I said "no, I'm more of a Skittles guy."
"No I'm talking about the rapper."
"Why would I want to eat the wrapper?" I asked.
They got 2 Large Cokes, a Large Popcorn, and a box of Skittles.
talking to the Amazon echo
Me: Alexia play eminem
Son: Alexa stop! Daddy tell it to play skittles
Me: Do you mean skrillex?
Son: No skittles
Me: Buddy I don't know of a band called that
Son: Then why is there a band called Eminem???
How do you kill a blue elephant?
- With a blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a white elephant?
- Choke him till he turns blue, then use a blue elephant gun.
Did you know elephants paint their toenails to hide in bags of skittles? No? Have you ever seen an elephant in a bag of skittles? NO? WELL I GUESS IT WORKS!
All the guys in highschool band would call me a girl whenever my stomach would hurt after playing an instrument too long.
- Why'd it hurt your stomach? Minstrel Cramps.
I brought a girl over once and her name is Jessica. My father has a pretty severe case of tinnitus where he hears about 5-6 different tones at any given time. She announced her name and he thought it was Melissa for a few minutes. Eventually she corrected him.
He stared at her blankly for a moment and then asked, "Why'd you change your name Melissa? I think Melissa is a much nicer name."
Goddamnitdadwhyyoudothistome.
These are only a few. I practice very hard every day with my friends to become as punny and corny as a father should be with jokes. Someday I'll make him proud.
