My religious mother asked me if the movie we were going to see had either (A) sex or (B) violence in it

"It's sin A, Ma”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wawoodworth
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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What's your favorite B movie?

For me, it's this one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coffeechipmunk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2016
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Star Wars Puns

From movie puns we provide you the funniest collection of Star Wars puns

What do you call 5 siths piled on top of a lightsaber? A Sith-Kabob!


Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns? So it doesn’t Hang Solow!


Why shouldn’t you ask Yoda for money? Because he’s always a little short


What program do Jedi use to view PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi


What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi


What do you call the website Chewbacca started that gives out Empire secrets? Wookieeleaks


What do you call a Jedi in denial? Obi-Wan Cannot Be


Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing? At the Darth Maul


Greg: Which Star Wars character travels around the world? Craig: Who? Greg: Globi-wan Kenobi!


Matthew: What does a Star Destroyer wear to a wedding? Daniel: What? Matthew: Bow ties, of course!


Deen Why was the droid angry? Mark: Why? Deen People kept pushing its buttons.


Luke: Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road? Lei Not sure. Luke: To get to the Dark Side.


Darth Vader: I know what you’re getting for Christmas. Luke: How do you know? Darth Vader: I can feel your presents.


What do Whipids say when they kiss? Ouch.


What is a jedi’s favorite toy? A yo-yoda


What do you call a pirate droid? Argh2-D2


Where does Jabba the Hutt eat? Pizza Hutt


What is Jabba the Hutt’s middle name? β€œThe” Why is Han Solo a loner? Because he’s solo.


What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi What do you call a Sith who won’t fight? A Sithy.


What time is it when Darth Vader steps on your chronometer? Time to get a new chronometer.


What do you call a pirate droid? Arrrrgh-2-D2


Which side of a wookie has the most hair? The outside.


Where does Jabba eat dinner? Pizza Hutt


Who do Jedi call to help open PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi


What do you call someone that tries to be a Jedi? Obi-Wannabe


What do you call a bounty hunter from Alabama? Bubba Fett


What time is it when Jabba the Hutt sits on your blaster? Time to get a new blaster! Why is Luke


Skywalker always invited on picnics? He always has the forks with him.


Which imperial officer hated Thanksgiving? Grand Moff Turkeyn


What do you call stormtroopers playing Monopoly? Game of Clones


Why did

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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My wife asked me, β€œWhy don’t you treat me like you did when we were first dating!?”

So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents’ house...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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YOU KNOW YOU’RE A DAD WHEN…

β€’ you suddenly know all the words to every Eagles song.

β€’ you get up early on a Saturday morning to make sure you’ll be tired enough for a couch nap that afternoon.

β€’ you change your car’s oil exactly every 2,000 miles.

β€’ mowing the lawn is no longer a chore, but a privilege.

β€’ you can actually tell old John Wayne movies apart.

β€’ your idea of fun is aimlessly wandering around the home improvement section of any store.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daviscojokes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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Turned on the US News and didn't realize...

That there was a new Gerard Butler movie: "Capitol Hill has Fallen"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SliceOfLife37
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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I need a pun about chips for a Christmas gift

So my brother is super hard to buy for because my mom buys him EVERYTHING, literally. This kid has every toy, game console, video game, movie, funko pop, t-shirt, etc to ever exist. My sister and I decided to buy him chips for Christmas. I got jalapeno cheddar cheetos, a few snack bags of spicy chips, and a can of pringles. I'm going to wrap them individually and put them in a stocking. I would like to add a card with a pun or joke about chips to at least make this (admittedly low effort) gift funny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tazzles26
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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A man goes into a pet store to buy a puppy to keep his horses company in their stable.

"What's the best breed for horses like those you'd see in the old west movies," he asks the owner, "my mares are just like that." The owner thinks for a minute, then replies "Dachshund."

The man is surprised, and replies "are you sure about that? I was picturing something bigger that wouldn't get trampled on." The owner nods, and says "Yup, it's just like the movies - if you want your horses to behave, you get a long little doggie."

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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To those of you who have seen Tenet

Do you agree it’s the best movie you will ever see in rewind?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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I finally went to talk to the super cute girl who works in the Egyptian super market.

Her: What can I do for you?

Me: I'm looking for a date.

Her: Oh, what kind of dates?

Me: Uhmm, just dinner and a movie :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gliscor_dude
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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I met a woman once at a party celebrating my father's 50th birthday.

We got to talking and I found out she worked as a stunt double on some pretty big name movie sets. She looked to be at least 10 years my senior but very fit and attractive and we both seemed to really be hitting it off.

Because all the immediate family in the local area had thrown a smaller, more private celebration for my father a few days prior, I didn't really feel a need to stick around any longer, so I asked the woman if she was interested in sharing some drinks with me at the nearby Hilton where I was staying. She happily accepted.

Suddenly, I turned towards the sound of my father's voice cheerfully calling out the name "Andra" (pronounced ON-druh) and my own as he approached. Andra, the woman I had been speaking with, turned towards him, glanced quickly back at me, then looked back again at my father and with a disconcerted look on her face exclaimed, "Oh brother!"

And that's when I realized the double, Aunt Andra.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/A__Wild__Goose
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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I never really liked DC films...

But how did I miss 1983 wonderwoman movies?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImaginaryEphatant
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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Nolan!

Christopher Nolan's new and highly anticipated movie will be released on December 15 in blu-ray. Finally I can watch the movie at Tenet-p.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saddam78610
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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the puppy test

Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.

Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.

  1. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
  2. Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees...poo poos, quickly please
  3. Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find, obviously not your dogs as you have not bought it yet ??
  4. Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially during muddy times
  5. Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor
  6. Carry sticks and branches indoors and chop them up on your carpet
  7. Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor....walk barefooted over it in the dark
  8. Drop some chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning and then try to clean it in the evening
  9. Wear socks to which you have made holes using a blender
  10. Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door
  11. Cover all your best clothes with dog hair, dark clothes with blond hairs and light clothes with dark hairs
  12. Tip all just ironed clothes on the floor
  13. Make little pin holes in all your furniture, especially chair and table legs
  14. When doing dishes, splash water all over the place and don't wipe it.
  15. Spread toilet paper all over the house when you leave the house and tidy up when you get back home
  16. Forget any impulse holidays and/or breaks
  17. Always go straight home after work or school
  18. Go for walks no matter what the weather, and inspect every dirty paper, chewing gum and dead fly you might find
  19. Stand at your back door at five in the morning shouting, "Bring Mr Bumble and Mr Lion in, its raining.”
  20. Wake up at 3am. Place a correct size bag of flour on top of yourself and try to sleep, whilst wiping your face with a dishcloth, which you have left next to your bed in a bowl last week.
    Repeat everyday over 6 months and if you still think getting a puppy sounds like a good idea, Congratulations, you might be ready for your kids to get your puppy.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/specklesinc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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Every time I ask my son what a new phrase means, he tells me to google it.

Kids these days have a lot of slang for a killer clown movie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/J3fbr0nd0
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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The key to a great Thanksgiving dinner is...

The tur-KEY.

Also, the key to a fun visit to the zoo is the mon-key.

And the key to a great science fiction movies is a Woo-key.

To ensure the maximum amount of eye-rolls, casually drop these into the conversation several minutes apart.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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I might be dating myself by admitting this...

but since the 80s, I've only gone to the movies alone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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Request for help remembering a joke

Hello,

I am requesting help with remembering a joke. Posts of this type did not seem to be against the subreddit's rules, but if I am in error, please let me know and delete my post.

Anyway, here is what I remember of the joke:

It is movie themed and it says something like this: "There should be a post-apocalyptic zombie movie with a romantic comedy element. Then we would have the world's first rom-com-zom-dom-bomb." The only thing is that I forget what the "dom" was supposed to mean and whether or not there is more to this joke, either in the set-up or the punchline. I googled it to no avail. Any help is appreciated.

Thank you

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ontoforever
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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You may not like Minecraft now...

But when the movie comes out, I assure you, it’s gonna be a blockbuster.

Credit: u/Iziahzay

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vrn-722
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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What do rappers say when they finish recording?

That's a movie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/leif_hans
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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I went to the diabetes screening

It's just a movie about sugar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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I watched a film about a goverment loan. There was a lot of action.

It was a bond movie

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hornyonion
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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Popcorn

I don't like movie theater butter popcorn...it leaves a film in my mouth

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gregorjeff
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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I'm a big fan of Eminem...

Especially his movie "12.9 Kilometer"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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Finding Nemo was good but seriously talking animals?!

The premise, the movie, Nemo, it was a little fishy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/baldricks_plan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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My wife stood up and said, β€œIt’s over”, and started walking out on me. I just sat there.

I love watching the end credits of a movie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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A classic joke

Sean Connery, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger are discussing making a movie about great composers.

Sean Connery says β€œOnly if I get to be Mozart”

Stallone says β€œThen I’ll be Beethoven β€œ

Arnold says β€œI’ll be Bach”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tbtbjmt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
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If a movie company filmed a sandwich.

If a movie company was filming a sandwich but instead of using bread they used a tortilla. Would they call it a wrap and not get any filming done at all?

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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Many people have heard of Post Malone. But how many of you have heard of Ho Malone?

Probably quite a few - it's a Christmas movie starring Macaulay Culkin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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What movies are rated 3.1416 stars?

Pirated movies

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abhilashmurthy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
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So no shit here I am

This just happened to me lmao. I'm here with my wife and 5 y/o daughter about to sit down and eat.

Daughter: what movie are we going to watch. (We mentioned maybe watching one earlier) Me: it's this new cartoon movie called nunya

Literally 1 second later Daughter: nunya business.... Me: DDAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGG

What an awesome feeling lol

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πŸ‘€︎ u/haagimus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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I'm putting an addition on my roof.

It's a little room where I can sit and watch movies like The Godfather and Apocalypse Now.
It's a Francis Ford Cupola.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheREALProfPyro
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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My grandfather is still mad at the Japanese for Pearl Harbor.

I explained to him that it was the Americans who made the movie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Disney collection...

Except for the movie Up. He's never gonna give you Up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic?

About halfway!

Note: Shamelessly stolen from the Muppet Movie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blisspoint2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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What happens when a lion roars 3 times?

Movie starts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/louisarmstrong880
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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My wife and I met at the store when we were both buying a copy of the Disney movie β€œup”

It was the perfect meet cute and we kept both copies even after getting married. It was sweet. Not all things are meant to last and when things got a bit rocky we decided to get divorced. I let her keep the apartment and moved my stuff out. Unfortunately, we live in one of those states that mail out ballots. She sent me a text a week after I had left to let me know my ballot had come to the apartment. We had ended things amicably, but neither of us wanted to see each other so soon. Committed to my civic duty, I dropped by after work the next day. When she opened the door she was in tears. She had me come in and I immediately saw it, I had forgotten to take my copy of the movie. Somehow, this felt more final than actually signing the divorce papers. I still cared about her, so I asked if she wanted to talk at all. She shook her head and said through tears, β€œJust take your Up, vote and go.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Silent--Soliloquy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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My wife said I should put the mask on if I'm leaving the house - and so I always do.

But my dog has to be so sick of that stupid movie by now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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Groundhog Day

Not completely sure this is a dadjoke but it sure got the same reaction. This happened about two years ago.

My wife used to work nights and on Friday and Saturday after she went to work, my then-12yo son and I would often watch a movie together. Sometimes he picked, usually it was a movie from The List, movies I liked when I was his age, things that shaped my sense of humor. I want him to be able to recognize the stupid quotes and references I throw at him. It’s his cultural education.

So we settled in for Groundhog Day. I’m a sucker for time travel shenanigans. Finished it up, he enjoyed it, and the next morning he was off to Boy Scout camp for a week.

He came back, we’re all excited to see him, and I tell him I got Groundhog Day 2 from Netflix. Threw it in the DVD player and we got about 20 minutes into before he looked at me and said β€œthis is just Groundhog Day all over again, isn’t it? There is no Groundhog Day 2.”

So worth an extra week hanging onto the disc.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shellexyz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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A man buys a lie detector robot

That slaps people who lie, and be decides to try it out on his son during dinner.

β€œWhere were you during school hours?” He asks.

β€œAt school!” His son replies.

The robot slaps the boy.

β€œOk I was at my friends house....” His son says.

β€œWhat were you doing there?

β€œReading comics!”

The robot slaps the son again.

β€œOk ok!! We were watching an erotic movie...”

β€œWhat?? I didn’t even know erotic movies existed when I was your age!” The dad exclaims.

The robot quickly slaps him.

His wife laughs and says, β€œWow, he really IS your son-β€œ

The robot slaps the wife.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
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Europe = You’re up

I was listening to music with my dad recently and we were taking turns playing songs. I played the song β€œtime has come” by the band Europe, from the hot rod soundtrack (Hilarious movie btw). I pointed to my phone and said β€œEurope!”. My dad yelled β€œI’m up? Alright!” And started looking for the next song to play. I was like β€œNo! EUROPE” and he was like β€œI KNOW, IM UP” and proceeded to play the next song. Afterward he said he was just fucking with me. A true dad moment. Thought you guys might appreciate.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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My wife asked me, β€œWhy don’t you treat me like you did when we were first dating!?”

So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents’ house...

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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My wife said to me: ''Why don't you treat me like you did when we were first dating?''

So I took her out to dinner, to a movie, then I dropped her off at her parents' place.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
🚨︎ report

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