I met a beautiful cactus today, so I told it, " you're looking sharp today ".
" I'm just a cactus " , it said. " You have a point there ", I replied.
I am waiting to recover from injuries caused by a small sharp tool:
My son didn't like sharp stones on the seafloor at the beach
I can’t win arguments against sharp knives
They’ve always got the best points
A sharp mind has placed this here
As an orchestra conductor, I could tell when the entire violin section missed the key with no sharps or flats...
I cant handle how sharp this is.
When early man discovered that they could use sharp stones for hunting, it was a big deal.
It was cutting edge technology
That's some sharp wit right there.
I got an interview and told them I was proficient in C and C-sharp.
Turns out that wasn't good enough to be a pianist
Why can’t a reed knife be too sharp?
Because that’s not natural
An audience member asked me how I made the brisk sharp cracking sound with my hand.
I told her it was a snap.
My friend didn’t get why the top of the fence was so sharp
I said to him, “That’s the point”
My daughter pointed at a spear and said “daddy look it’s sharp”
I replied with “that’s the point”
What do you call a sharp dot who points out directions for blind people
A pointy point who has no point in pointing
You are on a horse galloping at a constant speed. On your right side, is a sharp drop off and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse, but your horse is unable to overtake it.
Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Get off the merry-go-round!
On the dad joke scale, I got my first ever eye-roll and sharp exhale WITH a walk out of the room from my wife!
Me: Today was an awful day at work
Wife: Are you serious? Tell me about it
Me: I’m not Sirius, I’m your husband. And Itt was a short, hirsute creature who looked short of like a haystack with sunglasses; he was Gomez’s cousin and spoke in high pitched gibberish all the time. Now if we could get back to my day...
What’s the difference between a sharp dressed fellow on a bicycle, and a poorly dressed one on a tricycle?
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a sharp dressed man on a unicycle?
Made a shirt out of thumb tacks because I wanted to look sharp...
But everyone said it was tacky.
Why do Italians like sharp angles?
Why do little, sharp sticks got depression?
I am busy wrting a sharp joke , I just need to reword it
A sharp pencil said to the eraser "people sharpen pencils so they can use them a long time."
The eraser replied "you have a point."
-As told to me by seven-year-old Gibson M. L.
Now that I'm getting older, I'm not as sharp all the time as I used to be.
But since I'm a professional musician, my colleagues all seem to appreciate it.
I was shopping the other day and some really sharp clothes caught my eye.
Friend told me I was sharp!
My friend tells me "There's not enough scissors here"
I say "Is the amount of scissors here not cutting it?"
What do you call a Filipina with something sharp in her eye?
What do you call a sharp, Native American, ghost?
Why does Hitler love sharps and flats?
Because he only wants to play music that's not c.
They say his vision was very sharp. (x-post r/totalwar)
My boyfriend's razor sharp wit
So after half an hour of trying to shave with an old razor, I walk out of the bathroom and say to my boyfriend "Honey, remind me to get a new razor, this one's blunt." and he replies "Well, I don't think one that beats around the bush would be much use either."
Groans ensued.
My dad in his workshop: "This tool is so sharp it's illegal..."
Grandma's still sharp
My grandma is 85. She suffers from Parkinson's and sleeps about 16 hours a day, but her dad joke is still sharp (as I found out earlier). While discussing my cousin's bee-keeping with my mum:
Mum: '...what? I didn't know Buff makes honey'
Grandma: 'He doesn't. ...the bees do'
She proceeded to grin smugly, appreciating my mother's sigh. I proudly enjoyed the ensuing silence. Well played, grandma.
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