A cop stopped me and demanded i get out of the car. "You're staggering" he said.

"Well thank you. You're not so bad yourself."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the bar, but a 45 minute walk from the bar to my house...

The difference is staggering

πŸ‘︎ 20k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wcslater
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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A staggeringly good joke
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arbitrary_Bastion
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
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I'll tell you what's staggering

That the joke about the 5 minute walk to the pub can be posted NINE TIMES IN FOUR DAYS.

Why can't people just search the sub and check if something has been posted recently before posting? It's not difficult!

I know the sub doesn't have a specific rule about reposts, and the occasional repost allows people who missed a joke the first time to see it again, but this joke has moved into the realm of spam.

Please, admins, take action against this lazy, karma-whoring abuse of this sub.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eastawat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
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Truly staggering.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lufi_lou
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
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It's easy to tell the difference between sober and drunk pedestrians.

The difference is staggering.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SayLittleDoMuch
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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I had a job as a taste tester in a distillery....

... but I found the work staggering.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/youtellmebob
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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More than math and physics can answer
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlurEyes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
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The sheer number of drunk people walking away from bars every night must be staggering
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thoawaydatrash
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2017
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So I was talking to my friend yesterday about their recent accident

They told me that recently they had come into ownership of a small ball of string. At first, they thought nothing of it. One day, they walked into their house and the ball of string was on the table, when they had specifically left it in a closet. They put it away again, but the next day when they came home from work, the ball was on the table again. It kept happening, and eventually it became a sort of game for my friend. They'd leave it somewhere they thought it could never come back from, and return to find it on their table.

Then it began to appear in other places.

It appeared in the middle of a company meeting. One moment, the table was empty, the next, it had a ball of string in the middle. While driving, they spotted it in the back of their car. They saw it inside of a vending machine. But at the end of every day it would return to their table.

Eventually, my friend decided enough was enough. They took the string, and threw it off a bridge into a river. As they were driving home, a car swerved and hit them, wrecking both cars. My friend staggered to check on the other driver, and all he found was a small pile of soggy string on the seat.

After that, he never saw the string again.

So after he told me this tale, I turned to him, and said, "Wow... that was quite a yarn."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justcaleb2001
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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It takes 10 minutes to walk to the bar, and an hour to walk home.

The difference is staggering.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dohpaz42
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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Drunk Dad

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to the counter, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-eeeeet!" Again, the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!" Finally, the guy interrupts. "Go home, dad, you're drunk.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kalajasavakuy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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Got my new name
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rocketshoe21
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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A Government think tank have carried out a survey looking into how people walk home from the pub...

The results are staggering.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
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It takes me 5 mins to walk from home to the pub, but then somehow it takes me 30 mins to get home

the difference is staggering

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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
We went to a wedding and my drunk wife asked me what I thought of her dancing.

I said, β€œYou are just staggering.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
🚨︎ report
A horse trotted into a bar.

"I must have forgotten that Trump set the bar so low" he mumbled as he picked himself up and staggered into the bar and grill next to it. Upon seeing him, the bartender said, "hey!" The horse said, "neigh... but I'll take one for the road." The asphalt in the corner said, "thanks horse. Why the big pause?" The horse replied, "oh this is my friend the bear. He was born with big pas." "Yeah," said the bear. "I was adopted by two grizzly fathers. Turns out they weren't koala-fied to give birth to me." "Ugh," said the chicken after seeing how late it is. "I'm late to get to the other side of the road. See ya all later!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
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What do you call a drunk dinosaur?

A Stagger-saurus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beardedshagger
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2017
🚨︎ report
I walked up to the cashier with my new waistcoat, jacket and trousers.

He said, "That will be Β£725."

"What!" I replied, staggering back. "Do you intend to pocket the remaining Β£724.97?"

The cashier was baffled. "I don't understand, sir."

"The assistant over there told me it was a 3p suit," I replied.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
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An optimist and a pessimist...

An optimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and thinks it’s an exit.

A pessimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and assumes it is an onrushing train.

The train conductor sees two stupid guys staggering on train tracks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2016
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Instant message conversation with coworkers

In chat with my project manager:

PM: Yeah, here's a beneficial time for us to be stagged
Me: indeed
PM: That should read staggered, though
Me: we are on the horns of a dilemma
Me: oh deer, that was a lame pun
Me: i should just buck the trend of bad humor
Me: doe! i did it again
PM: ...

Then I pasted the above conversation to another coworker:

Coworker: ha well plaid
Coworker: i meant played
Me: it really was a clash of the tartans
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kziv
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2015
🚨︎ report
On the other side of the fence, next to my dentist's office, is the courtyard of a mental hospital...

After my appointment, I was walking back to my car when I heard some of the patients on the other side of the fence chanting, "Thirteen...Thirteen..."

I spotted a knothole in the fence, so I bent over to take a look at what was going on.

No sooner had I put my eye up to the knothole when one of them poked me in the eye!

I staggered back, cursing and rubbing my eye, when I heard them chanting, "Fourteen...Fourteen..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/howardkinsd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2016
🚨︎ report
It’s a five minute walk from my house to the bar. It’s a 35 minute walk from the bar to my house. The difference is staggering.
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rotimi_babalola
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
It’s a five minute walk from my house to the pub, but a thirty-five minute walk from the pub to my house.

The difference is staggering.

πŸ‘︎ 126
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sisrael81
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
It's a 5 minute walk to the bar, but a 35 minute walk home.

The difference is staggering.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cultjake
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
It's a 5 minute walk from my house to a pub...

And its a 45 minute walk from the pub to my house. The difference is staggering.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wB68
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s a five minute walk from my house to the pub. It’s a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house.

The difference is staggering

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JSC_SLP
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
It takes me 10 minutes to walk to the bar, but an hour to walk home.

The difference is staggering.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jojothejewman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
The bar is within walking distance...

It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the bar...
And a 45 minute walk from the bar to my house...

The difference is staggering!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BelgianRoo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
its a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub and a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house

The difference is staggering

πŸ‘︎ 300
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HaydenJA3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
It's a five minute walk from my house to the pub. It's a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house.

The difference is staggering.

πŸ‘︎ 94
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChristopherLove
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Its a 5 minute walk from my home to the pub

It's a 35 minute walk from the pub to my home.

The difference is staggering.

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Conviction666
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
The number of people who are injured each year while walking drunk

is just staggering.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmyspr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s a 5 Minute walk from my house to the pub. It’s a 35 Minute walk from the pub to my house.

The difference is staggering.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/t3chnophile
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
It takes me 10 mins to walk to the pub but an hour to walk back.

The difference is staggering.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BenisbacK_1900
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
It takes 5 minutes for me to walk to the pub and 35 minutes to walk back

The difference is staggering

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/redditreader164
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
It’s a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub. It’s a 20 minute walk from the pub to my house.

The difference is staggering.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/C4Mx3R0N
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
It takes me 5 minutes to walk to the pub, but 25 minutes to walk back...

...the difference is staggering!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/runeglifberg
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
It's a five minute walk from my house to the pub.

It's a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house.

The difference is staggering.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ENJOYblet
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
A five minute walk from my house to the pub turns into a 35 minute walk back...

The difference is Staggering.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TvV1ST3D
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
It's a 10 minute walk from my house to the bar but a 45 minute walk from the bar to my house

The difference is staggering.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub. It's a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house.

The difference is staggering.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EdwinDaPenguin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
At a friend’s wedding, my drunk girlfriend came up to me and asked what I thought of her dancing.

I said, β€œIt’s quite staggering.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report

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