The Five Doctors Puns

"Five penises!!" he said "How do your trousers fit"

"Like a glove" I said

Being tired and weary, the lawyer-onion isn't sure whether to go, but decides he needs cheering up.

So he dresses smartly, puts on his favorite aftershave and heads over to his friend's.

He gets to the party to find it quite a packed affair and heads over to the bar - fighting through crowds of reveller-onions - to get a drink.

As he gets to the bar, he notices in one corner a slightly out-of-place female onion.

She looks a bit sad and being the compassionate onion that he is, he heads over to talk to her.

This is quickly affirmed as a good move, as they hit it off immediately; she was abandoned by her friends shortly after arriving and had been minding her own business ever since, but over a night of drinks and talking, they quickly fall into an infatuation and soon end up spending an oniony night of passion together.

When they awake in the morning, they don't find it awkward and a steady relationship between the two is struck.

This lasts a good while, having its ups and downs like any college relationship, but eventually the day comes when they both graduate.

The two couldn't be happier!

They both get jobs close to one another and move into an apartment together.

One day, the partner-onion is anxiously awaiting the lawyer-onion at home.

She's been ill all day and checking has confirmed her suspicions.

She tearfully - and joyfully - breaks the news to the lawyer-onion; they're going to have a tiny baby-onion together.

A shallot, if you will.

A few days later, this prompts the lawyer-onion to propose to his heretofore girlfriend-onion.

They are soon wed, having a fantastic wedding-day and husband and wife-onions are on top of the world.

The day comes of the birth and no complications - a tiny, healthy baby onion is born to two proud parents.

Seeing this little bundle of oniony love in their arms causes them to fall deeper in love than ever.

Over the next few years, husband-and-wife-onions' lives are fantastic.

He's prospering at work, she's really enjoying taking some time to raise the baby-onion and over time the baby-onion grows into a hale and hearty toddler-onion, who then becomes a child-onion.

One day, the idyll of the onions' lives is shattered when tragedy strikes.

The lawyer-onion (now a partner-onion in a prestigious law firm due to chance and hard work) is at work, and mother-onion is washing dishes and watching her child play in the yard.

She glances away to take another plate and turns her vision back to

In a room together with my sister and parents after not having seem them for a long time. Sister places her fingers a little under my ear (male) and is explaining to my mom what she has been learning in med school, "This the mandibular angle...".

My dad, also a doctor, then places his fingers on the same place on my sister's face and says, "and this is the womandibular angle". Cue hysterical laughter and me and my dad high fiving each other.

While eating pizza for my daughter's birthday...

Daughter: "Daddy, I'm 5. Were you five when you were small like me? But then you turned six."

Me: "Yes, but then I went to the doctor and got better."

wife eyes start rolling

Daughter: "Daddy, I want be eight."

Me:"So does that slice of pizza"

My wife dropped her slice and buried her face in her hands. I think she was trying to keep her eyes from falling out.

I started interning at an animal hospital last week. It's in a slightly rough neighbourhood, so when two girls got into a loud argument across the street, someone called the cops out of worry.

A few minutes later, we see two cop cars and a fire truck where the argument took place. A Vet Technician (a nurse for animals) asked me, "What's going on?" I told her, "Two girls got into an argument across the street and someone called the cops."

She says, "But why is the fire department here?" I tell her, "Maybe the argument got too heated."

She proceeded to tell the doctors, and then she gave me a high five.

"Like a glove."