What does a Wizard use to sweeten his tea?

Caster sugar.

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📅︎ Dec 04 2018
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I heard that sweetened milk and egg yolks are getting a divorce

Apparently they're mixed up in a custardy battle

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📅︎ Jan 30 2021
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This low calorie sweetener makes my coffee very Splendad
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👤︎ u/ATMiceli
📅︎ May 12 2020
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My friend injects his marijuana plants with sugar water as they grow, they sells bags of it for much higher prices...

He's trying to sweeten the pot.

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📅︎ Dec 05 2020
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Hey have you heard about Steven Tyler's new line of sweetened mayonnaise?

No? Well maybe you've heard the jingle "Sweet Emulsion."

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👤︎ u/FancySkunk
📅︎ Apr 25 2017
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What do you call a tea, sweetened with honey, and sugar?

Diabe-teas.

👍︎ 9
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👤︎ u/ApexDovah
📅︎ Dec 06 2016
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My Dad is Gossip Girls

So my dad is usually really quiet and "submissive" right? Like he doesn't do a lot of loud things except find the distance the chicken had to travel to cross the road in a bad dad joke.

Anyway, whenever one of us(a 6 people family) comments about something in a small group of 1-3 people, he's always got all the information. He just... knows. For example(this happened like 10 minutes ago): Me: "Wow, this tea is pretty sweet today." Mom: "well, did you sweeten it?" Me: "I d-" My dad shakes his head. Dad: "No, the person who made the tea added double the amount of sugar you previously added to the jug." Mom: "Who?" And then he points to the bedroom before I can tell my mom who made my glass of tea.

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📅︎ Feb 20 2019
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My dad was somehow prepared to drop this once in a lifetime line...

The circumstances for this joke were so specific I don't think it will ever be repeated.

Yesterday morning I stopped by my parent's house and my mom had just made coffee. She buys "raw unfiltered honey" from a local farmers market to sweeten the coffee. First she handed my dad his cup, then she was about to put a spoonful of honey in mine when she stopped and said "there's something in this honey!"

I looked at it and it was literally a bee's hairy little leg. I looked in the jar and found one more. I said "its no big deal, im sure its fine", then I picked out the legs. Just then my dad takes a big sip and makes an "Ahhh" sound like he's satisfied. He then holds up the cup and smiles at us like he's in a 1950's Folgers commercial and says "This coffee is the BEE'S KNEES!"

It was epic.

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📅︎ Feb 26 2014
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dad joked my girlfriend while we were cuddling

I asked if she wanted me to whisper sweet nothings to her so i leaned in and say,

"Artificial sweeteners"

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📅︎ Apr 10 2014
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My Dad and iced tea

My dad doesn't like coffee all that much and drinks a lot of iced tea, something I inherited from him. Anytime we're in a restaurant, and he orders an iced tea, the waiter or waitress always asks, "Sweetened or unsweetened?" To which my Dad replies, "Unsweetened, I'm sweet enough already."

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👤︎ u/Brain13
📅︎ Aug 08 2013
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Dad Jokes never go away(grand-dad joke)

Starting way back when I was just a little kid, spending time with my grandparents in Illinois.

Drinking ice tea with lunch. We always had a little bottle of sweetener on the table for the tea.

Me: "Grandpa, will you pass the sweetener?" Grandpa: "Oh just have your grandmother put her finger in there, she's sweet enough. "

Both dad and grandpa would bust up laughing.

I would giggle until the millionth time hearing it. But i love my grandpa.

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📅︎ Oct 19 2013
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