What do you call a swat officers coat?

A brooch and clear

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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When you swat a mosquito on your arm

its death is in vein

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadlifememes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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What do you call a swat team of alligators going to a suspect's house?

Gatorade

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yeetle420
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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A swat team barges through the front door of a church

The priest says β€œI can’t remember the last time a bunch of men came in here that intensely.... or can I?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WonDante
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
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A merchant approached the captain of a SWAT team about upgrading their riot shields...

The captain replied, "Finally! A purchase I can get behind!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BradEmery
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
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How do SWAT teams celebrate Cinco de Mayo?

With Tac-taco rations

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2018
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The SWAT Team....
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eddyfree
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2015
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Why did the soviet make a bad SWAT team leader?

The only thing he said was Russian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohammy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2015
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Swatted this from FB
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AJSaporno
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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A giant fly has attacked the local police...

Police have called SWAT team.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coffeeaficionado_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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There's a giant fly attacking the police station

Don't worry, I've called in the SWAT team

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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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My wife said there was a large fly buzzing around our bedroom and told me to go kill it. I rolled my eyes and said she should call 911. She asked why.

I responded: So they can send the swat team.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OfficerBarbier
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
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Some people were swatting at bugs and they were joking about how they looked they were doing martial arts

I told them it was called hop moskido.

This actually happened. Nobody laughed and no one I've told it to since has laughed. I think it's really funny and I need some validation. Help

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BASIC-Mufasa
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2018
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I was enjoying watching a fly annoy my sister until my mom came in and swatted it.

Honestly, she can be such a buzzkill

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whattajosh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
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Swarms of flying insects are threatening people all over the city.

The police have deployed all SWAT teams.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_Am_Cha_Bu_Duo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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The police were under heavy attack of the flies

They had to call the SWAT team!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, "Is this good for wasps?"

"No, it kills them."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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There was a fly buzzing around that was really annoying me

I should have called the cops so they could send in the swat team!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hannahbeliever
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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a bunch of police got attacked by a giant fly

it was so big they had to call in the SWAT team

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BethanRuby1321
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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Did you hear about the guy who kept swatting mosquitoes at the party?

He was such a buzzkill.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madarasi012
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2017
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Q: What do you call a Satanist who only eats low-carb pizza?

Κ‡snΙΉΙ”-ᴉʇuβˆ€ ǝΙ₯β”΄ :βˆ€

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zigbigidorlu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
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My mom was swatting flies...

... in the kitchen when I came over to visit after church. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "swattin' flies." I asked her how many she had gotten and she said, "two males and three females." I asked her how in the world she knew that. She said, "well, two were on the beer can and three were on the phone..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheHobbitPimp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2017
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So my dad was swatting at a fly that was near my bowl of the cereal life.

And I say "don't swat the fly in my cereal." and he said "you don't want some life and death?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pixelated_Fudge
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2014
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Did you hear about the giant fly that was in the local police station?

Apparently they had to call the SWAT team

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pokesnails
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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I was kicked out of the Police HQ tour when I asked to buy some merchandise

I just wanted some swat stickers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ferny77
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
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Got my wife while making the shopping list

Her: So how are we doing with Toilet Paper?

Me: I've been practicing for 30 years, i think i got a good technique going.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bnicoletti82
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2014
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TIL Houseflies buzz in the key of F

It's true! Unless you swat them. Then they're flat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/P-dubbs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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Damn bugs!

Me: {swatting angrily} These bugs are irritating!

SO: Are they... "Bugging" you?

Me: No! They are driving me nuts!

SO: They are driving you... "gnats"?

Me: GOD DAMN IT!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesomenein
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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There are too many mosquitoes in our apartment, so I called the cops.

They said they are sending a swat team.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
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When I asked my daughter for a newspaper, she replied:

Dad, this is the 21st century, take my Ipad. What can I say ... this fly didn't understand what exactly killed her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeanStoryteller
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2017
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A man called the police regarding a fly problem…

So I'm watching a show called outrageous 911 Calls, and there was a story of an old man who was cooking bacon that ended up burning. So he opens up his back door to try and air out some of the smoke. Well, the smell starts attracting flies and of course he calls the police to report it and hope that they can send someone to handle the fly issue. The emergency operator says the police cannot do anything to help him.

So I turn to my friend who is watching along side me, and I say, "Obviously the police can't help him, he needs a swat team."

Bah dum, tss

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deatoai
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2014
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I met a group of highly trained Fly Killers the other day

First time I've ever seen a SWAT team.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FilthyRyzeMain
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
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I picked up an electric bug zapper racket the other day. All you bad bugs beware...

...I just joined the SWAT team.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RoccoRacer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2016
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Police Sheep

Local police have been experimenting with training sheep to assist the swat teams in raids. Specially trained sheep will assist teams with breaking down doors to get into the buildings.

They call it a battering ram.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/solomonsaysgo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2018
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SO: did they give you something for bug bites in the shop?

Me: No, I had to pay for it

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2017
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Who did dad call when his house was infested with flies?

The SWAT Team

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πŸ‘€︎ u/royaj77
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2017
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Bees

(I know I just posted something a little while ago, but I just found this subreddit today and thought of another good dad story)

As a child I had an immense fear of bees. So, one day my dad and I were at the Museum of Science in Boston together checking out the exhibits. In one room there was a huge (actual) beehive encased in glass with hundreds of bees inside. Attached to the glass was a plastic speaker thing so you could put your ear against it and hear all the buzzing. So I mustered up some courage and gave it a go. As I was getting a good listen, my dad went "bzzzzZzzzzz" and tickled my ear with his finger. I freaked the fuck out, and swatted furiously all over the place. I cried, and was all mopey and pouty for the rest of the day.

In hindsight, I realize that that was an opportunity that just had to be seized.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/albert_camus69
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2013
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My first dad joke (cat and dog related)

Our 3yr old cat has been a little weary of our new 14 week old husky puppy, since we brought him home. So I've told the cat I've had her back and wouldn't let the puppy hurt her.

Husky was up close in her face yapping at the cat, she swatted and was yelling back. So I pulled him away and comforted the cat with "I told you I had your back, just don't cry wolf now..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dano17
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2016
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I told me dad about an article about tiny robotic bees...

He said that if they took over a building, they'd have to send the SWAT team. It might be a sting operation

The link

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beerbabe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2014
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Dad joked my wife in the kitchen.

Wife: we joked with my boss that this pie cookbook had 200 pies.

Me: Are you sure it isn't 314 pies.

This earned me a swat on the rear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unclematthegreat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2014
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There's a giant fly attacking the city!

But don't worry, I've called in the SWAT team.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NitroNihon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
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What do police do when there's a fly annoying everyone in the station?

Call the swat team.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mini_Mega
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
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A giant fly is attacking the police station!

Quick! Call the SWAT team!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grimApocalypse
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2018
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There was a fly in my home.

So I called the SWAT team.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stevehisen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2016
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