I got fired from Uber.

Apparently they didn't like it when I went the extra mile.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elster000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
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I was an uber driver for a bunch of pro wrestlers, they were so tired after their show they all just stacked on top of each other in my backseat

I guess I was the pile driver

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RKO-Cutter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
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Did you hear about the Uber driver that never had a customer?

He worked 3 weeks and nothing to chauffeur it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elster000
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
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I tried to give the Uber Eats driver another tip for my Vietnamese soup.

He said to pho-get it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
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Uber Eats
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πŸ‘€︎ u/79to55
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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So my Uber driver's name is Adill

I really hope his driving doesn't get me into a pickle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/B_33K
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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Why do cops only use Uber and Lyft?

They dont want to call for A-CAB.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Useless-Chicken
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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Why do Uber drivers skip the gym ?

Because they don't even Lyft

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
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Uber annoying
πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arbitrary_Bastion
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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So I was driving uber tonight and I picked up a girl from the dorms at UNCW. She sat in the front and we were chatting when suddenly she sneezed.... Now. I didn't realize it while talking, but she had a glass eye, and when she sneezed her glass eye came flying out at me.

I caught it, handed it back to her and she popped it in and said thank you. I didn't know what else to say...

So, we rode in silence for the rest of the trip until we got to the bar. When we arrived at the bar, she turned and asked if she could have my number. I was flattered because she was so pretty, but I told her I was happily engaged.

She smiled at me and said, "That's a shame, you really caught my eye."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/izzy10200
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
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The worst thing about driving for Uber is all the people talking behind your back
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wellzy33
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2018
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My parents used my Uber to go and file the application ending their marriage.

I gave the driver one star. He drove my parents to divorce.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sebfazio
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
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My annoying Uber driver dropped me off at the bar.

She drove me to drink.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tigreye007
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
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Uber driver, more like...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cilaera
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
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Uber planned certain business strategy, but it drives customers away
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vinotm
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
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What do you call a German Uber?

Über

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πŸ‘€︎ u/James-Kinley
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
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He is in uber trouble...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DesertRose23
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
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My wife drops me off in front of a restaurant in our Land Rover. Another patron notices the car and says, β€œThat must have been an expensive uber.”

To which I replied: β€œtell me about it. I’ve been with her for 20 years.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mckaneorg
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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What's the difference between Al Capone and Anakin Skywalker driving an Uber

One's a tax evader, the other is a taxi Vader

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ericpenguin314
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
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My uber driver's first job is a dad

Driver: "So Resetspls, if I ask you how many seconds are in a year, with out your phone or any calculator, could you tell me

"Honestly no."

Driver: "12"

"Uhhhh...."

Driver: "Can I do the math"

"Of course, please"

Driver: " January 2nd, February 2nd...."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ResetsPls
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2017
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I took Uber yesterday. The driver said, β€œI love my job. I’m my own boss. No one tells me what to do.”

I said, β€œPlease turn left.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2018
🚨︎ report
β€œYou don’t choose your journey; the journey chooses you” - Uber driver
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m getting tired of Uber drivers.

They’re always trying to pick me up..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Musicmanst90
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear Santa is becoming an Uber driver to make extra money?

His ride is 9 bucks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/strabbit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2017
🚨︎ report
Why is Uber/Lyft the worst business model?

They drive all their customers away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Me-Smart
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2018
🚨︎ report
New from Uber: Eweber
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crompyyy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Whiskey and rum so are no longer allowed on Uber rides

You can only Lyft your spirits.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/americangame
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Just got given one star from my uber driver

All I said was, "thanks for the lyft"

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2018
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I was tired after a long walk today. So instead of walking back I asked my son to call me an Uber.

He said, "OK. You're an Uber."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tallpapab
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2017
🚨︎ report
Why doesn't Thor like using Uber ?

Because he Lyft's.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/roccodai1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2017
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One of my Uber fares, a dad with his kids, dropped this one in the car today.

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?

...

"Bison."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yum_coke_zero
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2015
🚨︎ report
Overheard my Scottish passenger say this to his girlfriend while driving Uber today.

Driving them back to their house, he points over at a business and says to her "Maybe I should work for that company there?

She looks over and asks "Amscot?"

To which he replies "Yeah, I am Scot."

I laughed out loud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skarest
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2016
🚨︎ report
What does Uber do when it is hungry?

Uber Eats.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElitistPopulist
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you want me to call you an uber?

You're an uber.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/toodleloo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2017
🚨︎ report

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