The 3 rings of a relationship are engagement ring, wedding ring, and
Constantly telling dad jokes is causing a rift in my relationship. We are now seeing a Marriage Counselor. The therapist asked me how I felt.
I thought it was touching.
Just failed a relationship and my friend comfort me by saying there're plenty more fish in the sea
Sounds fishy. I already know about that.
What did the light switch say to his relationship therapist?
Currently, we have an on-off off relationship, and I’m just not sure that spark is still there
In my outdoor nature class I pointed out some lichen growing on granite and taught them the mnemonic “Freddie fungus took a likin’ to Alice algae” to teach them about the symbiotic relationship. One 5th grade boy responded
“Looks like their relationship is on the rocks.” He’ll make a great dad some day.
Why do the legumes have such a good relationship with farmer Jack?
'cuz Jack and the beans talk.
How would you describe the relationship between a pumpkin's radius and circumference?
I'm in a relationship with a woman that snips the end off wasps.
I was the teller of Dad Jokes in the relationship
Female here. Even before me and my ex had our son. I was the one telling the dad jokes. Still am--and still getting hell for it, but this was one of my favorites that I was just reminded of...
While going to bed...:
Me: (struggling to untangle bed sheet) Man, I can't believe this sheet...
Ex: (sighs at the pun) Shut up.
Me: (still struggling) This sheet's crazy!
Ex: I'm warning you...
Me: (laughing hysterically now, I've lost my mind) Why? Is it because--
Ex: Don't_you_dare!
Me: Is it because you think these jokes are--pillow me? (ducks under sheet...and gets smacked in the head)
Totally worth it!
My 16 year old son told me I was a simp (probably because I'm looking to get into a new relationship), after I looked up the meaning I told him:
You must be a Simpson then.
Why couldn't the balcony leave his relationship?
The fruit’s relationship had come to end…
She had to let that mango.
What did the pasta send to the other pasta to spice up their relationship?
My relationship with the woman I met bungee jumping didn't last long.
As we were both on the rebound.
I started reading this great book about the relationship between military battles and green vegetables.
It’s called War and Peas.
Taller the guy, longer the relationship
What is the Sorting Hat’s favourite relationship advice?
What relationship advice did the snail give to it’s friend?
The most stable relationship I have is with my bed
Because it stands on four legs.
My sister had a baby, she hopes it’ll save the relationship...
But I still don’t talk to her
My last relationship ended because I didn't open the car door for her...
Instead I swam up to the surface.
When in a new relationship, does your stomach hurt because of the butterflies...
Or the farts you hold in.
What's the relationship between Octopi and Pens?
They have a lot ink-common.
I once had a relationship with a woman who lived on the houseboat next to mine
but sadly we drifted apart.
Why couldn’t the Egyptian get out of her abusive relationship?
She was still in de-Nile.
I have a friendly relationship with the ocean.
Everytime I see it in passing, it waves at me.
What’s the relationship between people buying pizza and people selling it?
They both want each other’s dough.
Her: This is idiotic. We are not talking over the radio. The relationship is over.
Me: This relationship is what? Over.
Why is Earth worried about the relationship between Mercury and Venus? Because these two are moving too fast.
My gay friend was having relationship issues with his boyfriend. I told him the truth...
Gay men are fucking assholes.
Why did the pirate bury a painting of their past relationship, with their treasure?
Why did the relationship between 2 cheese wheels fail?
One wasn’t Gouda nuff for the other...
🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️🤪
Sincerely,
Dad
[At the therapist] Her: He’s always trying to jeopardize our relationship.
Therapist: And how do you respond to that?
Me: I’ll take “My wife is being a big baby” for $600, Alex.
"I dont know, it feels like the relationship was starting to go bad..."
"Did you go on an expiration date?"
Two melons were in a relationship but the parents did not approve of it.
One suggested secretly running away together to get married, but the suggestion was shot down when the other said, "we cantaloupe!"
Everyone should try tying their partner up at some point in the relationship.
It's a great bonding experience!
The relationship between the moon and the ocean is just one huge Tide ad.
None of the planets in our solar system have shown interest in a relationship with Pluto
He's just too cold and distant.
Bonus punchline.. They just want a platonic friendship
My relationship with the former US Women's National Soccer Team goalkeeper is coming to an end
I'm starting to lose Hope. I haven't felt Solo for a long time
My girlfriend said my over-ambitious assassin jokes were getting in the way of our relationship
and I just said..."don't worry, I'll take them all out"
I have a love-hate relationship with my rival of the same sex
Why did the end of one sentence not pursue a relationship with the start of the next sentence?
Because there was a language barrier.
Why was the dinosaur hesitant to start another relationship?
Because he always Rex them.
I have a loving relationship with the 90s. You kid's today don't get it.
But if you could only see the way they loved me, maybe you would understand.
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