What's the secret of the Queen's long life?
The queen liked my girlfriend so much, she immediately made her an honorary member of the royal family...
She was really empressed!
I feel like the stress of the pandemic has really aged me...
...I look at least a year older.
Thousand and thousands of years ago, during the last ice age, there lived an animal that excelled at trigonometry, geometry, and could recite Pi to 100 decimal places. It was known simply as.....
.....the mammothematician.
Ever heard of a montana sex stone?
Season 2 of the Queen’s Gambit will have Beth Harmon move to Prague.
The chess playing main character wants a Czech mate
Roses are red the queen wears a crown
Never gonna give up never gonna let you down
I have started carrying a piece of stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.
It’s my jingle bell rock.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Why does it take sailors ages to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C
What do you call it when someone bellow the age of 18 has a problem
At the age of 65, my Grandma started walking 5 miles a day.
She's 92 now. We have no idea where she is.
I made this She's got of lumps and bumps but I'm overall happy she's finnished kings, queens, and non-binary beans I present to you, my Les-bee-ian 😂🐝❤️🧡🤍💗
If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, all the other guests are supposed to pretend as if nothing happened.
Noble gases have no reaction.
What kind of stone isn't an opal?
The wife looked concerned when my son showed an interest in electricals at the age of 5.
He asked about the neutral wire.
I said "don't worry, its just a phase."
It has been scientifically proven that girls reach the age of puberty earlier than boys. Girls develop boobies around the age of thirteen...
...and boys develop them around the age of forty…
What’s the oldest age someone could get a circumcision?
I just want to know the cutoff date.
The Queen Mary & The Queen Elizabeth 2
Since you guys like one liners, I thought you’d live two liners.
The Queen is immortal, it's not a joke
Coz a pawn would just go to the end of Britain and respawn as the Queen!
The CEO of IKEA has been elected Prime Minister of Sweden.
He's currently assembling his cabinet.
What do you call teenagers who pee in their pants at the age of 14?
What did the Queen Bee say to the worker bees who were fighting?
She asked them to bee-hive
Barry Allen likes to listen to The Rolling Stones when he workouts
His favorite is “jumpin’ jack flash”
If Hermes was the messenger god, the he sure was lucky not to have met the god of pain and old age...
I havent read a book in ages. So i decided to start with a book of how clocks work.
When REM met The Queen, she held up a stamped envelope and then said...
"That's me in the corner."
True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
They found bones of a homisapien who lived before the ice age. Some say he was the first hipster...
since he lived on the earth before it was cool.
In a beehive, after the queen bee gives birth to the little baby bees, which bees are responsible for feeding the babies?
How do you determine the mass of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
the very peak of my existence about 6 months ago today
What did the man say to the Queen when she had allergies?
The cast of “Friends” got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened.
Apparently until the age of 10 ,
Sean Connery's son thought Humpty Dumpty, shat on the wall
The doctor today told me I had kidney stones.
It really rocked my world.
The most important part of a mail pun, is the delivery.
What kind of bird doesn’t know the words to their own song?
Me to my teen age daughter in the grocery store while I hold a melon.
“You cantaloupe! Your too young”
This one went by cold with the rest of the chat. Stone-cold.
Ive been reading this book called “The A to Z of Northern Europe”, but it’s taking me ages...
Not sure I’ll ever get to the Finish
Out of all the inventions of the Bronze Age...
The shovel has to be the most groundbreaking of all
A modern man tries to take a women from the Stone Age on a date.
She wanted to go see a rock and roll concert but since he was cheap he took her for granite.
What did the queen say when a fellow threw some cheese at her?
If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.
Noble gases have no reaction.
It has been scientifically proven that girls reach the age of puberty earlier than boys…
Girls develop tits around the age of thirteen, boys develop them around the age of forty…
What's the oldest age someone could get a circumcision ?
I just need to know the cut-off date.
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