Her: I’m leaving. I am sick of you wearing a different t shirt every half an hour.

Me: Wait. I can change.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don’t ant colonies ever get sick?

.... because they’re full of anty bodies

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Finneagan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife just broke up with me. She's sick and tired of my constant Zodiac puns.

It Taurus apart. I'm in Pisces typing this.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Sick of everyone’s swiney comments about my ring
πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FermentToBee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days

I said it must be my weekend immune system

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LuxCassandra
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I think my dad's getting sick of the Bernie memes. He also did not appreciate my response.
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jd246246
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the skeleton do when he got sick?

He was coffin! πŸ€£πŸ’€βš°οΈ

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EddieVR4ever
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don’t ants get sick?

Because they have little anty-bodies.

Edit: THANK YOU!! Kind stranger whoever you are out there, for the silver!! Just trying to keep the kids facepalming and the wives eye rolling. You guys are awesome!

πŸ‘︎ 236
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BelleskaTROn-
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
[At dinner] Her: I think we need to break up. For starters, I’m sick of your awful jokes at the worst times.

Me: Ok, and for the main course?

πŸ‘︎ 227
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row, and now I feel a little sick.

It must be the high Mercury content.

πŸ‘︎ 315
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm sick
πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Un_FaZed211
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know that ants never get sick?

It's because they have little Anty Bodies

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PS4Dreams
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
As an immune deficient person, anti vaxxers make me sick
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lt_Matthew
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Asked my friends if they could drink 5 litres of fuel and not be sick. Turned out.....

Jerry can.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Guy's doctor tells him he's sick. He says "I want a second opinion."

Doc says "Okay, you're ugly too."

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dirty_boris
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear Santa got really sick from going down the chimney?

Yeah, they think he caught the flue.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do vampires seem sick?

They’re always coffin.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WadeOfTroy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Where in Europe are you most likely to get sick?

GERM-any

πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pikindaguy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
When he found out I was sick, my friend messaged me, hoping that I will quickly find a deep hole in a ground full of water.

I'm happy he wished me to get well soon.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sodrohu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I’m sick of having great little ideas all the time, I think I have...

Notion sickness

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/levainletlive
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
The vet told me my parrot was sick...

...he has chirpes.

'What's that?'

'It's a cararial disease... and, by the way, it's untweetable.'

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dmatlack1023
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
What antibiotic does a sick Italian take?

Penne-cillin.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bunion_ring
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a sick bird from Mars?

An ill Eagle alien

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What does Kanye West wear when he is sick?

Sneezys

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Candystormm
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Boyfriend is sick of my shit lol
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ellaAir
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
"Daddy, is my pony sick?"

"No sweetie, She's just a little horse."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
In a field with lots of sheep and lambs roaming around, a giant wolf appeared and swallowed whole a baby lamb. The lamb whined and yelped nonstop for hours on end. After a while the wolf started getting sick, and yet the lamb yelped and whined ever louder.

Finally the wolf died and the baby lamb walked out of the wolf and rejoined it’s momma in the flock of sheep. Turns out the wolf died of internal bleating.

All credit goes to my coworker.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/robertmmoore143
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
The boat is sick

We gotta take it to the dock.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cosmotheseptic
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
How Did Louis Pasteur Know You Can Get Sick From Germs in the Mississippi?

He was a scholar of bayou chemistry.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/adhoc42
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Where does a horse go when it gets sick ?

A horse-pital.

Ha. Ha. Just kidding....They get shot.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What island in Thailand has the most sick people?

Koh Vinineteen

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aderkaperk1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do Peek A Boos go when they get sick?

They go to the ICU.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I got sick at this small hotel in Madrid.

I got sick at this small hotel in Madrid. I called the front desk and they told me they had a doctor on staff. After he made me feel better, I told him I was amazed that such a small place had a doctor. He nodded and said "NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INN PHYSICIAN!!!!

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mementh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don't cows get sick?

They have a good immooon system

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My horse is sick with COVID.

But don’t worry, he’s in stable condition.

πŸ‘︎ 74
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My 4y olds temp is a bit high this morning so I told her she was as sick as a dog we have to take her to the vet.

She was a bit scared a very confused until we showed up at grandmas house as usual. Happy Veterans Day to my mom and those who served ! and thanks to all of you that are AD | NAD | TRS | TAMP for your service.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/coloredboyadvance
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend said she's going to call out sick today

I said, " that's not going to work."

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/doogidie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Who can drink 10 litres of petrol and not get sick?

Jerry can

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/reggin121
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My boss said, β€œI find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays.”

I said, β€œIt must be my weekend immune system.”

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don’t ants get sick

Because they have Ant-ibodies

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/whydatduck66
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Boss: I find it highly suspicious that you are sick only on weekdays.

Me: It must be my weakened immune system.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don't ants get sick

Because they have little antibodies

πŸ‘︎ 189
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/manukitten2144
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My boss asked why I only get sick on work days

I said it must be my weekend immune system

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/weiderman316
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I get sick on work days only

Because I have a weekend immune system

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadow__987
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a sick eagle?

illegal

πŸ‘︎ 72
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Morcana4life
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the vampire seem sick?

He was always coffin

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MangoAway17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row, and now I feel a little sick.

Must be the high Mercury content.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
🚨︎ report
For some reason I always get sick during holidays.

I must have a weekend immune system...

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GAZUAG
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report

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