I met a beautiful cactus today, so I told it, " you're looking sharp today ".
" I'm just a cactus " , it said. " You have a point there ", I replied.
I am waiting to recover from injuries caused by a small sharp tool:
To everyone freezing their asses off in Texas
Go stand in the corner, it’s 90 degrees.
Why won't swords go obsolete?
They are cutting edge technology.
I can’t win arguments against sharp knives
They’ve always got the best points
My son didn't like sharp stones on the seafloor at the beach
How many swords do you have?
A sharp mind has placed this here
What's a fisherman's favorite instrument?
As an orchestra conductor, I could tell when the entire violin section missed the key with no sharps or flats...
I cant handle how sharp this is.
That's some sharp wit right there.
When early man discovered that they could use sharp stones for hunting, it was a big deal.
It was cutting edge technology
I once made a pencil with 2 erasers.
I got an interview and told them I was proficient in C and C-sharp.
Turns out that wasn't good enough to be a pianist
Musicians say if the world isn't round
I've decided to marry a pencil.
I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
Dr dr..
Me: Dr dr, i always take s poo at 8:00am sharp, every morning,!
Dr: sorry I don't see how that's a problem.
Me: I wake up at 9:00am...
Why can’t a reed knife be too sharp?
Because that’s not natural
An audience member asked me how I made the brisk sharp cracking sound with my hand.
I told her it was a snap.
My friend didn’t get why the top of the fence was so sharp
I said to him, “That’s the point”
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mineshaft?
My daughter pointed at a spear and said “daddy look it’s sharp”
I replied with “that’s the point”
How is music like ice skating?
If you don’t C-sharp, you’ll be B-flat
What do you call a sharp dot who points out directions for blind people
A pointy point who has no point in pointing
What's a pirate's favorite note?
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
Why was the cheddar always grumpy
I cut myself making a sandwich today.
They don't call it sharp cheddar for no reason.
The Guillotine was supposed to be ahead of its time
It had cutting edge technology
What do you use to measure the sharpness of a vampires teeth?
My friend bought a microscopically precise pencil sharpener.
You are on a horse galloping at a constant speed. On your right side, is a sharp drop off and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse, but your horse is unable to overtake it.
Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Get off the merry-go-round!
On the dad joke scale, I got my first ever eye-roll and sharp exhale WITH a walk out of the room from my wife!
Me: Today was an awful day at work
Wife: Are you serious? Tell me about it
Me: I’m not Sirius, I’m your husband. And Itt was a short, hirsute creature who looked short of like a haystack with sunglasses; he was Gomez’s cousin and spoke in high pitched gibberish all the time. Now if we could get back to my day...
Don't bring cheese to a sword fight.
But if you do, make sure it's extra sharp.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a sharp dressed man on a unicycle?
What’s the difference between a sharp dressed fellow on a bicycle, and a poorly dressed one on a tricycle?
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