Ya so this fuck up happened the summer before Covid but I think that statute of limitations are up so I can tell this story.

My wife and I went to her colleague's wedding. I'm not a huge drinker and I didn't really know anyone, so my plan was to grab some sort of cold refreshing beverage, find somewhere to post up, and nurse it while I got really stoned and did some people watching. Which leads me to my drugs.

On the way to the wedding I stopped at a dispensary and picked up a reusable vape pen thing. I'm a pretty traditional smoker. I go to the place and buy an eighth and smoke it in my ancient bowl over the course of the next month or two. I'd never had a pen before. I was just like "I'm going to a wedding and want something that won't make me sleepy or mentally handicapped" and the young woman at the counter handed me the thing.

As my wife was driving us over, I tried it out. I also don't smoke very much at any one time, and have a hard time with anything like joints or bongs etc. When I do smoke these things, they hit way too hard and I cough like crazy and hate myself. So I took a very small hit, noticed it hit really hard and thought "well that's because you think everything hits too hard."

Badabing badaboom, I'm at the reception standing in line to grab some drinks from the bartender and notice the tip jar. Realizing I don't have any cash, I'm like "dude do you have venmo or something?" (I know, lol) and he's like "ahh don't even worry about it man it's no big deal" but I'm a service industry vet so I wanted to find a way to tip him because I know it's gonna be a long night and a lot of people won't tip.

So I'm like "alright man well, if my wife has some cash I'll double back over...but uh, in the meantime...if you party..." and I show him the pen.

He's like "oh for real? hell ya dude." And proceeds to take an enormous puff on this thing.

Within seconds he was doubling over and coughing uncontrollably, it was incredibly loud and in under a minute he was down on his hands and knees behind the bar puking in the grass. Still...kind of no harm no foul...until he gets up and puts all of his weight onto a tumbler glass that was sitting on the table he used to help himself up. Cutting his hand open...so...so badly.

And then something very interesting happened. Something that had never happened before. I started vomiting at the sight of the blood.

So naturally this is pretty disruptive, and the groom who just so happened to be nearby, c

Hi again. Three weeks ago I posted about a project I'm working on. For those who haven't seen it yet:

>So, I am embarking on an interesting project. I intend to experience the best art and media humanity has to offer before I die. Namely this is all the highly notable and interesting books, plays, art, music, films, TV shows, and video games. I guess you could call it a bucket list. I've been indexing it chronologically and downloading it to an external hard drive.

I then solicited suggestions for highly notable/significant ancient and medieval literature that I was missing from an early draft of what the list would cover. I got over 100 responses; it was clear I was missing a lot. So, I pretty much started from scratch, doing multiple sweeps of any pre-Renaissance literature, and incorporated many of the suggestions I received, ranging from missing individual works to missing authors and cultures.

I should also note that in order to prevent this list from becoming unwieldly, I am limiting myself to 10,000 entries total, forcing myself to take a more deliberate and top-down approach. So far, I have 261 entries for the time span 4000 BC to 1400 AD: 12 Ancient-era, 121 Classical-era, and 128 Medieval-era works. 251 are literature, 10 are music. In other words, 2.61% of the list is Medieval era works or earlier, which seems quite reasonable to me and leaves plenty of room for more modern works spanning across more mediums.

I thought I would share what I have so far before I begin work on more modern stuff. Note that bolded entries are in the top 1,000 works, the cream of the crop, the most notable of all. If you're following along with me and don't want it to take a decade or longer to get through the whole completed list, just sticking to the bolded entries will give you a good taste too.

Ancient Era (4000 BC - 1001 BC)

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”

“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.

*Posters Preface*: I recently was given memoirs that were written by my Great Grandfather, Stanley Dalbec. I am working on transitioning this to a word document and wanted to share the stories with this group as I found them highly interesting and gives the reader a good understanding of what life was like for an officer in the Navy during WW2. Please enjoy.*

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

Hvalfjordur

Although we anchored shortly after midnight on June 1, it was broad daylight. The Arctic Circle grazes the northern tip of Iceland. Because Iceland is of volcanic origin, Hvalfjordur is surrounded on three sides, to the north, east, and south by ranges of hills. To the west is the entrance to the fjord.

While technically the sun sank slightly below the true horizon in the middle of the night, to the observer it merely swung behind the low hills for a few hours. In the two and a half months we were there, I never saw it dark. On several occasions I would wake up from a nap, look at my watch and see that it was perhaps 3:30. Was it AM or PM? Usually, I could determine that by remembering what I ate last!

Iceland

Iceland is, in several ways, a remarkable place.

Geologically, it sits astride the Mid-Atlantic Ridge, which is, along most of its length, deep in the ocean from which magma from below the Earth’s crust is pushing tectonic plates apart, widening the Atlantic Ocean.

Iceland is actually a section of the Ridge which projects above the level o the sea. Thus, it has been, and still is being, created by volcanic activity. The eastern western edges of the island are relatively old, but the center is still in the process of growth.

An example of that is the eruption some

Mentos

(I will see myself out)

The doctor says it terminal.

The subject of this post was the winner of the second Controversial Topics poll, and is one that I've been interested in doing for a while now. So I present to you - Gil Bates and his involvement with IBLP's Board Of Directors. If there is any information that needs to be added, please leave it in the comments below.

The story of the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP for short) began back in 1934, when Bill Gothard was born in Illinois. After attending Wheaton College and receiving a B.A. in biblical studies and a M.A. in Christian education before completing his Ph. D. in biblical studies at Louisiana Baptist College, he founded Campus Teams in 1961. In 1974 the name was changed to Institute in Basic Youth Conflicts before being changed in 1989 to its current name - Institute in Basic Life Principles, which is defined by the IRS as a non-profit, tax-excempt religious or charitable organization . Gothard was the president and a board member of the organization, and it grew to include homeschooling curriculum (Advanced Training Institute of America, which was founded in 1984 and later shortened to Advanced Training Institute), a law school, and over sixty ministries as well as ALERT (Air Land Emergency Rescue Team) and Journey To The Heart. His primary teaching, which is known as his "Basic Seminar" focuses on what he considers to be seven "Basic Life Principles" - Design, Authority, Responsibility, Suffering, Ownership, Freedom, and Success. Gothard claimed that these principles are universal, and that if these principles are violated that there would be consequences for doing so.

Gothard also taught an Advanced Seminar as well as an Anger Resolution Seminar, a Daily Success Seminar, and offered Total Health training as well as a Financial Freedom Seminar (the same one that Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar endorsed for years). IBLP also published Basic CARE Bulletins and offered Stress Resolution Seminars. Although he never married, Gothard condemned dating as morally dangerous and endorsed courtship as an alternative to dating. He preached that parents should be involved with their children's courtships to where the father should fully involve themselves to the point where they should have the right to decline a marriage proposal when a man asks for their daughter's hand in marriage. Men, specifically the patriarch of a family, are considered to be superior and women are expected to obey them including in the home, school, workplace, and marriage and

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Hello everyone, happy Monday! Meet the Yerwa Kanuri of Nigeria

Region: Nigeria - Borno province

https://preview.redd.it/56fz2qpvend81.png?width=425&format=png&auto=webp&s=34b6d00a69f6975fb2a3660a9b267934e732c3cd

Index Ranking (Urgency): (cant get the website to load, hopefully i can come back and fix it)

---

Climate: Borno State is one of the warmest region in Nigeria with an average daily high temperature of 98F. The climate is very warm with an annual average of 98 degrees F, but has few truly tropical and sultry months. It is yearlong warm or hot. Due to the lesser rain the best time for traveling is from October to May. Sometimes humidity is unpleasantly high from June to September. The most rain days occur from from June to September.

Lake Tela in Borno

Terrain: Nigeria is located in western Africa on the Gulf of Guinea.

Borno borders the Republic of Niger to the north, Lake Chad (and the Republic of Chad) to the northeast, and Cameroon to the east; on the south and west it borders the Nigerian states of Adamawa, Gombe, and Yobe. The vegetation in Borno state is mainly of the Sudan savanna type. Prominent physical features include the Bornu Plains, the volcanic Biu Plateau, and the firki (“black cotton”) swamps south and southwest of Lake Chad. Most of the state is drained by seasonal rivers flowing toward Lake Chad. The far south, however, is drained by the Gongola River, a tributary of the Benue.

Wildlife of Nigeria: A large number of different mammals are found in Nigeria with its diverse habitats. These include lions, leopards, mongooses, hyenas, side-striped jackals, African elephants, African buffaloes, African manatees, rhinoceroses, antelopes, waterbuck, giraffes, warthogs, red river hogs, hippopotamuses, pangolins, aardvarks, western tree hyraxes, bushbabies, monkeys, baboons, western gorillas, chimpanzees, bats, shrews, mice, rats, squirrels and gerbils. Besides these, many species of whale and dolphin visit Nigerian waters.

Elephants in Nigeria

Environmental Issues: Nigeria is faced with environmental problems such as air pollution, water pollution, lead exposures, poor waste management, deforestation, desertification, wind erosio

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

He lost May

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.

Gender is fluid.

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

But let me give it a shot.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

He’s the new temp.

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Amy

Put it on my bill

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

Calcium, nickel, neon

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.