My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I couldn’t open any of the files.

I always have trouble with emotional attachments.

👍︎ 13k
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📅︎ Aug 16 2020
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All my porn is in a compressed folder

Sigh unzips

👍︎ 226
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👤︎ u/ldb477
📅︎ Jul 17 2019
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Ugh, I have a huge file to decompress. This is going to take forever.

Sigh unzips

👍︎ 42
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📅︎ Apr 30 2018
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Told my fiance about vests being on sale...

Her: "I don't know, can I pull off a vest?"

Me: "Once you unzip it, it shouldnt be too much trouble."

👍︎ 114
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👤︎ u/TheDarlis
📅︎ Sep 12 2016
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How do you tell if a DNA stand is a boy or a girl?

You unzip its genes.

👍︎ 26
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👤︎ u/_Sellers
📅︎ Dec 08 2016
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Got my wife at the liquor store

In my hometown liquor store there is a big sign on the door "take your hoods off" meaning the take the hood on your jacket off of your head so they can see your face. My jacket I was wearing has a removable hood, so I unzipped my hood and carried it with me. My wife didn't find it anywhere as funny as I did.

👍︎ 17
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📅︎ Nov 17 2014
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How do you tell the difference between an X chromosome and a Y chromosome?

you unzip its genes.

  • everyone shakes head in disappointment or chuckles *
👍︎ 14
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👤︎ u/emilgromm
📅︎ Jul 01 2016
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Here's a small insight of what my siblings and I have had to deal with our entire lives.

So, its the day "Clash of the Titans' comes out in theaters. My dad decides to take my brother and I, (we're all big fans), so we get there early and are waiting out in the lobby, my dad and brother go to the bathroom, I wait on a bench for them. A few minutes go by and I see them coming out, my dad giggling at himself, my brother red with embarrassment, and some men behind them laughing.. I want to know, but do I really want to know?

"What did you do?"

He proceeded to tell me of how he overheard some guys chatting about how excited they are for the movie, then realized everyone in there was probably going to see the same movie we are, so he thought it would be a good idea to get in the conversation. He calmy unzipped his pants and yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" as he peed.

And that was all he said.

My poor brother.

👍︎ 18
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📅︎ Aug 15 2013
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Riding in the car with my parents and sister

My sister was showing me some pictures of her prom-dress. I said it looked like something out of game of thrones, but she didn't agree.

Me: "Oh well, it's not like I know that much about dresses anyways."

Dad, from behind the wheel: "As long as you know how to UNZIP THEM!!"

I high fived him and my mother and sister looked disgusted.

👍︎ 4
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📅︎ Dec 22 2014
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