Symphonic black metal Puns

Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.

They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.

I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.

She just really needed a shoulder to crayon

..it's an oxidant waiting to happen.

Black eyed peas can sing us a song and chickpeas can only hummus one.

I am easily lead.

The one with the lowest μ

A lead singer.

But not so for iron which is ironic

Imma Be

A Zebra

Because Batman always protects goth-ham

With a super conductor.

That was before they met Chuck Norris.

Because heavy metals are toxic.

(I -22f- have created this joke when i was 15, I was waiting for an opportunity to disgust people with it. So here you go reddit lol)

His doc said not to worry, it was just an optical contusion.

The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says “I don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “whatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says “there’s no charge.” Shocked she replies “no really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” “Honestly ma’am”, the mortician says, “it costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”

It was steel to come.

Guess they got the wrong organ donor.

Because it was a spy-der

One is o-cation-al and the other is quiet off tin.

You might say he japanned his china.

Sleigh-er.

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

Edit: Thank you for the awards.

I was expecting this to go noticed like most of my other posts. You peeps rock!

I replied, "He's a real Chad."

I'm just ex-static.

A Wokemon.

The difference is like night and day.

A djently

Fo drizzle

I don't know son, but your ma might.

Stolen from: Dad Jokes

My friend turned to me and quipped, "Oh oh! Here comes treble!"

I've always been a heavy sleeper.

Because Batman is sworn to protect Goth Ham

We're called "Gluten for Punishment."

Our first single is "Bread or Alive."

The doctors think I might have Corvid.

You sheet metal.

I'm sure that must have been a record

They're alloy-gic!

Interracial porn is great

Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.

A Zebra.

But chick peas can only hummus one.

but the chickpeas can only hummus one.

the Chick Peas can only humm us one!