Impatient Puns

Because they refuse arrrrrest

They want everything right meow

So I said, "What type of plant is that?"

Guess I’m losing wait

Boy, I can’t wait.

Thyme. It waits for no man

Cause I want to date you badly

-Ninja Sex Party lyrics

Because they've lost a lot of wait.

Most of them seem to have issues with their wait.

Quit Stalin

PICK-A-SHOE!!

why did the impatient teenager lift little barbells lots of times? not a fan of cooldown, he didn't like the weight.

"It keeps telling me Stop, already!"

Because he was too impatient

Al Gore responded: Al Gore take the stairs.

But I can’t wait that long...

Wait

Did you hear about the guy who built Wells He was good at it but very impatient.

Impatient Zero

The owner took them around the ground floor and everything looked perfect, even more so for the low price. The couple were suspicious that they saw no sign of anything supernatural, yet. The owner was pleasant and a little excited when showing them the house, until they got to the stairs. The woman stopped and looked incredibly uncomfortable as she stalled for time. Growing impatient, the couple asked her:

"What's upstairs?"

"Not much, what's up with you?" replied the stairs.

Went to the beach with my family and brought my parents. My wife was making everyone sandwiches when my four year old daughter became impatient and started whining that she wanted her sandwich next.

My dad picked up a handful of sand and slowly poured it out of his hand while saying "What is the matter? Look at all the sand which is here!"

He said, "That sounds a balance problem and not a weight problem."

I work in an urgent care center. A patient signed in for a stuffy nose for 2 days. They asked how long the wait was and I said about 15 mins, the person rolled their eyes and walked out. I let the physician know that they walked out. She said "That's always good for their health" I said "Well they were my favorite kind of patient."

The Impatient.

My wife couldn't open a jar of grape jelly. Our two year old didn't understand why she had to bring it to me. He was only concerned with how long it was taking to make his sandwich. I opened it, but it was pretty hard because the jelly had caked around the threads and dried in place, gluing the lid to the jar.

My wife saw our son getting impatient and told him, "Hold on kiddo, mommy couldn't open the jar, so she had to bring it to daddy. Even daddy had a hard time opening it."

At this point, my internal dad joke radar started screaming a proximity warning. The collision with a dad joke was imminent. I smiled, took half a second to bask in my dad glory, and added, "Yeah, it was jammed."

Wife groaned, but son laughed (because he saw the lid was finally open). I take whatever I can get.

As I descended down the adjacent, working escalator I noticed the man tapping his screwdriver impatiently at the bottom; looking around as if he were waiting for something. I couldn't resist...

>Me: "Do you have everything you need to fix it?"
>
>Him: "No!" <looking frustrated>
>
>Me: "Well, have you tried escalating?!"

In about half a second the man's face erupted in a smile while he proceeded to laugh so loudly that he startled himself and a woman nearby who gasped, turning to look at him. Somewhere behind me a woman unleashed a loud, "Ha!" as well.

I smiled all the way to my designated boarding gate =D

For reference: Link to wiki

Some of these are done in a kind of "news headline"-style:

• Choir leader fired after using too much sexual innuendo; "Lewd Ex Cantor."

• Video on demand about a street where nothing happens; "Vod of the Boring Alley."

• Man's brutal cousin turns out to be a great bloke; "Raw-Ted, Great Dude".

• Panic spreads as toilet facilities take over the world; "Cry! Stall-Age."

• A man orders a book of basic letters to look after his daughters belongings while he looks after the others; "ABC, Watch Her's!".

• Sams brother cheats a dude; "Dean Cons the Peep."

• A ride in the amusement park offers a wide range of emotions; "High! Low! Woo! Nah."

• A weird and hard to describe new dessert; "Cold Lemon Thing."

• A new star in stand up rises! Come see "Puntiff Sulyvahn."

• Pirates start eating fava beans and a new drink is required; "Yo! Ho! The Chianti!."

• A Long lived man has an unusual apetite for fish; "Old-Rick, Devourer of Cods".

• In Bacteria-Town, a devastating disease strikes one inhabitant working at a hotel; "Cancer of the Borrelia Valet".

• Roman god Cubid is ordered to take a woman to cave and kill her; "Drag and Slay Her Amor"

• Osiris's statue has been in way too many marriages and people have started to call it; "Osiris the Consummated Thing."

• The choir leader from before is transformed into a mushroom; "Champignon Cantor"

• An english man becomes the leader of a Polish airplane company and gets nicknamed; "LOT-Rick"

• An impatient tree person attacks a random mythical hunter; "Antsy Ent! Why Hern?!"

• Horse named Elvis keeps making noise and a man shouts;"Neigh Less King!"

• A child opens a chocolate egg and a white spirit jumps out; "Soul of Kinder"

Sorry about the possible typos.

after a few drinks gets in line to use the men's room.

Impatient man behind him: Can I go ahead of you? Zombie: Over my dead body!

There's a rich man that has an Italian chef named Antonio and a Mexican servant named Terry. The rich man requests a meat dish with an Asian kick, so the chef gets to work, but he soon notices that he has no Asian flavoring. Frantically, he sends the servant to get some sauce.

As the rich man becomes increasingly impatient for his meal, the chef calls the servant and asks, "Terry, where are you, and what sauce did you get?"

The servant, pulling into the driveway, replies simply, "Terry aqui!"

And my wife is starting to get a bit impatient waiting for the food. She's getting phostrated.

I asked him whether he has more patients in the winter.

His reply- " No, I'm pretty impatient all year round"

We had to go to shopping soon before the store closed. My mom was bubble wrapping some glasses when my dad said impatiently, "hey honey, why don't you wrap it up already ..." and gave me a little smile.

My dad, little sister, and I were hanging by the place where they keep the otters. After several minutes of not seeing anything my sister grew impatient. "Where are they? I don't see any of them," she asks.

My dad looks up with a twinkle in his eye, choking back laughter. "Maybe you can't see them 'cause...they're on the otter side..."

God damn it, dad.

Impatient

I was at the airport waiting for my flight home the other night when over the P.A they asked everyone from flight DJ-478 to Sydney to make their way to the service desk, so myself and my fellow passengers make our way over to the desk, where the very embarrassed and obviously distressed desk worker informs us that our flight has been cancelled, and the next one isn't till the morning, she then tells us that the airport will happily put us up in the 5 star hotel around the corner, and have us dropped back at the airport at 7am the following morning. Most the people there accepted this, after the desk lady told us it was for our personal safety and that there wasn't a lot more they could do, except this one particular gentleman, who storms over to the desk, and tells the woman that he needed to be in sydney tonight, and demands a flight be made available. (It's like 9:30 by this point, surely it could wait till the morning?). After again apologizing to the man, she tells him that won't be possible, and she sends us all on our way to the shuttle bus, with our bags already on there, and off we go to the hotel. The entire bus trip this guy carried on whinging and swearing, getting angrier and angrier by the second. We get to the hotel, and he's about 30 people behind the front of the queue to check in, and he gets impatient with the time it's taking, and again, storms his way up the line, past me (I was at the front), walks over to the desk, slams his fist down and says to the woman behind the desk "I want the biggest room you have, I want it in the next 30 seconds or so help me god, you aren't gonna like what happens", the woman looked up at him and said "Sir, the airport has paid for the rooms we already have organized, if you'll take your place back in line, we'll be with you as soon as we can", the guy got really angry about being asked to move back to his spot, he threw his bag down, and yelled at the woman, "Fuck this, call me a taxi, right fucking now, I'll find somewhere else to stay", that's when i decided to step in.

I said. "Oh okay then, you're a taxi".

He took his place back in line pretty quick.

...because they were impatients.

So, my mom received some medical papers in the mail. Nothing we didn't already know. Just routine stuff. Anyway, at the top of the page is printed:

Patient Name: Elizabeth Bennet (Obviously not her real name.)

And my dad reads this, and says to her, "If your patient name is Elizabeth Bennet, is your impatient name just Lizzie?"

My sister was slowing down and causing a backup while she was learning to drive. He got impatient with her and said

"THIS ISN'T A DEMOCRACY, YOU CAN'T VOTE TO SLOW DOWN."

Wife (getting impatient): how long till dinner is ready?

Me: I don't know honey. Every time I check, it's still a little pink...

Wife: eye roll

My mum had to go in to the hospital because reasons and had to stay overnight, I've been texting her and asked her how she was... and I'll just let it speak for itself.

Me:...how're you feeling?

Her: I'm very tired and just want them to sort out what's wrong. I'm an impatient patient.

Me: * groan * that was so bad.

Impatient zero.