When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
Has anyone read the prequel to Hamlet yet ?
Did anyone see the news story about the HIV virus mutating to affect citrus plants?
Did anyone hear what happened to planet Earth last night?
If anyone has a suggestion on how to reverse the spell that turned me into corn...
I said to my kids, "Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do! Take Beethoven for example. They told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf!"
Does anyone know if it's possible to have a skin graft taken from a buttock to donate to someone who isn't a relative?
Does anyone know the best way to remove ice from a windscreen?
I've just used an old discount card I found in my wallet, but I only got 20% off....
Has anyone been to Engagement, Ohio ?
It's a little place between Dayton and Marion.
Does anyone know why you are supposed to capitalize On A Bad Situation?
I was once offered the chance to join a secret club, where anyone who asks a question is permanently banned.
You can't blame anyone if you fall in your driveway due to snowy weather...
Because that's your own asphalt.
Anyone listened to the mountain joke?
If not u should cause it’s hil-arious
Why didn't anyone want to date Alexa ?
Because every time she smiled she had a bluetooth.
Anyone with the last name Boyce has a social responsibility to name their son Ferdinand
Come on, it’s Ferda Boyce
If anyone is looking to have a custom ark built for them
An American, landing in India: Does anyone here know how to play baseball?
Anyone: I’m gunna run down to the convenient store and get something to drink.
Dad: you should probably drive, running that far seems like a lot of unnecessary work.
Hey, anyone know any good Sword fighting puns ? Trying to think of any
.. words with a dual meaning.
A ‘divine’ healer in his ‘miracle’ ministry called, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed for, please come forward to the front."
With that, John got in line and when it was his turn the Pastor asked, " John, what do you want me to pray for you?"
John replied, "Pastor, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."
The Pastor put one finger of one hand on John's ear, placed his other hand on top of John's head, and then prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with much enthusiasm. After a few minutes, the Pastor removed his hands, stood back and asked: "John, how is your hearing now?"
John answered, "I don't know. My hearing is actually next Thursday in the "Magistrate Court."
If anyone is alone this Christmas and has nobody to spend it with, please let me know..
I really need to borrow some chairs.
Anyone want to buy a broken barometer?
If anyone dares to make fun of Satan's hairpiece
there will be Hell Toupee
Does anyone know how long it takes to repair a hearing aid?
I sent mine away 2 weeks ago and I haven't heard anything since.
Anyone I ever dated was impressed when I told them I liked to relax on my poop deck.
They were always disappointed when I showed them it was just a regular deck with dog poop on it.
Anyone out there any preference for their favorite island to visit..?
Anyone want to help me make a TV show about Abraham Lincoln?
The plan is to shoot it in front of a live audience.
Would anyone like to buy a mask for their duck?
They aren't fancy or nothing but they fit the bill!
Does anyone know how to get stains out of cloth diapers?
We've tried everything, but it remains undie turd.
You’re not going to offend anyone with jokes about legless cows.
I’m never again donating money to anyone collecting for a marathon.
They just take the money and run.
Shout out to anyone who doesn't know what the opposite of in is
I refuse to vote for anyone in the dried fruit competition.
There aren't any good candied-dates.
A confectioner just couldn’t break bad news to anyone
He kept sugarcoating everything
When I first heard the proposal to rename Oklahoma City after Ohio, I was confused as to why anyone would want that. But after hearing someone explain the logic behind it, I thought to myself:
I carry a stone with me to throw at anyone who sings Christmas carols before Thanksgiving.
It is my jingle bell rock.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
If anyone has a suggestion on how to reverse the spell that turned me into corn...
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
Has anyone read the prequel to Hamlet...?
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
It turns out that identity theft is a crime.
Do you know anyone who's going to be alone this Xmas ?
Please let me know....I need to borrow some chairs.
Anyone want to buy a broken barometer?
Don't ever listen to anyone telling you that you can't be something you want to!!.....
Everyone told Beethoven too that he can't be a musician just because he was deaf........
Did He Listen???!!
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