Why couldn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because he didn't habenaro.
Reflecting on Prince Philip death, I was chatting with the Mrs and I said, I know I’m getting a little older, but I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.
She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….
EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❤️
My Grandpa beat my Grandma to death,
Not with a stick or knife he just died first.
r/3amjokes
Mr Shelly, beaten to death on a Fry-day
Never challenge Death to a pillow fight
Unless you're prepared to handle the reaper cushions.
What is green and fuzzy and if it falls out a tree it'll kill you?
The Mafia have boiled a man to death in a industrial cooker.
Police are still trying to al dentefy the victim.
Have you heard about the Angel of Death that's not so intelligent?
I don't like green boogers, or yellow boogers, or big boogers, or little boogers.
I guess you could say I'm rather picky.
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass! I lied about the wheels.
I ordered some ripe, juicy, golden yellow mangoes from a grocery store. But all the mangoes they sent me were green.
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
Breathe, damn it! Breathe!
My dealer got me the last of this in-demand strain called Death Star.
He says I'm lucky before he Alderaan out.
You come to the end of the road. North of you is the red house, west is the green house, east is the blue house. Where is the white house?
Did you hear about the women that choked to death on her meal at the Indian restaurant?...
Yeah it's not funny it was someone's Naan
Every time we go to the putting green, my friend has to bring along a bag of Pringles to munch on...
He always wants to practice his chipping.
The Franciscan priest left the monastery to start a flower shop, but before he could open, a flock of sheep in the village got loose and trampled him to death.
Only ewes can prevent florist friars.
What is green and slide through the snow?
Did you know that your pupils are the last parts to stop working after you die?
What did the green light say to the red light?
The Death was Shocking to be honest
Anyone who can spell the word drawer backwards...
How do you track Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints!
Argon enters a bar, the bartender says “We don’t serve noble gases here.”
There are only two white people in the movie Black Panther
Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.
They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.
I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.
What did the left eye say to the right eye when they got married?
'Eye-do'
This is my first post pls don't kill me lol.
The people in the comment section is why I love this subreddit!!
Cred once again my sis wants credit lol
Ever wonder what happened to the Jolly Green Giant?
What was a very common name in the middle ages?
I heard parents named their children lance a lot.
First post please don't kill me
Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the... Bottom...
(as told by my 5yo son, I'm so proud)
What pan is the best to make sushi in?
Why didn’t the green pepper do archery?
BECAUSE IT DIDNT HABANERO LMAOOO
I said to my wife, "I need to call the doctor today." Concerned, she asked, "Which doctor?"
"No, the regular kind!" I laughed.
I've just deleted all the German names off my pre owned iPhone..
Did you know 10+10 and 11+11 are the same?
10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too
Not really a Joke, but just being a Dad.
OK, when my first kid became cognizant, about two years old, I would wait until I could see the street light was going to turn green, just blow at it, and it would turn green. I never said a word. I would just do it.
After doing this for about a year or so, my daughter caught on and could not figure out how I was doing this.
She finally asked me, "Daddy Magic", of course.
She is now 31, and she still blows at street lights.
That is the real Daddy Magic.
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"
Very disappointed to find out that the universal remote control I bought does not control the universe.
Why couldn't the green pepper practice archery?
because It didn't habenero . .
What is green and not heavy?
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
Breathe man! Damnit, breathe!
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
What’s green and not very heavy?
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
BREATH!!
Edit: breathe..dammit
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