You know why the call them Menstrual cramps?

Because when a woman gets β€˜em, all the men know it’s time to take a stroll.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jasonbice15
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2018
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Why was the fungi so cramped?

It didn't have mushroom.

Edit: mushroomed to mushroom because I'm an idiot

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πŸ‘€︎ u/swimmer17101
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
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What do you get after playing a lute for 10 hours straight?

Minstrel cramps.

Edit: (I'm sorry. Feminine hygiene jokes are the lowest form of humor. Period.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MookieV
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
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While on international business travel, I had Ihop in Iran.

Should've waited to digest before the exercise, the cramps were a bitch.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rpark888
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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Dadjoke from memory

Allow me to regale you with a couple tales illustrating my late dad's sense of humor. Last names faked because I'm not that stupid.

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(1). At a routine PTA meeting about me in my Georgia school, everyone found themselves packed into a hot and stuffy room waiting for the boredom to end. Shoulder to shoulder fun, can you picture it?

My dad lets one rip. It's loud, smelly, and echoes. The room falls silent as the fart invites itself unfavorably to the nostrils of those in attendance.

He turns to my mom and with his best shocked face says, "... Patty!"

I like to think he slept on the couch that night.

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(2). During my old man's wait for us to arrive at the new home he had bought, he had to deal with ongoing construction and roughed it at a hotel for a few nights. He was a retired Master Chief Machinist's Mate, so cramped quarters reminded him of the sub's nuclear engine room. No biggie.

An interview comes up for a civilian nuclear power plant nearby, and before you know it my dad's sitting before these stuffy, serious, wrinkly old board members and managers, having his (mostly military) resume picked through.

"Well Mister Smith, we're impressed. Twenty two years is no small amount of time to dedicate to the service. But do you feel you're qualified to operate and audit a civilian fission power plant?"

My dad thinks on it for a second.

"Well no, sir, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night."

He got the job immediately.

(For those needing the reference)

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Thanks for caring to read. I miss him a lot and this subreddit always reminds me of his sense of dry, quick humor. Take care!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Morvick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2013
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I just found this subreddit, here's a couple of my favorites from dear ole' dad. I can only hope to be a blip of his greatness when I'm his age.

How do you kill a blue elephant?

  • With a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a white elephant?

  • Choke him till he turns blue, then use a blue elephant gun.

Did you know elephants paint their toenails to hide in bags of skittles? No? Have you ever seen an elephant in a bag of skittles? NO? WELL I GUESS IT WORKS!

All the guys in highschool band would call me a girl whenever my stomach would hurt after playing an instrument too long.

  • Why'd it hurt your stomach? Minstrel Cramps.

I brought a girl over once and her name is Jessica. My father has a pretty severe case of tinnitus where he hears about 5-6 different tones at any given time. She announced her name and he thought it was Melissa for a few minutes. Eventually she corrected him.

He stared at her blankly for a moment and then asked, "Why'd you change your name Melissa? I think Melissa is a much nicer name."

Goddamnitdadwhyyoudothistome.

These are only a few. I practice very hard every day with my friends to become as punny and corny as a father should be with jokes. Someday I'll make him proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CptSmackThat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2013
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Just dadjoked my girlfriend

She was asking me all of these relationship questions for the heck of it and I hadn't been answering any of them. Well one of them was, "in a nutshell, how do you view yourself?"

I knee this was my chance and took it

I looked up and replied, "Cramped."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FenderPicker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2014
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Dad got my sister who went LARPing over the weekend

My sister went to a LARP over the weekend as a bard and brought her ukulele. My dad had this to say when she got back

"You know, you better be careful running around the woods with your ukulele. You could get minstrel cramps."

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2014
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It's the little things.

My mom, my dad, and I started our journey across the US together in a Uhaul today. My mom likes to freak out. While in traffic, this happened.

Mom: Oh my god, why are we stopping?

Dad: Just a little bit of congestion.

Me: cough

Dad: Very good.

Me: Thanks.

Moments like these make a 26 hour drive cramped in a Uhaul together worth it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wait_No_Stop
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2014
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