Someone from Southern France sent me an MS Word file with 200 pages.
What do you call a southern terrorist?
What is the most popular boat in the southern US?
What do you call a gold prospector in the Southern Hemisphere?
I’ve heard southern comfort is nice,
Because normal comfort just tastes like fabric softener!
Did you hear about the tornado in southern USA that was swallowing everything in its path?
It was called the VoreTex-as.
In honor of my father for Father’s Day, I’m going to tack you back to the 1990’s. This is rural southern America please read in southern accent.
Me: Daddy I’m thirsty!
My dad: Hi thirsty I’m Fridy lets go Saturdy and get a Sundy.
I’m sure it’s not original but it makes me laugh to think of how I was making my dad insane asking for a DRIIINNNKKK and he would always come back with this.
My daughter insists she is becoming a Southern Belle.
I told her she is my favorite ding-dong.
I once hiked to a lake with the states of Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and New York on its western, southern, and eastern shores. Not a bird was singing and the lake was still...
There are reports that, because of the covid outbreak, Rick Astley is hoarding copies of a 2009 Pixar film, and all albums by a southern metal band from New Orleans. He is not allowing anyone to borrow them. It's also said that Mr. Astley is refusing to go out and purchase cake for others.
To summarize:
He's never gonna give you Up
Never gonna lend you Down
Never gonna run around, and dessert you.
What’s a dog’s favorite southern state?
What do you call a southern Pennsylvania resident who won’t pay for his local food specialty
Southern (US) dadjoke: Better brush ya teeth afore ya wind up with summer teeth!
Daughter: What are summer teeth?
Me: Well. Summer there. But some ain't.
A new study is showing surprising advances in primate evolution: Dr. Thomas Ink, a researcher in southern Africa has found certain groups of apes 'brewing' alcohol by leaving old fruit to stand in water pools then drinking from it and becoming inebriated.
Dr. Ink has dubbed these 'Monkey Bars'.
Were going to see alot of this once hurricane Dorian hits southern Florida. And maybe some Axeidental puns that were felled in there.
What happens when the smog lifts over Southern California?
A southern gentleman shows up for his vasectomy wearing a tuxedo
The doctor asks "why are you dressed like that?"
"If I'm going to be impotent, I want to look impotent."
If Southern California is called SoCal, why don’t we call Northern California...
How does a southern florist exclaim his disbelief?
Texan came to visit my farm in Southern Illinois and asked me how many acres I had.
I said "about 500".
Texan said: "I can get in my truck and drive all day and never get off my property!"
I said:"yeah, I had a truck like that."
Who is Barack' s southern uncle?
What would the Southern American say if he saw the birth of Jesus?
My southern friend has loud dogs, I found it funny when he said..
The people in Southern France must be worried about theft.
People in Southern France live their lives on the edge...
As if they had nothing Toulouse.
Why aren't Southern Rail employees getting advent calendars this Christmas?
Cause they can't decide who's responsible for opening the doors.
A former president threw a southern rock party.
Everyone was like ”Sweet home, Obama”
There we were, driving through a small southern town with my mom and she says, “Maple, elm, cedar, all these streets are named after trees. I wonder why.”
Then there’s me over here, “I guess tree names were poplar. “
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
Drove past a sign on the freeway that said, "Southern California Institute for the Deaf"...
...I heard that was a great school."
My wife groaned the rest of the drive to her parents house. Also, I'm not a dad but I think I'm ready.
What do you call a southern lumberjack?
What do you wear to a formal southern dinner?
What did the southern farmer say when he caught a deer with no eyes?
Southern math, from my dad
There was a boy who was the first in his family to go down
the mountain to high school.
After the first day, his pappy asked him what he learned.
B - Well, pa, there's this subject called mathematics.
D - OK, say something in mathematics for me.
B - Pi r square!
D - You won't be going back to high school no more.
Everybody knows pie are round. Cobbler are square.
Not really a 'joke' per se, but my dad's take on 'Let It Snow', from Southern California
So my dad sent this to everyone in his office. I groaned a couple of times and thought it'd fit in well here.
Oh, the weather outside is crazy
Like a film from Martin Scorsese
The rain will fall and the wind will blow
El niño, el niño, el niño
It doesn’t show signs of stopping
My shirt and pants are sopping
Oh, where did that umbrella go
El niño, el niño, el niño
Weather patterns don’t seem right
Southern Cal is all a storm
The marine layer and all of its might
All because the Pacific is warm
The fear of fire is now subsiding
our thoughts turn to mudsliding
Down the hillside our houses flow
El niño, el niño, el niño
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins with "Once upon a time..." A Southern fairytale begins with"Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit!"
Last week in Warsaw the government asked its people how they felt about an expedition to stick large metal rods in the northern and southern ends of the globe.
it was the Poll of Poles on the pole poles.
We haven't had any snow in southern Ontario. In response, my dad made this.
http://imgur.com/EQWhBcx
The text says:
For Sale
2nd hand snowman
My sister told me a southern dad joke...
What do you you call a deer with no eye?
No idea'r
They were talking about baseball on sports radio when, for some reason, they mentioned an event Anakin Skywalker was attending in southern California...
... He went to the San Diego Pod Race.
Must be my southern raising
Whadya call the wife of a hippy?
Mrs. Hippy
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