Storyteller Puns

I specialize in surprise endings.

These two were told by my grandfather a thousand times:

A man goes to a pizzeria and orders a small pizza. The waiter asks him: "Do you want that cut in six slices or eight?". The man replies "Six. I couldn't eat eight."

Some Indians were bored sitting around a campfire. One Indian speaks up. "Chief, tell us a story." So the chief begins: "Some Indians were bored sitting around a campfire..." [repeat until murdered by joke victims]

I'm not a good storyteller so I'm sorry if the cadence is bad.

As a kid, I always used to yell "Have" (pronounced HAY-ve, like "glaive") at my dog if it was doing something bad. It was a shortened thing I picked up from my mom.

Anyways, I dad-joked a lady pretty good as she was walking by the house one day, after my dog ran out the gate and started jumping up trying to lick her face. She was laughing as I kept yelling, "Haveee! Haaaave!!" and said, "Is that your dog's name? Haive?"

To which I said, "No, but I want her to beHave."

...That was a good day.

I'm a shit storyteller, so I'll just keep it short.

My uncle caught my brother in a very obvious lie, and he decided to have a little bit of fun; He told my brother his horns would grow every time he'd lie (like pinocchio's nose). The best part? Later, my dad saw my brother looking in the mirror, checking for horns.

My dad said: "I'm glad you're liking history, but don't go into it for a living. I hear the field has no future."

(It was funny, I swear. I'm just a bad storyteller.)

Fiancée: You just love telling stories don't you? You're such a storyteller. I bet if you found a piece of string laying on the ground you'd tell me a story about that too.

Me: You're right, if I found a string on the ground I'd probably spin quite the yarn.