Thrownness Puns

They just said "How dairy!"

I fell on hard times

They didn’t like my critter sizing.

My answer was spot on, upon being asked to give an example on a "Business being completely ruined due to carelessness" All I said was... "A Pregnant Prostitute"

It was paneful.

He was gladiator already.

As they hit me, I thought, “that’s not gneiss.”

Turns out he committed party fowl

I committed tacks evasion.

Trashbrowns!

I thought to myself, that's not very mature.

Apparently they just can’t take a little critter-sizing!

Discuss

Apparently it's absolute panda-monium

The judge ruled the evidence was all ear-relevant.

Now that's a DELL ROLLING in the deep

Let that sink in.

Would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

They thought I was stealing songs, but I was just taking notes.

I couldn't make bale.

Yeah, I know. Pretty nuts?

Therapist: are you?

Me : screams

Therapist : oh i see

Me:screaming intensifies

I am a bit proud of what I achieved today. I promise that this is spontaneous to me, even though I might have heard the word somewhere else.

So my older children are up and waiting for breakfast, and they started talking about a game variety of Parkour, and the word “legendary” is being thrown around casually. So I ask them if they know what legendary means, and my son says, after a minute of thinking, that it means very amazing. I answered, “No, legendary means super famous milk.” Took them half a minute to figure out and I got the biggest groans ever!

It was the mac.

It was the monster mac.

the monster mac

was in the graveyard trash.

He showed up wearing only a lawsuit.

... and you still hate him now. But now he's an official resident of Florida and I may see him differently now. I've seen a lot of hate thrown his way, but this guy is a consistent winner and an overachiever. That's what the people who support him love about him. Yes, there have been some scandals. Yes, there have been some lies and maybe a few times he's twisted the truth to make himself look better. He's out there everyday proving those haters wrong time after time. Call it jealously, call it envy. Some people just can't handle how successful he is and how much money he has. They could even be jealous that he's got a hot, foreign model as his wife. You may not have wanted him in this role, but he's there now and there is nothing you or I can do about it. I know it'll possibly get worse over the next several days, but like him or not, Tom Brady is turning things around in Tampa Bay.

We got to talking and I found out she worked as a stunt double on some pretty big name movie sets. She looked to be at least 10 years my senior but very fit and attractive and we both seemed to really be hitting it off.

Because all the immediate family in the local area had thrown a smaller, more private celebration for my father a few days prior, I didn't really feel a need to stick around any longer, so I asked the woman if she was interested in sharing some drinks with me at the nearby Hilton where I was staying. She happily accepted.

Suddenly, I turned towards the sound of my father's voice cheerfully calling out the name "Andra" (pronounced ON-druh) and my own as he approached. Andra, the woman I had been speaking with, turned towards him, glanced quickly back at me, then looked back again at my father and with a disconcerted look on her face exclaimed, "Oh brother!"

And that's when I realized the double, Aunt Andra.

Tryptophan

She ran away from the ball.

I'm falling two pieces.

He was resisting a rest

Oops, wrong sub.

A stick!

It was a bluff.

But it was too far fetched.

He has rust issues.

They lived. Luckily it was a soft drink.

It was out of order.

I said, “Well, a few people were crying, but I was fine.”

They didn’t like me critter sizing.

I guess they didn't want me critter sizing.

They didn't like me critter sizing.