What's the secret of the Queen's long life?
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︎ Apr 09 2021
The queen liked my girlfriend so much, she immediately made her an honorary member of the royal family...
She was really empressed!
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︎ Apr 24 2021
I feel like the stress of the pandemic has really aged me...
...I look at least a year older.
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︎ Apr 28 2021
Thousand and thousands of years ago, during the last ice age, there lived an animal that excelled at trigonometry, geometry, and could recite Pi to 100 decimal places. It was known simply as.....
.....the mammothematician.
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︎ Apr 25 2021
Ever heard of a montana sex stone?
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︎ May 03 2021
Season 2 of the Queenβs Gambit will have Beth Harmon move to Prague.
The chess playing main character wants a Czech mate
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︎ Apr 10 2021
Roses are red the queen wears a crown
Never gonna give up never gonna let you down
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︎ May 09 2021
I have started carrying a piece of stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.
Itβs my jingle bell rock.
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︎ Oct 17 2020
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because itβs a Noble Gas!
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︎ Apr 19 2021
Why does it take sailors ages to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C
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︎ May 02 2021
What do you call it when someone bellow the age of 18 has a problem
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︎ Dec 29 2020
At the age of 65, my Grandma started walking 5 miles a day.
She's 92 now. We have no idea where she is.
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︎ Dec 15 2020
I made this She's got of lumps and bumps but I'm overall happy she's finnished kings, queens, and non-binary beans I present to you, my Les-bee-ian ππβ€οΈπ§‘π€π
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︎ Mar 21 2021
If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, all the other guests are supposed to pretend as if nothing happened.
Noble gases have no reaction.
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︎ Jan 10 2021
What kind of stone isn't an opal?
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︎ Mar 20 2021
The wife looked concerned when my son showed an interest in electricals at the age of 5.
He asked about the neutral wire.
I said "don't worry, its just a phase."
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︎ Dec 22 2020
It has been scientifically proven that girls reach the age of puberty earlier than boys. Girls develop boobies around the age of thirteen...
...and boys develop them around the age of fortyβ¦
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︎ Dec 26 2020
Whatβs the oldest age someone could get a circumcision?
I just want to know the cutoff date.
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︎ Oct 16 2020
The Queen Mary & The Queen Elizabeth 2
Since you guys like one liners, I thought youβd live two liners.
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︎ Apr 19 2021
The Queen is immortal, it's not a joke
Coz a pawn would just go to the end of Britain and respawn as the Queen!
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︎ Apr 12 2021
The CEO of IKEA has been elected Prime Minister of Sweden.
He's currently assembling his cabinet.
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︎ May 02 2021
What do you call teenagers who pee in their pants at the age of 14?
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︎ Nov 29 2020
What did the Queen Bee say to the worker bees who were fighting?
She asked them to bee-hive
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︎ Mar 29 2021
Barry Allen likes to listen to The Rolling Stones when he workouts
His favorite is βjumpinβ jack flashβ
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︎ Mar 09 2021
When REM met The Queen, she held up a stamped envelope and then said...
"That's me in the corner."
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︎ Feb 19 2021
If Hermes was the messenger god, the he sure was lucky not to have met the god of pain and old age...
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︎ Dec 24 2020
True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
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︎ Apr 14 2021
I havent read a book in ages. So i decided to start with a book of how clocks work.
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︎ Jan 08 2021
How do you determine the mass of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
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︎ Apr 25 2021
In a beehive, after the queen bee gives birth to the little baby bees, which bees are responsible for feeding the babies?
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︎ Mar 20 2021
They found bones of a homisapien who lived before the ice age. Some say he was the first hipster...
since he lived on the earth before it was cool.
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︎ Dec 07 2020
the very peak of my existence about 6 months ago today
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︎ Apr 14 2021
What did the man say to the Queen when she had allergies?
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︎ Mar 09 2021
The cast of βFriendsβ got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened.
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︎ Apr 13 2021
Apparently until the age of 10 ,
Sean Connery's son thought Humpty Dumpty, shat on the wall
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︎ Nov 27 2020
The doctor today told me I had kidney stones.
It really rocked my world.
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︎ Dec 15 2020
The most important part of a mail pun, is the delivery.
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︎ Apr 20 2021
What kind of bird doesnβt know the words to their own song?
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︎ Apr 30 2021
Me to my teen age daughter in the grocery store while I hold a melon.
βYou cantaloupe! Your too youngβ
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︎ Mar 10 2021
This one went by cold with the rest of the chat. Stone-cold.
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︎ Jul 27 2020
Ive been reading this book called βThe A to Z of Northern Europeβ, but itβs taking me ages...
Not sure Iβll ever get to the Finish
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︎ Nov 06 2020
Out of all the inventions of the Bronze Age...
The shovel has to be the most groundbreaking of all
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︎ Oct 25 2020
What did the queen say when a fellow threw some cheese at her?
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︎ Feb 20 2021
One of my daughters wants to marry the mailman...
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︎ May 12 2021
If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.
Noble gases have no reaction.
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︎ Mar 24 2021
It has been scientifically proven that girls reach the age of puberty earlier than boysβ¦
Girls develop tits around the age of thirteen, boys develop them around the age of fortyβ¦
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︎ Dec 14 2020
What's the oldest age someone could get a circumcision ?
I just need to know the cut-off date.
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︎ Feb 26 2021
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