I told them it was called hop moskido.
This actually happened. Nobody laughed and no one I've told it to since has laughed. I think it's really funny and I need some validation. Help
He was such a buzzkill.
... in the kitchen when I came over to visit after church. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "swattin' flies." I asked her how many she had gotten and she said, "two males and three females." I asked her how in the world she knew that. She said, "well, two were on the beer can and three were on the phone..."
And I say "don't swat the fly in my cereal." and he said "you don't want some life and death?"
A brooch and clear
Police have called SWAT team.
its death is in vein
Gatorade
The priest says βI canβt remember the last time a bunch of men came in here that intensely.... or can I?β
Don't worry, I've called in the SWAT team
I responded: So they can send the swat team.
Honestly, she can be such a buzzkill
The captain replied, "Finally! A purchase I can get behind!"
The police have deployed all SWAT teams.
They had to call the SWAT team!
"No, it kills them."
I should have called the cops so they could send in the swat team!
it was so big they had to call in the SWAT team
With Tac-taco rations
The only thing he said was Russian.
ΚsnΙΉΙ-α΄Κuβ ΗΙ₯β΄ :β
Apparently they had to call the SWAT team
Me: {swatting angrily} These bugs are irritating!
SO: Are they... "Bugging" you?
Me: No! They are driving me nuts!
SO: They are driving you... "gnats"?
Me: GOD DAMN IT!!!
I just wanted some swat stickers
Her: So how are we doing with Toilet Paper?
Me: I've been practicing for 30 years, i think i got a good technique going.
It's true! Unless you swat them. Then they're flat.
They said they are sending a swat team.
Dad, this is the 21st century, take my Ipad. What can I say ... this fly didn't understand what exactly killed her.
So I'm watching a show called outrageous 911 Calls, and there was a story of an old man who was cooking bacon that ended up burning. So he opens up his back door to try and air out some of the smoke. Well, the smell starts attracting flies and of course he calls the police to report it and hope that they can send someone to handle the fly issue. The emergency operator says the police cannot do anything to help him.
So I turn to my friend who is watching along side me, and I say, "Obviously the police can't help him, he needs a swat team."
Bah dum, tss
First time I've ever seen a SWAT team.
...I just joined the SWAT team.
Local police have been experimenting with training sheep to assist the swat teams in raids. Specially trained sheep will assist teams with breaking down doors to get into the buildings.
They call it a battering ram.
Me: No, I had to pay for it
The SWAT Team
(I know I just posted something a little while ago, but I just found this subreddit today and thought of another good dad story)
As a child I had an immense fear of bees. So, one day my dad and I were at the Museum of Science in Boston together checking out the exhibits. In one room there was a huge (actual) beehive encased in glass with hundreds of bees inside. Attached to the glass was a plastic speaker thing so you could put your ear against it and hear all the buzzing. So I mustered up some courage and gave it a go. As I was getting a good listen, my dad went "bzzzzZzzzzz" and tickled my ear with his finger. I freaked the fuck out, and swatted furiously all over the place. I cried, and was all mopey and pouty for the rest of the day.
In hindsight, I realize that that was an opportunity that just had to be seized.
Our 3yr old cat has been a little weary of our new 14 week old husky puppy, since we brought him home. So I've told the cat I've had her back and wouldn't let the puppy hurt her.
Husky was up close in her face yapping at the cat, she swatted and was yelling back. So I pulled him away and comforted the cat with "I told you I had your back, just don't cry wolf now..."
He said that if they took over a building, they'd have to send the SWAT team. It might be a sting operation
Wife: we joked with my boss that this pie cookbook had 200 pies.
Me: Are you sure it isn't 314 pies.
This earned me a swat on the rear.
But don't worry, I've called in the SWAT team.
Call the swat team.
Quick! Call the SWAT team!
So I called the SWAT team.
