My flatmate and I are single AF so I got her flours for valentines day....
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︎ Feb 13 2021
For Valentines Day, I decided to get my wife some beads for an abacus.
It's the little things that count.
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︎ Feb 14 2021
Hey what are your plans for Valentine's day? -Us singles be like :
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︎ Feb 11 2021
I Was Told You Might Like My Valentines Day Cards ;)
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︎ Jan 21 2021
What did the beaver say to his wife on Valentineβs Day?
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︎ Feb 14 2021
help!! anyone know any good history valentineβs day puns?
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︎ Feb 06 2021
For Valentine's day, I got my wife a sexy little number that really shows her curves...
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︎ Feb 12 2021
Why is it bad to be a buffet during Valentineβs Day?
Because people always want a-more
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︎ Feb 14 2021
I have a joke about valentines day
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︎ Feb 09 2021
What type of flowers do sailors give on Valentineβs Day?
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︎ Feb 11 2021
Cupcake decorating took a turn on Valentine's day when my daughter got frosting all over the freezer
I told my wife to just leave it though since the freezer has an auto defrost feature
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︎ Feb 16 2021
What did the farmer get his wife for Valentine's Day?
A sprinkler system and it irrigated her
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︎ Jan 22 2021
People who celebrate Valentineβs Day are stupid
People who celebrate post Valentineβs Day are smart because you get more bang for your buck.
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︎ Jan 25 2021
What do you give a baker on Valentine's Day?
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︎ Oct 17 2020
*Cries in valentine's day*
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︎ Feb 10 2020
I got friend zoned but being the gentleman that I am, I still have her a dozen roses for Valentineβs Day
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︎ Mar 04 2020
Not to brag, but I already have a date for Valentines Day.
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︎ Dec 26 2018
I asked my wife what she wanted for Valentine's Day and she told me she wanted a divorce.
I told her I wasn't planning on spending that much.
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︎ Feb 14 2020
Why do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day ?
They're very scentimental
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︎ Aug 28 2020
Valentines Day 2020 - "There's love in the air"
me: well no, its got nitrogen, oxygen and a spot of COVID
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︎ Aug 22 2020
Finally, something for my Valentines Day dinner.
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︎ Jun 13 2019
Dates on Valentine's Day
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︎ Feb 16 2020
What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine's Day?
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︎ Feb 14 2020
This year for Valentine's day I gave people a can of root beer and a can of refried beans.
Told them to have a rootin' tootin' Valentine's day.
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︎ Feb 14 2020
My wife was absolutely livid after I gave her a clothesline for Valentine's day...
She stayed down a lot longer than they do in the WWE
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︎ Feb 09 2020
My boyfriend gave me a ring on Valentine's day
And he reached my voicemail
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︎ Feb 14 2020
What do you call someone who was born on Valentineβs Day?
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︎ Feb 13 2020
Girlfriend got mad when I gave her a box full of ants with calculators for valentines day
Don't understand why, she'd always told me it's little things that count?
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︎ Feb 22 2020
Hey dads, get your significant other one of these for valentine's day!
https://imgur.com/VpQ80W3
I know my wife loves a boo-K.
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︎ Feb 11 2020
I already have a date lined up for Valentines day
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︎ Jan 17 2020
Am I the only one who got a Valentine's day card marked...
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︎ Feb 14 2020
The only time I got anything for Valentine's Day was in 3rd grade where my teacher gave me a Slim Jim.
I spent Valentine's Day eating my meat.
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︎ Jan 28 2020
My pun-themed Valentineβs Day gifts for my best friend :)
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︎ Feb 14 2019
I asked the older woman at work what she is doing for Valentineβs Day and she said that she was taking her husband to the Cardiologist. That is true love. The heart wants what the heart wants. β€οΈ
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︎ Feb 14 2019
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︎ Feb 14 2017
I finally found a date for Valentineβs Day
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︎ Feb 14 2018
I got a rooster on 2018's Valentine's day.
Lol, on last year's Valentine's day my best friend had got mad at me for not asking my crush out.
We'd planned on going to McDonald's together because he didn't have a date either. When I arrived at McDonald's this f*cker was holding a cardboard box with a terrified look and when he saw me he immediately gave me the box and told me he'd already bought the food and that we better take the bus to my place. I just thought he probably was joking or something because the box didn't even have any kind of decoration, it even had a chips brand printed on it, but as we got to the bus and sat I felt something moving inside, I thought maybe it was a puppy or something, but why did he look scared of it?
So, we get to my house, I go to my backyard, where my then 7yo beagle was and I open the box. I could only see a black blur flying out of it and then heard my best friend scream. It was a rooster. He's terrified of birds. And weirdest of all it was a fully grown rooster but he was super tiny, like 10 inches tall tiny.
I asked him wtf was going on and he just kinda hid behind the backyard door and said "I bought it so that you could get some cock tonight".
I always make puns and he hates them, I was speechless. So long story short I now own 6 chickens and 4 roosters (my mom got super mad at him for buying the rooster, but then she got super attached and bought him a chicken, when she laid eggs she let them hatch, the rooster's name is Enrique btw, my mom even made him a birthday party and all last week, lol)
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︎ Feb 18 2019
I hop everyone has a hoppy Valentineβs Day!
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︎ Feb 14 2019
Yeah, I have a date for Valentine's Day.
February 14th.
(it's 11:26 PM where I am so it's still Valentine's Day for me)
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︎ Feb 15 2019
After Valentine's Day, we need an "Alentine's Ay"
because there should be something for those who don't get the V or the D
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︎ Feb 13 2019
I bought my wife a matching belt and bag for Valentine's Day
She should have that vacuum up and running in no time.
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︎ Feb 15 2019
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentineβs Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy
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︎ Feb 14 2018
I would talk about Valentineβs Day
But it looks like I missed my date
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︎ Feb 15 2019
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers
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︎ Feb 13 2019
With Valentine's Day coming up this week, I fear I'm going to be inundated with women.
Oops, sorry. In. Undated.
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︎ Feb 11 2019
My wife says she wants to order a glass of wine during our Valentineβs Day dinner.
She says she loves being carded.
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︎ Feb 14 2019
I NEED PUNS FOR VALENTINES DAY FOR CLASS! MY TEACHER IS MAKING ME MAKE CARDS!
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︎ Feb 13 2019
For Valentines Day, I decided to get my girlfriend some beads for an abacus.
Itβs the little things that count.
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︎ Feb 12 2021
For Valentines Day, I decided to get my wife some beads for an abacus.
Itβs the little things that count.
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︎ Feb 12 2019
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