Three legged dog hobbles into a saloon. Looks around and says...

β€œAlright, who shot my paw!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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My pregnant wife hobbled into the hospital with one hand on her back...

A nurse asked her what's wrong, and my wife screamed, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Didn't!"

The nurse shook her head and said, "I'm sorry…I don't understand."

My wife's face contorted in pain as she shouted, "Can't! Won't! Don't!"

The nurse, bewildered, turned the doctor.

"Admit her," the doctor said. "She's having contractions."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
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Sideshow Bob could never get a job at Moe's Tavern

Because of his many past failures with Bart-ending.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2017
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What do you call a goblin with a limp?


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πŸ‘€︎ u/Unthgod
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
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[x-post /r/Jokes] [OC] An old blacksmith was working in his shop...

when there was a terrible accident. The fire in his forge had gone out of control and set fire to the shop. The blacksmith nearly lost his life. He was bedridden for many months and relied on the help of his children and grandchildren to feed him, bathe him, and take care of all of his needs. Eventually he was able to get back on his feet, though his outlook on life had turned quite grim. He was now able to take care of himself, but he had lost much of his strength and dexterity from the injuries he sustained and he was unable to practice his trade. He fell into a deep depression and he spent most of his days sitting at home in front of the fireplace gazing into the flames, longing for the days when his strong hands could grasp a hammer and strike a hot piece of iron, slowly forging it into a beautiful piece of work.

One evening when the old man was sitting in front of the fire, he heard a knock at the door. It was his granddaughter, whom he hadn't seen in many months. She had overheard her father talking to her mother about how her grandfather was slowly slipping away into depression and hopelessness and she wanted to help. To the old man's surprise, she had brought him a puppy. "I thought that since you're always here all by yourself that you might want someone you keep you company," the granddaughter said. The old man's eyes welled up with tears and the little puppy instantly jumped into his arms and began licking the tears from his face. The old man and his granddaughter spent the next several hours sitting on the floor of his house watching the puppy chase around a rubber ball, bouncing, jumping, panting, and licking. In that short time, the old man had made complete turnaround from being sad, lonely, and hopeless, to smiling from ear to ear, full of joy with his new-found companion. As the hours grew late and the puppy grew tired, the granddaughter said "Well Opa, I'm glad you like your puppy, but it's late and I should be heading home. By the way, what are you going to call him?" "Life," said the old man, "because he has given me a new meaning and joy to mine." The granddaughter kissed her grandfather on the cheek, wished him goodnight, and she left.

Many years passed and all the while, the old man and his little dog were inseparable. Everywhere the old man went, Life was always with him whether it was the post office, the grocery store, and even when the old man went to the barber shop, the little dog would sit patiently until the last hair on

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyOtherAccount_3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2016
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I should make a comic strip about a child with a crippled imaginary friend

I would call it Calvin and Hobbles

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SenorSaltino
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2015
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What sound does a turkey make if its leg is hurt?

Hobble hobble hobble!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/hellslave
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2016
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Foot Injury

Think I got plantar fascitis while playing basketball, so I had to call up the orthopaedic doctor to set up an appointment.

Nurse: "You can just go to our Walk-In Clinic if you want to be seen today."

Me: "Walk-In Clinic? Isn't it more of a Hobble-In Clinic?"

Nurse: "..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/natebrennan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2016
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My dad dad-joked the receptionist at the walk-in clinic

My mum sprained her ankle and my dad drove her to the nearby walk-in clinic.

Upon entering, with my mum hobbling along on her uninjured foot alongside him, he said to the receptionist "Walk-in? What about the hop-in?"

She looked at him with confusion.

Waste of excellent humour.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/alecksphillips
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2014
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