I just squeezed the shampoo bottle a little too hard

Head and Shoulders on my knees and toes, knees and toes

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👤︎ u/allanon101
📅︎ Mar 12 2020
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Family group chat asking my Dad about the giant bottle of Mustard he bought

A pump? No, I just refill a smaller squeeze bottle to fit in the fridge.. but I relish all the comments you guys made. - Bryan (59)

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📅︎ Mar 18 2020
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Do you know why some people bang on the side of the ketchup bottle while others bang on the bottom of the ketchup bottle?

Me: No. Why?

Him: To get the ketchup out.

Told to me by my grandfather-in-law as I was banging on the side of the ketchup bottle.

👍︎ 2k
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📅︎ Dec 13 2015
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The Old Ketchup Bottle

The family is all gathered around the table eating dinner when my dad grabs the nearly empty ketchup bottle for his fries. I knew it was coming. We all knew it was coming, but there really was nothing that could be done. As he squeezes the bottles, the final remnants of ketchup and trapped air escape the container sounding like the worse flatulence you have ever heard.

He then turns to my mother and says, "Those beans are getting to me fast tonight!"

Uncontrollable laughter ensued.

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👤︎ u/nwilso9
📅︎ Dec 07 2013
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