Two restless hats are stores in a closest when one says to the other

You stay here, I’ll go on ahead

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👤︎ u/tguthrie
📅︎ Dec 14 2018
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I just read an interesting book on Restless Leg Syndrome

And I thought you might get a kick out of it.

👍︎ 6
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📅︎ Aug 26 2019
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Restless sleeper

I take a while to get into a comfortable position before I can't fall asleep, flipping onto my sides, front and back. The other night the wife complained and I was like "Hey baby, that's just how I roll".

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📅︎ Feb 20 2015
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What do you call a Jedi that can't get to sleep?

A restless Knight.

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👤︎ u/garmdian
📅︎ Nov 28 2020
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What medical condition were pirates prone to?

Restless peg syndrome.

👍︎ 4
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👤︎ u/Joesdad65
📅︎ Sep 20 2019
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Praying

So a dad walks in on his daughter praying. She said, “I pray for mommy, I pray for daddy, I pray for grandma, and goodbye grandpa.” The dad didn’t know what she meant. But the next day, the grandpa died. The dad thought it was just a coincidence, until the next day the daughter said, “I pray for mommy, I pray for daddy, and goodbye grandma.” The father thought it was odd but went to bed. The next day the grandma died. The dad was terrified, he heard the daughter say, “I pray to mommy and goodbye daddy.” The dad the next day was restless. Then, at night he realized nothing was going to happen. He said to his wife, “ I had the most horrible day.” The wife replied, I did to the milkman died at the door step today.”

👍︎ 27
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👤︎ u/NashYaBoi
📅︎ May 02 2019
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Not so much a Dd joke, more a Grand-Dad joke.

When my Mum and her sisters were younger, in an attempt to keep them quiet for half an hour, he told them to sit down next to each other so he could do their portrait. Every now and again he would stop, look up and to ensure he had the correct scale, held out his thumb and squinted a little, then continued.

After half an hour they got restless and said "Are you done yet, let's see".

He turned the drawing pad around to show...a simple sketch of a thumb.

Not a Dad yet, but thankful to have this trick up my sleeve for when I am.

👍︎ 2k
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📅︎ Jan 22 2014
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What do you call it when a pirate can't sit still?

Restless peg syndrome.

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👤︎ u/hornwalker
📅︎ Dec 05 2017
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Two for one.

I went to visit a friend today. I'm a somewhat restless guy, so while we were hanging out I pulled out my stiletto and started playng with it. He says, 'That's a sharp knife.' I replied, 'That's the point.'

👍︎ 6
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📅︎ Sep 18 2016
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Teenage Jesus won't go to bed.

Mary, Mother of Jesus, is trying to get her son to go to bed and is having no luck. She decides to pray to God to help her in her task. She asks "Dear God, our blessed child is restless and just won't stay tucked into bed, will you help me?" God sighs and addresses Jesus "My son, please listen to your mother and get some rest." To which Jesus responds "No way, Dad!" God grins and replies "Yaweh!"

👍︎ 12
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📅︎ Jun 24 2015
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The sickness that isn't easily cured.

I kept forgetting to post this here, it's been years since this happened, but...

While sitting out on the back porch with my parents and some of their friends as they sip on drinks, my mom kicks my dad by accident and immediately says "Sorry, sorry, it's my restless leg syndrome."

My dad quickly but smoothly replies, "That's ok honey, you put up with my restless middle leg syndrome."

Groans were had among the wives while laughs were had among the dads. I was left in shock for a few minutes while I tried to remove that image from my head.

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📅︎ Sep 25 2015
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Outdaded an actual dad

Friends came to visit with their newborn son, who later into the evening was restless and crying.

The dad says "It's because he's not home, with his toys; usually he gets calm with a mobile."

I show them my phone. "Here's one."

There was a pause, and they both facepalmed.

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👤︎ u/intisun
📅︎ Feb 22 2015
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