If anyone has a suggestion on how to reverse the spell that turned me into corn...

...I’m all ears.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cognimaniac
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
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πŸ˜‚the accuracy...πŸ’₯
πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kimcyrus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
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My wife suggested we should try some role reversal in bed....

So, I had the headache.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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Got this idea from the bilingual keyboard emoji suggestions...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/marissapies
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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In college, we had a buddy who always gave us suggestions as to what booze or drugs to try.

He was the original trip advisor.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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I suggested a new name for the planet Saturn to an astrophysicist and he seemed to like it

He said it had a nice ring to it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ButterApple512
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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So, if anyone can suggest a city, I'd be grateful.
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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I asked my wife suggestions for an exercise routine, and she said, β€œWhy don’t you try lunges?”

I said, β€œThat...sounds like a big step.”

πŸ‘︎ 181
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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There was a debate suggesting the environment isn’t that important after all.

It was pretty anti-climatic

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Karrathan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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Pun name help?

Hey! I'm currently writing a novel. And I'm liking for a pun name based on a word that would suggest them not being real. Please don't give me the actual name. Please give me a word I can work with

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
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My sister asked me to keep my nephew from playing games on his tablet all night. I suggested he builds a fort with his cousin.

He instantly replied, β€œbut mom said I couldn’t play Fort Night”

(He’s gonna be a great dad some day)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cbt711
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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Suggest to post here, I HAVANT an idea how well it will do
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/morgan_bulb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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Why do vultures never check their bags on an airline?

They prefer carrion

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rahcled
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Since this is a β€œNana” tree (common name for Juniperus Procumens Green Mountain Juniper bonsai), it was suggested I have a β€œba”. Therefore, since the stock ticker for Boeing is BA, I bought a toy 787. That means there is now a β€œbanana” on the counter.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaceyGayGuy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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Instead of medicine, my hippie girlfriend cured her hemorrhoid using only the "power of positive suggestion."

"I shit you knot."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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Had too many drinks at the pub last night, so the lads suggested I leave the car there and take the bus home.

Turns out I was in no fit state to drive it home either.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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Wife asked for popcorn. She was not amused.
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Shaken
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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I wouldn't suggest wearing them swimming though
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lams1d
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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Netflix is suggesting a cool documentary about Prague...

...I'll Czech it out

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pwrd
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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Had a really tough day today. I figured you would appreciate that my wife suggested I peruse r/dad jokes while she drew me a relaxing bath.

I asked her if it was going to be full color or just a sketch.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theknight618
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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Industry insiders suggest glass coffins will become very popular.

Remains to be seen.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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Two melons decide they want to get married. One suggests they do it in Vegas...

The other says "I'm sorry my mother always said, 'You cantaloupe.'"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sopwith_Snipe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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A friend suggested I added herbs to my soup.

Sage advice.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datolite7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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Ok, this is a mom joke...

My stay-at-home wife came in earlier and asked what I wanted for dinner. "I don't know... You pick, you're cooking it after all."

A few minutes later she comes in with a frying pan. "Here ya go!"

It was a piece of paper. With the words "I don't know" written on both sides.

proof

... Smartass, lol.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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My daughter asked where her toy Cryolophosaurus might be. I suggested...

"Maybe the Mesozoic Era?"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xRVAx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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Taking suggestions now.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
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What’s the difference between suggestive phrases and stalking?

One is innuendo the other is inyourwindow

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jcbrnld
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
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Any punny name suggestions for a board game cafe?
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
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Three women were on the run from the law (A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead).

Their car breaks down next to a corn field and they decide to run through it as the law is quickly approaching. They stumble upon a barn. Inside they find three burlap sacks and one of them suggests they should each hide inside one. Shortly after, the sherriff and his deputies arrive at the barn. They notice the three sacks. The sheriff kicks the first one containing the brunette and she says "Meow, meow." "Oh it's just a sack of kittens." One of the deputies says. The sherriff kicks the sack where the redhead is hiding and she says "woof, woof." "That's just a sack of puppies" they say. The sherriff kicks the third sack with the blonde inside and she exclaims "Potato, potato."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmd1234
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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A great suggestion keeps the kelp rolling!
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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One of my friends recently told me he’s bored and looking for a fun new hobby. I suggested getting involved in political protesting.

It really is a riot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cashmag3001
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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I suggested to my wife that we make some Indian bread for a group dinner appetizer.

It was a total naan starter.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/penultimate_polka
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I matched with a Zoe on Tinder and I need a good pun, any suggestions?
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GumAndRoses195
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Wife got me with a jungle themed joke (Long-ish)

So we’ve got this FisherPrice Projector Mobile thing that projects a rotating imaging onto the ceiling. (Very nice little thing, highly suggest for babies)

Anyways... We’ve got it set up in the living room and Wife, Son, and I are laying on the ground in the dark watching it go round and round. It’s Jungle Themed, so a lion, elephant giraffe, tiger, a few monkeys, and so on...

We’re pointing out the different animals to Son and he’s repeating a few words here and there... When he starts waving and saying β€œHi” as a new animal rotates in.

So Wife goes, β€œHere comes the Lion. Can you say Hi to the Lion?”

And Son waves and says β€œHi!” and giggles.

Wife: β€œAnd there’s an Elephant! Can you Hi to the Elephant?”

Son: β€œHi... toots”

Wife: β€œYes! Toots! And here’s the next animal. Can you wave to the tiger?”

Son: β€œHi!”

Wife: β€œThat’s the β€˜Hi of the Tiger’”

Me: β€œ... πŸ’€ πŸ’€ πŸ’€β€

Wife: β€œYou love me... Look Son! A Zebra!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Desdomen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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I need a suggestion of a good medical sitcom to binge on Netflix....

But I don’t want no Scrubs

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrypticPragmatist
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Just a quick Thank you!

I've been sharing the Dad Jokes from here that pop up in my suggestion line. My Dad and I work together, so we're both off for the School break. Half the time he rolls his eyes and the other half he chuckles. So, thank you, Dad Jokers, for making my Dad chuckle in whatever this strange year has been!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beauknits
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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Need Theme Park related puns

Myself and a friend are making a mini action film on GTA V. When I edit it, I’m planning on involving some voiceover but I need a pun for the final kill on the rollercoaster. Any suggestions ?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StickyWeeee9068
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the circus fire?

It was intents

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xtilexx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Escape

A blonde, brunette and a red head escape from prison. While running across a field they hear the guards coming and being tired, the red head suggested hiding in some potato sacks they found.

When the guards reached the sacks one kicked the bag containing the red head, she went meow meow. "Just a sack of kittens" said the guard. Then he kicked the brunettes bag, she went woof woof. "Just a bag of puppies". Lastly he kicked the blondes bag and she went potato potato.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/syhendrickson
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I suggested to the national park service we release clay pigeons back into the wild.

That idea was immediately shot down

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
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Suggestion 1: Handel with care.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Friend suggested I post to this subreddit, my response...
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/calvinwashere2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
If anyone has a suggestion on how to reverse the spell that turned me into corn...

...I’m all ears.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cognimaniac
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
🚨︎ report
I asked my wife for suggestions for a new exercise routine, and she said, β€œWhy don’t you try lunges?”

I said, β€œI don’t know. That seems ....like a big step.”

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my wife, β€œ I’m thinking of starting an exercise routine. What do you suggest?”

Her: Why don’t you try lunges?

Me: That sounds like a huge step.

πŸ‘︎ 183
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report

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