Tab (drink) Puns

Can't drink

(spent a while designing that one. Really proud of it)

He had a Tab.

Well, how else are supposed to pay for their drinks?

Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.

When the tab came they pooled their money to pay.

The Duck had a bill

The Frog had a greenback.

The deer had a buck.

The Skunk had a scent.

Then the giraffe said,"Don't worry boys, the High Balls are on me."

While standing at the register of a New Orleans Hamburger & Seafood Co, the lady taking our order asked what we would like to drink. My girlfriend responds "I want some barq's!" To which I promptly replied, "woof, woof, WOOF!" 0 laughs or smiles and I could feel the air around me thicken with dad joke cringe. Fuck it, I loved it.

So a horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks if he wants a beer. The horse goes "neigh." So the bartender kicks him out for wasting space, and on top of it, horsing around. 30 minutes later, a donkey comes in, orders the most expensive drink and a round for the house. When it comes time to pay the tab, the donkey says, "oh, by the way, you kicked out my husband, a horse, earlier," then walks out without paying. The bartender was upset, but knew he'd serve the occasional horse's ass.

Me: checks restaurant tab "So you can get two $6 drinks, but when I get a $2 soda you complain?"

Dad: "It's all relative. When I'm paying for myself it's fine. But when I pay for my relatives it's not."

Dad sees someone drinking a can of soda pop. He points to the tab on the top and says, "ever seen one of those used as a duck call?"

Invariably they'll say "no."

He'll pull the top off, slightly bend it several times, each time blowing a practice puff through it, and then put it to his mouth and yell....

...."HERRRRRRRE DUCKY DUCKY DUCKY!!!!!"

I was drinking in an Irish pub on St. Patrick's Day a few years ago when the building suffered a malfunction. The register cover of the air conditioning vent was not secured to the wall and worked its way loose, hitting me and a friend. I ended up with a cut on my forehead, a spiffy blue bandaid from the kitchen first aid kit, and a comped bar tab.

My dad told me I should have duct.