A list of puns related to "The Pearls"
She was very shellfish
Seriously, I don't know they could have made it Eddie Vedder.
She was shellfish.
I explained to him that it was the Americans who made the movie.
You're so shellfish!
I told her, “It doesn’t get Eddie Vedder than this.”
So I can respond “if I was Eddie Vedder, I’d be you”
This is disconcerting news.
But seriously:
Hitler invades Poland, Japan attacks Pearl Harbor, and the Tripartite Pact has been signed!
I picked up a head cold from my toddler and was worried about it progressing to something worse. Texted my doc, and he said to come in ASAP. That afternoon, he prescribed for me some cough meds, and a nasal steroid to help with the blockage.
I get home, and after putting the still-snotty kiddo to bed, my wife and I retreated to the boudoir to talk and relax. She wanted to know what Doc prescribed. She gave me the perfect setup for a dad joke.
Me: Oh, some pearls and codeine for the cough, and a steroid spray for my nose.
Wife: Where is it?
Me: (pointing at nose) It's right here in the middle of my face.
She laughed. Good thing we were far enough away we didn't wake up the kid.
Great pun my dad posted to his facebook last night while we were at the pearl jam in Tampa... I didn't even notice until I got home:
"Doesn't get Eddie Vedder than this"
... the guide showed us all around the plantation and gave us the history of caster, granulated, confectioners, and pearl sugar. I asked the guide “how much brown sugar do you make?”. He replied “no we have nunna dem here sir”
“Why not? Are they harder to find?”
“Yes. Demerara”
We were listening to Pearl Jam's "Alive" in the car this evening. She pipes up out of nowhere:
"Q: What does Eddie Vedder wear to bed?"
"A: Pearl Jammies"
She's 12. I'm proud.
I came home from work the other night and as I walk in Better Man by Pearl Jam is on the stereo, and my wife is setting out a nice juicy steak for me.
I looked her right in the eye's and told her truthfully that "It doesn't get Eddie Veder than this"
She punched my shoulder...
A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound.The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." Distraught, the man is forced to leave.Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again.The monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."The man sa,ys, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk."The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk."The man sets about his task. After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks."In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception."The monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound."The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door."The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond.Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, "This is the last key to the last door."The man is apprehensive to no end. His life's wish is behind that door!With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the kno
... keep reading on reddit ➡Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
She was shellfish.
I had to tell him that it was the Americans who made that movie.
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