Cremation, the last chance for a smokin hot body
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gupp06
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
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Why can’t the pope be cremated?

Because he’s still alive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
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A dear friend of mine passed away recently. He asked that we spread his cremated ashes in the big fountain in the town square.

He will be mist.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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Here at Smith Blarney cremation service we make money the old-fashioned way
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2016
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Did you hear about the morgue employee who got cremated?

He fell asleep on the clock and got fired.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Justicarnage
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2017
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I got the sack for asking a customer if they wanted smoking or non smoking.

Cremation or funeral was the correct term.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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Before I die I am going to eat a whole bag of unpopped popcorn.

Just to make the cremation process a little bit more interesting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/b_wanker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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The pope doesnt want to be cremated

Oh really why not?

Cuzz he's still alive

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrStaak
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2013
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I got fired when I asked a customer if he preferred smoking or non smoking.

Apparently the correct terms are "cremation" and "burial".

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dumb-reply
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer "Smoking" or "Non-Smoking".

Apparently the correct terms are "cremation" and "burial"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ht-18
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
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My dad at my Grandmother's Funeral

My grandmother was cremated and we were having a service to pay our respects. I was scared and didn't want to go up to the altar alone so my dad went with me.

We stood there, side by side, and stared in reverent silence at the small simple wooden box which was holding my grandmother's ashes. After a minute or so passed my father bowed slightly, leaning in with what I assumed would be words of wisdom and said, "your grandmother was a lot smaller than I remember."

I had to fight just not to bust out laughing in a room full of mourners.

I was told to cross post this here from an askreddit thread yesterday

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2014
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My grandfather’s last wish was that we scatter his remains in the sea.

Everyone at the beach started freaking out though, because we didn’t cremate him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
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Dad Joked in Dragon Age

My character and his companions are walking around a dwarven ruin when a conversation occurs between two of them that goes something like this:

"You hadn't written me since the day that explosion happened! If you had died in that I would've come and dug up your corpse just to kick your ass."

The NPC in question says "what would you have done if I had been cremated?"

"I would have kicked your ash"

No groans from the other NPCs occurred but mine was certainly audible from my room.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cooley327
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2015
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Did my living will today..

I was doing my living will today and when I went over where it specifies my cremation I suddenly had the brightest idea of adding the following:

> .. On the jar for my ashes, please engrave the following: "Hi, I'm sorry if I look a bit ashen today..".

I wonder..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smalaki
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2014
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My Dad's Gay Coworker

While myself and my family were watching The Walking Dead, my Dad asked us this question:

Dad: Speaking of dead people, did I ever tell you about my Gary coworker's boyfriend's last wish?

Me: No, what is it?

Dad: He said that he wants to be cremated and have his ashes sprinkled over his boyfriend's chili.

Me: ...wat?

Dad: Yeah, he wanted one last rip through his asshole towards the end!

Yeah, I laughed. And I'm not ashamed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wtfdizzy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2014
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I was fired from my job when I asked a customer if they wanted "smoking" or "non-smoking".

Apparently the correct terms are "cremation" or "burial".

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RCubed111
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
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