He said "in life, some things aren't taut."
Well, toucan play at that game.
Marijuana-ted pork
Without missing a beat he asks "Daddy, do you know how much room you need to grow Fungi like that?"
I did not know.
So he tells me "as Mushroom as possible!"
So proud.
She was pretty mad when I only picked seven up
Attire
#Feeling Desserted
Boss: Is your car with the mechanic?
Me: Car?
Curiosity killed the cat :(
I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
The official cause of death was, "Exposure to the Elements".
Someone posted it about a weak back.
K9P
The librarian whispers "They're right behind you."
She said how do you know he was headed to work?
Next, I got one on my thoracic that said "4"
Then, I got one on my lumbar that said "3"
After that, I got one on my Sacrum that said 2"
And now, I'm getting one on my Coccyx that says "1"
It's the spinal countdown.
so I had to ground him.
He's doing better currently.
And conducting himself properly.
Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.
If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.
Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???
Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.
Thank you,
A Dad.
He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."
"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."
So they did.
Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.
And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.
A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I guess I suffer from premature ejokeulation
More precisely, a Finnish Hymn.
They fell down anyway. What a waist of time.
the vaccum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years...
Aye matey!
.. but it had a very bad reaction.
We are currently filming the pilot
You just say to your family member - "Did you hear someone in the family is part owl?"
They'll reply with "who?" And you look at them with a raised eyebrow.
Tell this joke over dinner if youd like to be the life of the party. You're welcome.
Each has a cigarette, but nothing to light it with.
So one man throws his cigarette into the water, and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
Ass skin for a friend
A grave mistake.
Now I am really holding it together.
I gave her a shoulder to crayon.
G : what type of apples grow on trees ?
my dumbass : idk red and green ?
G : all of them do
wheezes
Attire.
Well, I don't give a duck!
