eye in WWII. When he came back, he was just Uncle Mles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maxprocrastinator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2013
🚨︎ report
I just dad joked a veteran.

I got a splinter in my foot today, and was making a huge deal about it until my mom finally helped me out and removed it.
My grandpa: "So how much did they have to amputate?"
Me (pointing to my heel): "About a foot."
cue groans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phoenix_Fury7
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2014
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My Grandfather survived Pepper spray and Mustard gas attacks in two wars...

... And came home to us a seasoned Veteran.

Edit : To use a war pun.. " Wow, this really blew up " ...Thanks to all for contributing to this bit of fun. I feel like Granddad now with all the medals.

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an ex-military rolling around in spices?

A seasoned veteran.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snipesma
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
A Salt Rifle
πŸ‘︎ 837
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hungrylemonhaha
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My 4y olds temp is a bit high this morning so I told her she was as sick as a dog we have to take her to the vet.

She was a bit scared a very confused until we showed up at grandmas house as usual. Happy Veterans Day to my mom and those who served ! and thanks to all of you that are AD | NAD | TRS | TAMP for your service.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coloredboyadvance
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Gordon Ramsay once survived a mustard-gas attack when he was in the army. Then, he got pepper-sprayed whilst at a protest.

You could say that he is relished among the cooking community, and truly a seasoned veteran

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dg_zano
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
A struggling young news reporter was having trouble getting good sound bites from the politicians she was sent out to interview, so she invited an experienced colleague out to dinner to ask for advice.

The would-be mentor insisted on going to a seafood restaurant and then he ordered his favorite meal for the both of them. When the hard working, fresh-out-of-journalism-school grad asked the veteran newshound how he always managed to get witty phrases from the Prime Ministers and Presidents he interviewed, a sly smile swam across his face.

Intrigued, she watched intently while he reached for his wallet then removed a €5 note. Holding it toward her face over the table, she was surprised when the greying beat writer dropped the money directly on her uneaten dinner and held an index finger to his closed lips.

As they both looked down at the seafood platter, his paper Euro was suddenly sucked under the rings of fried calamari until it disappeared from sight. After what sounded like a stand-up comedian clearing his throat, a male voice with an Eastern European accent clearly rose out of her food. It said, "Trump asked for dirt on Biden so I sent him some good Ukrainian topsoil."

As the gobsmacked gal with mouth agape slowly raised her eyes to her grinning dinner guest's face, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "squid pro quote".

Required Explanation: "squid pro quote" is a play on words for the saying "quid pro quo", a Latin phrase meaning "something for something". In the news at the time of this posting a tremendous amount of discussion is being circulated about whether or not US president Trump dangled a quid pro quo offer in front of Ukraine's newly elected president, Volodymyr Zelensky. The deal had nothing to do with seafood however, so that was just a red herring. It should also be noted that Mr. Zelensky, before diving into politics, was a stand-up comedian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/podgress
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I inherited my grandfather's tax shelter today

http://imgur.com/C5p5it9

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/photoguy11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2015
🚨︎ report
What do you call a German WWII vet that still keeps a few Nazi ideologies?

A veterinarian.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pikkl_rikk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What do Japanese and Europeans call the first book of the Bible?

The Mega Drive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Mariposa5487
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
🚨︎ report
since captain rogers retired after endgame, he's no longer a super soldier

he's now a super veteran

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sakibug
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a retired German soldier?

A veterinarian.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RinzlerXV
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2017
🚨︎ report
The rookie astronaut said he was sad he couldn't find milk for his coffee.

His veteran copilot replied, "Yeah, in space no one can; here, use cream."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MookieV
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran
πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the soldier who got hit with mustard gas and pepper spray?

He's a seasoned veteran

πŸ‘︎ 126
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the solider that got hit with mustard gas and pepper spray?

He’s now a seasoned veteran

πŸ‘︎ 123
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CuteBearLegs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a soldier who has survived mustard gas and pepper spray?

A seasoned veteran

πŸ‘︎ 95
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πŸ‘€︎ u/liverpool135
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
a soldier once survived pepper spray and mustard gas

he was a seasoned veteran

πŸ‘︎ 369
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Galeelo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My soldier friend was doused with pepper spray and also survived a mustard gas attack.

Now he's a seasoned veteran.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stevehrowe2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I used to ride a light toboggan for one or two people professionally...

But then I overheard people calling my a luger behind my back so gave it up. I'm a veteran of luging.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandad was assaulted in the war with pepper spray and mustard gas.

He's a seasoned veteran

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ABOYCALLEDBRYAN
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
The soldier who survived mustard-gas and pepper-spray....

Is now a seasoned veteran

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/androidlowbattery
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a chef that used to be in the army?

A seasoned Veteran

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police.

He's now a seasoned veteran.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ntuso
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a soldier who survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray

I guess you could say he's now a seasoned veteran

πŸ‘︎ 235
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vibronicpoppy82
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2017
🚨︎ report
Dad-joked my son when I picked him up from school yesterday.

Me: Did you hear about the soldier that survived mustard gas and pepper spray?

My Son: Nope.

Me: He's a seasoned veteran.

My Son: Ugh...

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItMightGetBeard
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2013
🚨︎ report
The soldiers who survived mustard gas and pepper sprays

Are seasoned veterans.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ViperVein
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Soldier survives mustard gas at war, only to be pepper sprayed and assalted by police back home.

He is now a properly seasoned veteran.

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cuban_sailor
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2018
🚨︎ report

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