Carnival is offering a deluxe trip where you leave your senior citizens and kids behind in the snow..

They are calling it β€œTed Cruise”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thehuggyduggy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
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The senior prank didn’t sit well with the faculty members today. reddit.com/gallery/kd9axw
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jalen_Hurts2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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What do you call a senior-ranked military officer who offers nuggets of factual wisdom?

The Colonel of Truth

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CopsaLau
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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What did the electrician say to calm down?

Ohmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TechnoGamer16
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
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How does a senior manager from Texas greet his superior? /r/Big4/comments/jroq6k/h…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/windsor_ty
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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I do really feel bad for the Class of 2020. People say your senior year flys..

I just didn’t realize it would Zoom..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/niloc12
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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I know senior year usually flies by.

Didn't think it would Zoom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ALizardKing
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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I just got a senior management position at Old McDonald’s farm

I’m the C I E I O

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hoody13
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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I got myself a new seniors' GPS

Not only does it tell me how to get there, it reminds me why I went there in the first place.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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[request] puns with the word 'jenga' for senior jersey

So we're in year 12 of high school and we all get jerseys, including our year advisor teachers who've let us, the students, decide their jersey name. Usually the jersey name is a witty pun or joke which uses the wearer's name.

One of the teachers has a last name which sounds exactly like 'jenga' (that's not her name is really spelt, but it's to protect her identity), so I'll be need your help to get some good puns.

If you guys can't think of any, the other teachers last name is Daher (pronounced "darr"), so suggestions for her name would be nice too. Thanks!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HolyHypodermics
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
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The local seniors care home rejected my offer to speak to residents about the advantages of being young in far-eastern countries...

apparently it is not "appropriate" to talk to residents about the benefits of youth in asia.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sludgemonkey01
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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I got my first senior discount at the seafood restaurant last night.

It smelled good but it tasted like caarp.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Guru_in_flannel
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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I hope you like my senior pictures.

Cause the people at the retirement home did.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
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I am speed
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dj_Chetty
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
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I got a new job this week as the senior director of Old McDonald’s farm...

I’m the new CIEIO

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kilobenny
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
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For prom, high school seniors will have to video call each other

They need to practice social disdancing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaybram24
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
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Even Ferdinand Feghoot could be outpunned on occasion – but he always rose to the challenge.

There was, for instance, the time he conducted a crew of new S.A.R.H. (Society for the Aesthetic Rearrangement of History -BJ) recruits – all from late twentieth-century Terra – on a training study of Carter’s World, a newly established agricultural colony attempting to support itself by the export of edible nuts. Barely into their second generation, and having yet to show a profit, the colonists were technologically backward. Nevertheless, they showed a surprising ingenuity in the use of their few advantages. It was this resourcefulness that Feghoot was demonstrating to his rookies.

β€œLook at the perfection with which these streets are graded”, exclaimed one student. β€œEarth-moving machinery on this scale is strictly high technology stuff. How can they do it?”

β€œA new alleyway is being constructed, nearby”, said Feghoot. β€œLet us walk that way while I explain.” As they strolled, he told his students that countless centuries before, the Carter’s World system had been inhabited by a now-vanished race of giants. This very planet had served them for a nursery, and among the many artifacts they had left were thousands of childrens blocks, immense and precision-cut. You simply jack one up onto logs, bring it where you want it, put collapsible jacks underneath, snake out the logs, spread soil more or less evenly beneath, and collapse the jacks.

β€œI see”, said the student. β€œIt’s not graded road at all; its a simple hammered-earth base.”

β€œThat’s right,” Feghoot went on smoothly. β€œYou just hit the road jack and don’t come back no mo.”

His students registered dismay and anguish.

β€œIsn’t that right, old-timer?,” Feghoot demanded of an ancient Carterian standing by the mouth of the newly completed alley they had just reached.

β€œAhm afraid not, suh”, said the senior citizen, and the students giggled at Feghoots discomfiture. β€œOh, we used to do it that way, but it was far too much trouble. It’s the soil heah. You see, the very same soil which produced our famous cashews is so high in clay content that a child could roll out a road of it. Then, we simply use a system of lenses to bake it into hardness. Ahve just completed this alley mahself, and ahm just a retired professor of Sports History, much too old and feeble to handle hydraulic jacks.

β€œSo you see,” he finished, eyes twinkling, β€œMah hammered alley is really cashews clay.”

Howls of agony rose from the students, but Feghoot never hesitated. β€œAnd he”, he said, turning to his students, β€œis clearly the gradi

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nomnommish
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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I met a woman once at a party celebrating my father's 50th birthday.

We got to talking and I found out she worked as a stunt double on some pretty big name movie sets. She looked to be at least 10 years my senior but very fit and attractive and we both seemed to really be hitting it off.

Because all the immediate family in the local area had thrown a smaller, more private celebration for my father a few days prior, I didn't really feel a need to stick around any longer, so I asked the woman if she was interested in sharing some drinks with me at the nearby Hilton where I was staying. She happily accepted.

Suddenly, I turned towards the sound of my father's voice cheerfully calling out the name "Andra" (pronounced ON-druh) and my own as he approached. Andra, the woman I had been speaking with, turned towards him, glanced quickly back at me, then looked back again at my father and with a disconcerted look on her face exclaimed, "Oh brother!"

And that's when I realized the double, Aunt Andra.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/A__Wild__Goose
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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Why do most senior citizens float?

Because they're just a hollow shell of what they used to be.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattJSharp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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What do you call a bunch of seniors with bad knees and poor vision?

Squeaky squat squad squinting

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PLUMBUM2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
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Senior Quote
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dravved
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2013
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A very old Mexican gentleman is a senior SeΓ±or.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLastJoe
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
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Seniors in private schools

Are part of the upper class

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hdeifh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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What do call a Senior Citizen when they use a Computer?

Elder Scrolls

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajmansell
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
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Where did Napoleon keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

~this was my senior quote

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spank--me--daddy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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Senior sex

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you." Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!" A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dan_the_Man0904
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2017
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What do you call it when a senior works well past retirement?

Indentured servitude.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xrone22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2018
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My dad won "Most Likely To Surprise You" amongst his graduating senior class

Nobody saw it coming

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ghostwriter0o0o0
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2018
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Dad: Hello son, where's your grandpa?

Son: I haven't senior dad today...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Senior Pitchers

Old guys playing baseball.

-or-

Antique beverage containers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_otterinabox
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2014
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Making the best of senior prom

As I'm sure many of you can remember (or not), senior prom was one of the most exciting events of our pre-real world existence. However, in order to get to the actual event, there were three significant steps that needed to be taken care of:

  1. Sober up enough before actually getting to the venue
  2. Find a date who wasn't even weirder than you were
  3. Rent a tuxedo This last part posed quite a bit of a problem to me, mostly because tuxedos can be very expensive to come by. Luckily enough for me, a local formalwear shop had a great deal going on; they would give you massive discounts and even hefty prizes for referring as many of your friends as possible to their business. Eager as I was to save a few bucks, I proceeded to text everyone in my phone's contact list. Almost every one of them neglected to respond to my pitiful pleas of financial assistance, not wanting to get caught up in this scam that I myself had meandered into. Finally, my token black friend, Malik, unwillingly took my bait. He tentatively responded, asking more about what he could get out of the deal for himself. After much persistence on my part, he finally declined, trying his best to let me down gently. As my poor little heart finally broke completely in two, I decided to alleviate the social tension, replying to him, "Alright man, well, suit yourself."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MinisculePeen
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2015
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Bus Driver

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway, when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts,which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'. 'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?' The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
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I'm a senior in college

My class just voted me "Most likely to annoy his kids senselessly with 'dad jokes.'" I'm so proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderCunningham
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2014
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When a Mexican man turns 55 does that make him...

A seΓ±or citizen?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DingoAltair
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
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Pun Request: Horse-related

Our senior quotes are paragraphs this year, and I want to make a paragraph about my horseback riding that's full of horse puns. Can anyone help me out?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/axtumn
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2017
🚨︎ report
There's a little known country in central Europe that is ruled by a monarchy...

Not many people are aware of its existence but I assure that it is there all the same. The king of this little land faces a lot of difficulty. He wants to make his kingdom into a sovereign nation but unfortunately they do not have the infrastructure, population, or economy to do so. In fact, this small state is only known for a single export. Thanks to their proximity to some of the finest gold and other metals in the world but total lack of an ability to process those metals on a mass scale, they have been left with only one option. You know the saying; when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Make lemonade they did. This tiny territory is renowned for creating the highest quality watches in the world. No expense is spared and their elite group of craftsmen train for their entire lives from childhood to produce these terrific timepieces. Men of great wealth and taste have been known to trade entire fortunes for just a single one of these watches; that is how valuable they are.

The king knows this and he knows that only a small portion of his populace can ever hope to become one of the respected elite, let alone hold one of their masterpieces in their own hands. Being a very just and fair man, the king ordered the most senior watchmaker in the land to create something the likes of which had never been seen. A watch of such great craftsmanship so as to be above monetary value. The man labored long and hard for many nights to produce the king's watch. When he at last presented the completed work to his lord - in front of the entire nation, no less - he was met with thunderous applause and a warm embrace. He had done it! The king then made a shocking announcement.

"This masterpiece belongs to my people!"

When the roaring of the crowd died down he continued.

"This watch shall be a symbol of my love for all of you. Though I rule over you with supreme authority I do not wish a single one of you to feel that you do not have a voice in the ruling of this nation. From this day on let anyone who doubts my decisions or questions my judgment wear this watch and stand as my equal to voice their concerns. Should even a single one of you think me unfair or wrong in any matter then simply come to my castle and I will present you this token of good faith."

The king made good on his word and from that day on all citizens knew they held the right to challenge their king's rulings. Over time the watch became a symbol of fairness throughout the land. Anyone who wore it

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2016
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[request] puns for a campaign slogan involving my name

I’m running for senior class president and my name is Miranda Alfaro, I need a good slogan since my toughest opponent named Chase is β€œchase your dreams” thank you to whoever makes me one!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mirandaalfaro
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2018
🚨︎ report
[request] puns involving spears?

I'm an incoming freshman for FSU and at my high school, they have the seniors decorate a wall with their name, the logo of the college they're attending, and a little phrase. Making jokes about native americans is a little distasteful, soooo I'm looking for some quality spear puns.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/that-broken-chair
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Found this written in a class set text book
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πŸ‘€︎ u/meatystick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2013
🚨︎ report
Don't be a fishbowl

At a staff meeting, senior guy complains about work output. Exclaims "We need you to all stop being like a fishbowl - what we're aiming for here is a-fish-in-sea!"

whole room groans

edit: wording brainfart

πŸ‘︎ 177
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πŸ“…︎ May 12 2015
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How to get a Japanese mathematician's attention?

1003.14 notice me plz explaination: one thousand = sen, 3.14 = pi, senpai = senior

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cnreika
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2017
🚨︎ report
Just got a job as the senior director of the old McDonald farm

I’m the CIEIO

πŸ‘︎ 125
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RadiateHER
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
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Just got a job as Senior Diector of Old McDonald's farm.

I'm their new CIEIO.

πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fukhed69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
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Just got a job as senior director at Old McDonalds Farm..

I’m now the CIEIO

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HeWhoNeedsNoName
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
🚨︎ report
A very old Mexican gentleman is a senior SeΓ±or.
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLastJoe
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
🚨︎ report

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