A rope walks into a bar & asks for a beer. The bartender says, β€œNo, you’re only a rope.” So he decides to disguise himself. He ties himself into a knot & ruffles his edges a bit. The next day, he walks into the bar & asks for a beer. The bartender says, β€œOf course... Wait, aren’t you that rope?”

And the rope replies, β€œI’m a frayed knot.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/allyyx3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
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Friend felt sick after eating too much chicken. So I decide to ruffle her feathers.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Inn0c3ntGuy
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2018
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My dad really knows how to ruffle my feathers.

But there's no reason to miss out on a good opportunity I guess.

http://i.imgur.com/wVe19YM.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brik5ean
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2013
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What happens when you unintentionally step on a duck

A quackcident

πŸ‘︎ 678
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Metaldom
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
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A duck walks into a bar

and orders a drink, then a little while after he finished that drink he ordered another and he accidentally drops the glass containing the drink and he says to the waitress put it on my bill, so the waitress begins to grab the glass shards that were on the ground and carefully placed them on the ducks bill and the duck asks what are you doing and the waitress says I’m putting it on your bill and the duck sarcastically says ohhhh you really quack me up and the waitress says oh I'm sorry did I ruffle your feathers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr-awsome-
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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What's a dog's favorite kind of potato chip?

Ruffles

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thailandblack
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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I love working at the chip factory...

But my boss really Lays in on me, and it Ruffles my feathers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MLaBolle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
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I felt bad when my wife ate all my potato chips...

...but that's malaise

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns

But toucan play that game

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Faiz_Clan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
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It certainly ruffled some feathers

I am a math teacher to high schoolers and we were going over 2d and 3d shapes. I started to draw random pictures of birds using the shapes and ended up with a toucan picture. So I made the bird say "if I can do it, Tu-can too!" which was a double joke because most of the kids speak Spanish and I spelled it as 'tu' which means 'you'. I got so many groans and "wow Mrs. Acinomismonica" so I could tell they thought it was an egg-cellent joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/acinomismonica
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2015
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A piece of rope walks into a bar

He asks for a drink, and the bartender responds sorry but we don't serve your kind here. So he calmly walks back outside, ruffles out the top of his head and turns himself around and over then walks back inside and back to the bartender. The bartender eyes him suspiciously and says, aren't you the rope that was just in here a second ago? To which he says no, I'm a frayed knot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/welfarewonders
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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A rope walks into a bar...

he sits down and orders a drink. the bartender says, "I'm sorry. we don't serve ropes at this establishment". The rope shrugs it off and leaves. The next day, the rope thought to himself, maybe it was just the one bartender who was a jerk. I'll go back and try again. He walks into the bar, see's a new bartender, and sits down to order a drink. Alas, this new bartender says, "we don't serve ropes at this bar". The rope is getting pretty heated at this point. He storms out of the bar, ruffles his ends, gets himself all twisted up, marches right back in, and demands a drink. The bartender responds, "aren't you that rope I just kicked out?" the rope responds, "no, I'm a frayed knot"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1_h473_l337_5p34k
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
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Three ropes are walking into a bar when they see a sign outside that says, "We don't serve ropes."

The first rope goes in and asks for a drink and the bartender says, "We don't serve ropes. You'll have to leave."

The second rope goes in and asks for a drink and the bartender says, "We don't serve ropes. You'll have to leave."

The third rope ties himself in a knot and undoes his top braid a bit and ruffles it up. He goes in and asks for a drink. The bartender asks, "Say, aren't you a rope?"

He replies, "I'm a frayed knot."

πŸ‘︎ 145
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BradC
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2017
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A Pink-Backed Pelican waddles into a bar...

He orders two pints of lager, a shot of whiskey and a packet of salted cashews. The bartender says, β€œAnd how will you be paying for all this?” The Pink-Backed Pelican ruffles his feathers and replies, β€œPut it on my bill.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EllisDeWald
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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This post is for the birds
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πŸ‘€︎ u/5parky
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
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A piece of string walks into a bar...

A piece of string walks into a bar, sits down at the counter, and orders two shots and a beer. The bartender says "I'm sorry, we don't serve string here," so the string walks back out. He comes in again later, and this time sits at a table, and again tries to order two shots and a beer. The waiter says "I'm sorry, we don't serve string here," so he walks back out again. This time, before going back in, he ties himself in a knot and ruffles up his hair. He walks back in, sits at the counter, and the bartender says, "Hey, aren't you that same piece of string that was in here earlier?" and the string says "I'm a frayed knot"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/habui
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2015
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I was pondering how they collected down for pillows and blankets.

Manufacturers must say some pretty offensive things to ruffle all those feathers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/squeevey
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2016
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Why don't birds eat chips?

Because it Ruffles their feathers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImEnhanced
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2016
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No one nose....

Dad: did you hear about the dog with no nose? Me: no, how did he smell? Dad: terrible! laughs and ruffles my hair

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hannah_mate
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2013
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Dadjoked a friend at practice

He showed up to one of our practices with a soft cast on his wrist. He told our coach, "I won't be able to play for a few days, I have a hairline fracture."

I gently ruffled my hand through the front of his wavy hair and said, "Oh my god, will you be okay?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsRatherWindy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2014
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A string walks into a bar.

The bartender says "We don't serve strings in this bar." So the string walks out, ruffles his hair a bit, and walks back in. He sits down and crosses his legs as the bartender says "I thought I told you we don't serve strings in this bar. The string replies "I'm a frayed knot."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gunzerks
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2017
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