I payed my $2 and the guy says “Once upon a time there was this lobster.”
The private said, "That's a tall order, sir."
He's a terrible plumber, but he really cracks me up.
They were attached to the same woman.
It’s a little ironic.
I guess that makes me lacktoes intolerant.
He nuts and bolts.
Dad: I’m checking my balance.
Because if it didn't it would fall over.
But then I got married and we bought a second night stand.
Thots and prayers
It was a fun-gal infection
I guess laughter isn’t the best medicine.
'Cause the corner is 90 degrees.
I always see Himalayan there.
Nobody has given me a straight answer
He got home he reached up for the door knob and opened the door, crawled upstairs and into his bed with his wife. His wife in the morning said “Why were you out all night?” He said “How did you find out?”
She said “The bar called. They said you left your wheelchair again”.
Couldn't they just get taller ballerinas?
So, the next morning I raced out and bought another one for the other side of the bed.
It will be called FroYo Information.
Their legs have to be pretty beefy to do that
He nuts and bolts!
Edit: wow! My first Silver. You guys are amazing.
I guess tri, tri again is the way.
He scored a home run every single at bat, and always the exact same way. Way over right field, too high for anyone to reach, and it always landed in exactly the 17th row of the stands, give or take a couple feet.
He earned the nickname “the machine” for how consistently he hit the exact same spot every time. Right field, 17th row, every single time. He did this for 20 years before he retired. Tickets to the 2-3 seats that the ball always landed on sold for over $2k a pop by the time he retired because you were guaranteed at least a couple home run balls.
And the day he retired a reporter asked him “How does it feel to be retiring as the greatest hitter of all time?”
Hugh just looked at the reporter puzzled. “What do you mean?” He said.
The reporter clarified “literally over 5,000 times you went to the plate and hit a home run to right field, 17th row of the stands!”
Hugh looked dejected and disappointed “yeah, my greatest failure...”
“What do you mean?” Said the reporter incredulously.
Hugh let’s out a long sigh, and looked down at the ground quietly for a moment before finally speaking.
“I’ve been aiming left this whole time”
But I’m a big fan.
It was two-tired
"Put the horses in the back." I hate the song but it made me laugh
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
Matter of fact, make it 2. I need one for each lamp.
Funnely enough
That concludes the mike check
And said “make me one with everything”
-Robin Williams.
So far no one has given me a straight answer
It’s 90 degrees there
It's always about 90 degrees
So far I haven't gotten a straight answer
"It was two tired."
He built another one.
So the next morning, I rushed out and bought another one for the other side of the bed.
Because they are two tired.
They're usually two tired
It was two tired.
It’s two tired
