Why didn't the captain of the Titanic think to melt the iceberg?

He hadn't thawed of that

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lordofthstrings
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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it’s just the tip of the iceberg
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buttholepretzel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
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An iceberg caused the Titanic to sink..

Lettuce have a moment of silence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
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Watch out for the iceberg lettuce!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rabbitoncrack
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
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What did Titanic say to the iceberg?

Thanks for the tip.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2018
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What did the iceberg say to the sun?

You crack me up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pawsthepug
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
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"Lettuce shortage could be tip of the iceberg as heatwave continues" - The Telegraph. That was worthy of the Grauniad.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MartiniPlusOlive
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2018
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Why couldn't anyone hear the melting iceberg on the radio?

He was breaking up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAMA_Printer_AMA
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2015
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Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.

Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BilhoeBaggins
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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I’d tell you the one about the lettuce,

But it’s just the tip of the iceberg.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rumpystumpy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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I’ve been having to use lettuce as TP since the Covid craziness

The worst part is the news says this is just the tip of the iceberg and what I need to use as TP tomorrow romaines to be seen. Stay safe kids, Dad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
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514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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Apparently, new government advice in light of the toilet paper shortage is to use lettuce leaves when using the toilet.

It's the tip of the iceberg (courtesy of my dad).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nathd1991
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
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The lettuce at the bottom of our pan was frozen solid.

Coworker 1: Aw shucks looks like we got the wrong lettuce.

Coworker 2: What do you mean? It's the same lettuce we usually get.

Coworker 1: Nuh uh, this is clearly iceberg lettuce.

Badum tss

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
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History lesson

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TibtibThePrincess
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
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I found some lettuce stuck in my dog's butt.

Alas, it was only the tip of the iceberg.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elokwins
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
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β€œDoctor, I think I have a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bum!”

Doctor: I’m sorry to tell you that it is just the tip of the iceberg.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2018
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There was a frost warming last night and I was worried about my garden.

I ended up losing everything except the iceberg lettuce.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/terkoon
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
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A woman goes to the doctors with a piece of lettuce sticking out the top of her underwear

The doctor says, "that looks nasty" the woman replies "that's just the tip of the iceberg"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/J96x_Rob_LFC
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2017
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An iceberg walks into a bar

Orders a single beer and leaves 200 USD

Bartender: Wow! That's way too generous! Iceberg: That's just the tip of an iceberg!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/n1had
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2017
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How do you catch a polarbear?

Go to the north pole, cut a hole in the ice. Put round peas around the hole. Hide behind a iceberg.

When the bear takes a pea kick him in the ice hole.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joe2u2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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β€œDoc, I think I have a serious issue. A piece of lettuce is sticking out of my butt!”

Doc: I’m afraid that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2018
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Does this count as a joke?

My dad and I were sitting, watching TV the other night when I scrolled past something about the Titanic movie on my phone. I asked him what he would’ve taken from the Titanic if he were on it and had the chance to escape. Without looking up from his magazine, he just flipped a page and replied with β€œthe iceberg.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theashtonjay
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2018
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Dadjoked my dad, overheard him proudly repeating this one to family members...

Someone knocked the dial in the fridge and everything froze, dinner was ruined for the next couple of nights and a lot had to be thrown out, my dad pulled a lettuce out and handed me it, saying: "look at that, it's frozen"

to which my reply was "what do you expect, it's an iceberg"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebenprocter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2016
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Sister Mary Margaret went to the doctor for her early physical

Sister Mary Margaret went to the doctor for her early physical. The doctor said "alright, I'll need you to take off your habit and stand in your underwear."

The sister took off her habit and stood in her underwear before the doc. He started to examine her and saw lettuce sticking out of her underwear.

"Sister, you have lettuce sticking out of your underwear. That doesn't look good for your exam."

She replied "that's just the tip if the Iceberg."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnFoxpoint
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2015
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My dad has an Instagram account. He posted this the other day and I thought you guys would enjoy.

Link to screenshot of photo

For those of you who don't click the link; it's a picture of my dad with a big piece of lettuce hanging out of his ear. The caption reads: I went to the doctor because of an ear problem. The doctor said, "It appears as though you have lettuce in your ear." "Oh no," I said, "Is it serious?" "Sorry but," the doctor said, "I'm afraid it's only the tip of the iceberg!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mekkasheeba
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2014
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My grandad pulled this one out at dinner tonight.

The man went to the doctor with a lettuce sticking out of his bum.

The doctor said, don't worry it's only the tip of the iceberg.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bennybyrnes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2014
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I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves

But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
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I ran out of toilet roll so am reduced to wiping my butt with lettuce leaves.....

I fear it's just the tip of the iceberg.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrFabulous0
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
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Ran out of toilet paper and am now wiping with lettuce leaves.

Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slammogram
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
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Run out of toilet paper and having to use lettuce leaves

I'm really annoyed. And this is just the tip of the iceberg!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
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I went to the doctors for the first time in a while. He told me that I had a piece of lettuce hanging out of my ass.

I told him that was just the tip of the iceberg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unclecandypockets
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
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lettuce see the problem

A man goes to see his doctor because he has a lettuce leaf sticking out of his ear.

"Hmmm," the doctor says, "that's strange."

The guy replies, "I know. And that's just the tip of the iceberg."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shimshamshum
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
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A guy goes to the doctor and says β€œI don’t feel too good it feels like I’ve got a lettuce up my butt.

The proctologist says alright let me have a look.

The proctologist comes back and says β€œI’ve got bad news, it’s worse than that, that’s only the tip of the iceberg”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nickabref
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
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Mexicans love mayonnaise

In fact, back in 1912 the Titanic was loaded with 1000 cases of mayonnaise that were to be delivered to Mexico after the ship briefly stopped in New York. But as we all know, the ship hit an iceberg and sank. The Mexican people were so sad they created a special day to honor the event. Sinko de Mayo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jsushe01
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2017
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Lettuce have a laugh at this

At dinner just now. Mom was eating a salad and commented on how cold the lettuce was.

Dad: "Well, it is iceberg lettuce."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/womble2113
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2016
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This one's actually from my dad a few days ago

Most people didn’t know that back in 1912, Hellmann’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England.

In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico … but as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York . The ship hit an iceberg and sank.

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as …Sinko De Mayo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rIse_four_ten_ten
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2014
🚨︎ report

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