Score (game) Puns

It's tide.

Nowadays you'd call him a scorekeeper, but back then he was a tally whacker.

I said, “it’ll be 0-0.”

You must have ESP-N!

( ಠ ͜ʖಠ)

It's zero to zero !

0-0.

Watching march madness reminded me of this gem from the old man.

Tonight after the Iron Bowl, he said, "I knew the score before it began!" I asked him how he could make a claim like that and he said, "It's always 0 to 0 at the beginning."

Love meant nothing to her.

Its 0 to 0, of course thats the score before the game even starts

But I need to take it back, because I already reddit.

There was this guy on the pitch with a beanie on his head. He scored the first goal, a header.

"Great goal," I said.

"Yes," said my friend. "A great goal."

Another opportunity arose ten minutes later, and the same player jumped up, and scored another header. A terrific one.

"Wow, that was unstoppable," I told my friend.

"Yes, unbelievable. Unstoppable," he replied.

Towards the end of the game, the same player leapt up, scored another incredible header.

I turned to my friend, flabbergasted and said, "I think that thing on his head, it's giving him some sort of advantage. This entire game he hasn't missed a single header."

"What about it?" asked my friend.

I said. "He's got a hat, Rick."

"No, thanks. We'll pass."

Lionel Messi had just scored and my dad didn't know who it was so my brother said "Wow that was Messi Dad." to which my dad responded "I don't know, I thought it was pretty clean"

Me: Do you think Irving will score a three pointer in the last couple minutes?

Dad: I don't know, that's quite a long shot.

So we went to the Wild's preseason game against the Blues last night and there was a blues player who fell down after blocking a shot with his inner thigh. It reminded me of this goal (http://www.reddit.com/tb/2i8prv) I saw on r/hockey yesterday that JvR scored off his weiner, and told my dad about it.

His response: That's nuts! Good thing it wasn't in their own goal, that would've been a dick move.

Me: Dad, Messi set a new record with that score!!!!

Dad: Wow, what a neat guy!

He wemt to his mum, who was doing work, and asked, "mum, whats the first letter of the alphabet?"

Mum: Shut up and go away!

Kid goes to his dad, who just got a perfect score in darts, and says: Dad, whats the second letter of the alphabet?

Dad: 180!!

Walks to older brother who was playing batman video games: whats the third letter of the alphabet?

Brother: na na na na na na na na BATMAN!

Walks up to younger brother playing with toys: whats the 4th letter of the alphabet?

Brother: driving my little red car.

Kid rolls up to school, ready to recite the first 4 letters of the alphabet.

Teacher: whats the first letter?

Kid: Shut up and go away!!

Teacher: HOW MANY HOURS OF DETENTION DO YOU WANT

Kid: 180!!

Teacher: WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

Kid: na na na na na na na na BATMAN

Teacher: HOW DO YKU THINK YOULL GET AWAY WITH THIS?!?

Kid: Driving my little red car

Okay so the animals have been on the ark for thirty days and thirty nights and frankly they are getting bored. So to provide entertainment B-Deck challenges C-Deck to a game of football. They get it all set up and begin play. B-Deck makes some early gains but C-Deck is unstoppable. They have Rhinoceros and once he gets going you cant stop him. Soon the first half is over and the score is 24-7. The second half begins and while in the huddle Rhinoceros looks over at B-Decks defensive line and sees Centipede on their defensive line. "Give me the ball," he says, "There aren't going to be any centipedes in the new world because I'm crushing this one right here and right now" The Center snaps the ball and the quarterback hands it off to Rhinoceros who begins charging down Centipede. Centipede rears up grabs Rhinoceros by the legs and SLAMS him to the deck. Ball pops loose, centipede grabs the ball. He's rushing down the field weaving in and out and TOUCHDOWN!!! The crowd goes wild! C-Deck's captain, Lion rushes over and says, "Centipede that was amazing! Where were you in the first half?" "Well I was lacing my shoes."

She was playing a facebook game that involves evolving and leveling up dragons and complained that she wasn't getting a good score.

Me: "Maybe you need to train your dragon..." Daughter: "How do I Train my dragons?" Me: "There's a movie all about it on Netflix" Daughter: <....Disgusted>

If he was watching, for example, a Steelers v Packers football game, and I wanted to know the score and who's winning.

Me: "Hey, Dad, what's the score?"

Dad: "14-6"

Me: "Who's winning?"

Dad: "14"

I go out and play tennis with my dad once a week. Tennis scoring goes love, 15, 30, 40. Every time he says the score at the beginning of a game he yells, "Hippies!" instead of "Love all." And I just now understood it.

My grandfather walks up to me and says "I can predict the score of the game before they ever start!" Suspicious, I challenge him. In all his dadlike wisdom, I lose the challenge in seconds flat. "the score is zero to zero"

Her: what's the score of the blue jackets/jets game. Me: 1-1 Her: who scored? Me: the jackets and the jets Her: ugh...

MAN LAWS

The International Rules of Manhood

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss' car.

(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding

We were watching the Germany-Portugal game yesterday. At some point, one of the Germans tries to score but misses.

Sister: "Damn, that was close."

Me: "No, that was Müller, Klose is on the bench."

Playing a card game with my daughter when she scored a point, so I farted and said, "That's what I think about that!" To which she said, "I don't like your opinion, it's stinky and smells bad!"

"Oh, the game's over? What was the score?" "40-10" "Who won?" "The team with 40"