Me - "Whats a pirates favorite letter of tha alphabet?"

Friend - " Rrrrr "

Me - " aye ye think that but it be the C "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Geoharp
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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Why da fuck did tha lion eat tha tightrope walker? He wanted er well-balanced meal!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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[Metal] I steel think tha tin most of these posts, the comments lead straight into puns. I'm not a big fan, it seems like a copper out.

But thi silvery from one post to the next.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bilbowtech
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2015
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The COVID19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.

They fear that the social distancing measures could push people over the edge.

πŸ‘︎ 20k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sur5er
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
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What's the only country where it rains sheep?

Baaah-rain

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hadronwulf
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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What did the elephant ask the naked man?

How do you breathe out of that thing?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/h_cordeiro8
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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I asked my son what was in his cup he was drinking from

He said, "Soy milk!"

I responded, "Hola milk, soy es tu padre!"

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hxnhxn24
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
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What a crappie mug
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AsymmetricPanda
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
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Why did Snoop Dogg bring his umbrella outside?

Fo drizzle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jebnasty
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
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Queen Elizabeth visited an Edinburgh hospital recently...

She enters a ward full of patients, and notices that they’re all dressed in street clothes and have no obvious sign of injury or illness. The Queen approaches a patient and greets him. The patient replies:

β€œMy heart’s in the Highlands, my heart is not here, My heart’s in the Highlands, a-chasing the deer.”

The Queen is confused, but smiles and moves on to greet the next patient. The patient responds:

β€œSome hae meat an’ canna eat, And some wad eat tha’ want it, But we hae meat an’ we can eat, so let the Lord be thankit.”

Even more confused, and smiling even more broadly, the Queen moves on to the next patient who immediately begins to chant:

β€œMy love is like a red, red rose that’s newly sprung in June; My love is like the melody that’s sweetly played in tune.”

Now very confused, the Queen turns to the accompanying doctor and asks, β€œIs this a psychiatric ward?”

β€œNo, Your Majesty,” replies the doctor. β€œThis is the serious Burns unit.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatboyfat1981
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
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Playing with my food

Today, Eat24 proposed to me after I punned at them. This may be the best customer service interaction I've ever seen.

https://storify.com/backtobeatrice/taking-out-the-take-out

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sciencesherpa
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2014
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What's a Pirate's Favorite Letter?

Me: Arrrrrrr! Dad: Naw, it's tha C" we really love.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Polabeya
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2016
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Was watching Mulan with the family. During the draft scene, the emperor's assistant guy calls out a family name.

Assistant guy: "Tha Chu family" My dad: "Did he sneeze or something?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnToiletPaper
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2016
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