What do you call a shepard that's always cutting costs?

A sheep-skate.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
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Sheep kept complaining to the Shepard over and over and over until the Shepard says...

I herd you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kylejay915
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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A man confronts a Shepard who is rumored to have sex with his sheep.

The Shepard replies: Fuck what you heard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedLilSleepy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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It’s quite common for German Shepards to develop hip issuesβ€”much to their dysplasia.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nsblues
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
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I had a Shepard's pie for lunch today.

He wasn't too happy about it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rgisosceles
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2018
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What did the rapper say to the shepard?

β€œYa herd???”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Macauley_Sulkin
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
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People ask if I know any Shepard Jokes...

I've herd a few

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vanilly-Gilf
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2018
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What’s the fastest way to Shepard’s Bush?

Up a Shepard’s leg...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Darth_Rathalos
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2018
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What does the Shepard say to his apprentice when the sheep are being too loud?

SHUT THE FLOCK UP!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElGuapo82
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2016
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Driving past Alan Shepard's childhood house when Dad strikes.

Mom: I wonder what it would be like to live in Alan Shepard's house. Dad: I hear the family that lives there is really spacey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theREALmcmuffen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2015
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What was Jesus' favorite food?

Shepard's Pie

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-tonyravioli-
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
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This espionage agent was so terrible at his job, they sent him to raise sheep instead

He was a shepard's pie

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
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My daughter and I spotted a new dog at the dogpark...

"What kind is it?" she asked.

"A Dutch Shepard", the owner replied...

"Obviously", I replied. "You can see the Two Lips..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EngineerBill
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2017
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End of the day jokes.

A coworker of mine has said the same joke around 5 times atthe end of the day.

what did the shepard say to the other sheperd? Get flock out of here.

I responded with what did the soup tell the spoon? Get the fork out of here.

So i am asking you guys for similar jokes to say at the end of the day. Those two jokes over two weeks now have become boring.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mezcao
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2016
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My wife is gonna make a great dad someday.

So my wife and I are house/petsitting for some friends of ours. They have two cats, and a ten month old German Shepard. Being ten months old, the puppy is still a little rowdy. Tonite, after we took him for a walk, we let him kind of hang out in the house.

He still wanted to play, and jammed his elephant toy in my wife's face as she sat on the couch crocheting. She pulled back and he jammed it into her chest, then released and bit down to get a better grip on the toy.

In doing so he just clipped my wife's ahem nipple. She immediately pushed the dog away and grabbed the affected area. I stood up to help, somehow, and asked her if she was okay.

She looked me straight in the eye and said "Yeah, it's just a little nip." I couldn't be more proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alfrohawk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2014
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Pity there are only a few Sheep cards in Magic the Gathering...

I could have made a Commander Shepard deck.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SunBorne187
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2017
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